Iyi Cancer Survivor's Tinder Response Yakaenda Utachiona. Asi Pane Zvimwe KuNyaya Yake

Zvemukati

• Nehurombo, Jared akafunga kufuratira izvo zvidzidzo zvinopihwa uye kuti awedzere pasi panzvimbo.
• Aingova nemakumi maviri nemashanu panguva iyoyo uye, zvinonzwisisika, haana kufunga kuti aive nekenza.
• "Uye ipapo ndakakwanisa kuzviudza, 'Simuka wakamira - {textend} uchiri iwe mukati.'"
• Kufambidzana-nekuchenjera, zvakare, arikutarisa kumberi - {textend} asi haazombozvinyengerere ega pahukama.

“Unoziva chii, Jared? Mhinduro kumubvunzo wako kwete. Handina kana 't * ts' zvachose. "

Zvinozivikanwa kuti kufambidzana pamhepo kunogona kuunza hunhu hunokatyamadza - {textend} vanhu vari muhukama vachinyepedzera kunge vasina kuroora, vanobiridzira vachitsvaga mari, yako gadheni-kusiana ghosting galore.

Muna Chikunguru, akapona kenza yemazamu ane makore makumi maviri nematanhatu Krista Dunzy akasangana nekusaremekedza uye misogyny kubva kune aigona "mutambo" mumazwi ake ekutanga.

Mumwe mukomana anonzi Jared akasarudza kuti yake yekuvhura tambo kuna Dunzy yaizove, "Une hombe t * ts?"

Dunzy, uyo aive nekaviri mastectomy sechikamu chekenza yake yekurapa gore rapfuura, akafunga kusairega ichienda asina kumisikidza Jared uye kuyedza kugadzira nguva inodzidziswa.

"Unoziva chii, Jared?" Akapindura. “Mhinduro kumubvunzo wako kwete. Handina kana 'titi' zvachose. " Akaburitsa nhoroondo yake yekenza uye akatsanangura marapirwo ake - {textend} gumi nematanhatu emakemikari uye kosi yemwedzi-yakareba yemwaranzi, kuwedzera pakuvhiya.

Via @KristaDunzy pa Twitter.

"Parizvino ndine machisa ekuwedzera mukati mechipfuva changu," akadaro, nezve ake-mberi postmastectomy kuvaka, "izvo zvichashandurwa nezvipenga mumugwagwa. Unoziva here kuti zvainge zvakadii kuti ndiverenge meseji yacho kubva kwauri? ”

"Ndapota funga pamusoro pezvinhu usati wataura," akamukurudzira. "Ndinovimba kana uine mwanasikana, haatombowana mameseji akadai."

Nehurombo, Jared akafunga kufuratira izvo zvidzidzo zvinopihwa uye kuti awedzere pasi panzvimbo.

Akadaidza Dunzy "benzi" uye "anopenga," achitaura kuti haana kuverenga meseji yake, achimurayira kuti "rega kuita semukadzi," uye achiwedzera, "Ndinozvigadzirira yangu mitemo" - {textend} chimwe chinhu icho, pane rimwe ruoko, zviri pachena kuti aisada Dunzy achimuti kodzero yake yekuita.

Panguva iyi, Dunzy anga akwana. Iye Screenshot yekuchinjana kune yeruzhinji posvo paFacebook, achikurudzira vamwe kuti vagovane iyo uye vagadzire iyo hashtag #dontdatejared.

Yake posvo yakaenda hutachiona uye yakagovaniswa kanopfuura zviuru zviviri.

"Vamwe vanhu vakati kwandiri," Ndiyo Tinder. Wanga uchiti chii? '”Dunzy anoyeuka. “Mhinduro ndeiyi, ndinotarisira hunhu hwakajairika. Iwe haufanire kubvunza chero munhu izvozvo. Tese tinofanirwa kubata vanhu zviri nani kupfuura izvozvo. ”

Iye anowedzera kuti dai Jared akange apa "kukwazisa" kwekuvhura asi akazodzorera shure mushure memhinduro yake, naiyewo angadai akarega nyaya ichizorora.

"Kutaura chokwadi, yakanga isiri kana tambo yake yekuvhura ndiyo yakaita kuti ndide kuita izvi," anodaro. “Aive mhinduro dzake pane zvandakamuudza. Aigona kunge akadonhedza zvese mushure mekunge ndapindura, asi akaramba. ”

Tichitora pamwe naDunzy kuti tikurukure nezvenguva yake munzvimbo ine hutachiona, takawana mukadzi wechidiki akachenjera kupfuura makore ake, zvakadzama kuti iyi 'Jared episode' yaigona kungoreva.

Dunzy ndiNative American - {textend} nhengo yeMuscogee Creek Nation, muOklahoma. Iye anoshanda pamuzinda weRudzi muOkmulgee, Oklahoma, semugamuchiri muchirongwa chayo Chekudzivirira Mhirizhonga Yemhuri. Chirongwa ichi chinobatsira vese maNative uye vasiri maNative vanhu mumamiriro ezvinhu echisimba mudzimba, kushungurudzwa kwevana, nekushungurudzwa pabonde

“Ini pachangu ndakasangana nemhirizhonga mudzimba uye kushungurudzwa pabonde,” anodaro Dunzy, “saka kushanda pano ndiko kunotonyanya kukosha kwandiri. Kuburikidza nebasa rangu, ndakadzidza kuti 84.3% yevakadzi vechiNyika vanosangana nemhirizhonga kwavari munguva yeupenyu hwavo. . . ndiwo mamiriro ezvinhu atinofanira kuchinja zvachose. ”

Kunyangwe akaedzwa asina kunaka kune anozivikanwa majini shanduko ayo anomutsa kenza yemazamu njodzi, Dunzy ane nhoroondo yemhuri yechirwere. Amai vake vakapfuura nekurapwa kenza yemazamu makore akati wandei apfuura, uye hama yepedyo yakafa nechirwere ichi.

"Akafa gore rimwe uye rimwe zuva ndisati ndaonekwa," anodaro Dunzy.

Kuonekwa kwaamai vake kwakakurudzira Dunzy kuti aite shanduko dzakakomba muhupenyu hwake. Akanga achigara nemumwe wake kwegore nehafu amai vake pavakagamuchira nhau, asi hukama hwacho hwaive hwekushusha.

"Amai vangu vakaonekwa, uye mukati mevhiki kana maviri ndakanga ndabuda," Dunzy anoyeuka. “Ndakaona kuti ndaive nechikwereti kuna amai vangu. "Ini ndaida kuzvimiririra, sezvaakange andidzidzisa."

Tichifunga nhoroondo yemhuri yake, vanachiremba vaDunzy vakamurayira kuti azviongorore mazamu nguva nenguva. Chimwe cheizvi chakatungamira mukuwanikwa kwegomarara pazamu rake rerudyi.

"Ndakanga ndakarara pamubhedha humwe husiku uye ndainzwa senge ndaifanira kuita izvi, ndaida kutarisa," anodaro. "Uye ndawana bundu."

Aingova nemakumi maviri nemashanu panguva iyoyo uye, zvinonzwisisika, haana kufunga kuti aive nekenza.

"Ndakamirira vhiki kuti ndiite chero chinhu nezvazvo," anodaro. “Ndanga ndichirerutsa, ndichiziva kuti zvinogona kunge zviri zvimwe zvinhu. Asi zvino ndakaudza amai vangu, uye vakandiudza zvakajeka - {textend} vakandiudza chaizvo - {textend} kuti ndisamirire kuti zviongororwe. "

Kamwe Dunzy paakaisa mavhiri kufamba, zvinhu zvakafamba nekukurumidza: Paive nemazuva mashanu chete pakati pekugadzwa kwake naChiremba wake nezve bundu uye kuongororwa kwake kwekenza yemazamu, munaKurume 2018.

Mushure meizvozvo, zvakadaro, imwe nguva yekumirira yakagadzwa apo Dunzy navanachiremba vake vakateedzera ruzivo rwekuongorora.

"Chinhu chakaipisisa kwaive kusaziva hutachiona hwangu uye nhanho," anoyeuka. "Ndakamirira vhiki ndisati ndazvinzwa."

Mushure mekumwe kuongorora uye bvunzo, vanachiremba vakamuudza kuti gomarara iri raive danho rechipiri uye rakanakira maestrogen receptors ("akafuridzirwa" neestrogen, izvo zvaizokanganisa kurudziro yekurapwa yaizogamuchirwa naDunzy).

Pane imwe nguva paakatanga chemo, Dunzy akawana pfungwa dzake dzichifamba kazhinji kune hama yake yaanoda, uyo hupenyu hwake hwakange hwaderedzwa nekenza yemazamu.

"Ndainzwa kushamwaridzana naye, padhuze naye," anoyeuka. “Ndakafunga zvaakange asangana nazvo. Yakanga iri munzira imwe nguva yakadzama, uye pamweya. Zvinhu zvepamusoro zvakanyangarika. Ndakazviona ndiri padiki padiki, ndine zvakawanda zvabviswa - {textend} pasina bvudzi, pasina eyelashes kana tsiye.

"Uye ipapo ndakakwanisa kuzviudza, 'Simuka wakamira - {textend} uchiri iwe mukati.'"

Sezvazvinowanzoitika nedambudziko rehutano, humwe hushamwari hwaDunzy hwakasimbiswa mukutarisana nedambudziko rake, vamwe ndokudonha.

"Gomarara rakandiunzira kuzviratidza kwakanyanya," anodaro, "uye maonero anowanikwa neruzivo. Vamwe vanhu vaive vakuru padanho rega rega. Vamwe havana kunyatsokwanisa kubata nazvo. ”

Zvisinei nemabatiro akaita mumwe munhu, hukama hwaDunzy naiye pachake hwakasimbiswa zvikuru nezvakaitika kwaari. "Ndinozviziva ndiri nani kupfuura vamwe vanhu vanozviziva ivo pazera ripi neripi," anodaro.

Kana riri ramangwana, zvinangwa zvaDunzy ndezvaari iye nenharaunda yake.

Akatora zororo mune rake rechikoro apedza chikoro chesekondari asi aida kuenderera naro. "Ndiri kuda kudzokera kuchikoro ndigoramba ndichishandira dzinza rangu," anodaro. “Ndinoda kubatsira vamwe vanhukadzi. Ndinoda kushandisa ruzivo rwangu netsitsi kubatsira vamwe. ”

Kufambidzana-nekuchenjera, zvakare, arikutarisa kumberi - {textend} asi haazombozvinyengerere ega pahukama.

Uye kuna Dunzy, izvi hazvireve kungomira kune ma "Jareds" epasirese, asi kuuya kubva kunzvimbo yekuzvida, zvisinei nekuti vamwe vanomugamuchira sei.

"Chinangwa changu ndechekuve usinganzwisisike kwandiri," anodaro. “Pasi petsika, ndingafarire kuroora mumwe munhu ishamwari yangu yepamwoyo uye ane mhuri. Asi kutanga ndinoda kuzvifunga ndimene. ”

Kana traumas yaakasangana nayo ichityisidzira kuvhara iyezvino neramangwana, Dunzy anoedza kusangana navo vakatarisana.

"Ndinotya kudanana, nekuda kwezviitiko zvekare," anodaro. "Asi ini ndinowanawo mufaro uye runako mune zvese, muchidimbu nekuda kwezviitiko zvangu zvese."

Uye mushure mezvese zvaakatsungirira, kusimba kwake kunopenya kuburikidza.

“Ndinozviremekedza,” anowedzera kudaro, “kunyange kana mumwe munhu asingadaro.”

Pamela Rafalow Grossman anogara uye anonyora kuBrooklyn, New York. Basa rake rakaburitswa mu "Village Voice," Salon.com, "Ms." magazini, Time.com, Self.com, uye zvimwe zvitoro. Iye ane makore gumi nerimwe akapona nekenza yemazamu uye anoshanda mumasangano ekurudzira varwere.