Iyo Nyaya Yekuve Wepamberi Nezve Bonde Rako Pazuva Rokutanga

Zvemukati

• Kubatsira kwekubuda paKutanga Kwekutanga
• Ko Kana Ndisinganzwe Ndakachengeteka Kubuda - Kana Vanopindura Zvisizvo?
• Ko Kana Ivo Vari Kugamuchira ... Asi Hauzive Zvakawanda Nezve Kuva LGBTQ +?
• Maitiro Ekubuda PaZuva rekutanga (kana Kunyangwe Izvo zvisati Zvaitika)
• 1. Iise mumaprofiles ako ekupfimbana.
• 2. Goverana magariro ako.
• 3. Slip it in zvisina basa.
• 4. Svipa iyo!
• 5. Bvunza mubvunzo unotungamirira.
• Ongororo ye

Kwaive kupera kwezuva rekutanga. Parizvino, zvinhu zvainge zvave kufamba zvakanaka. Takabata nyaya dzekufambidzana, takasimbisa hukama hwedu hwehukama (vese vane murume mumwe), takakurukura huipi hwedu pachedu, takasungirirwa pamusoro perudo rwakagovaniswa rweyoga neCrossFit, uye nekugovana mafoto evana vedu. Ini ndaive ndichinyatsobatana nemurume uyu - isu tichamudaidza kuti Derek - asi pakanga pachine chimwe chinhu chikuru chataive tisati tataura nezvacho: Bondexuality yangu.

Wandaimbodanana naye akanga anyepedzera kuti kufambidzana kwangu kwaisava nevanhurume vakasiyana-siyana, uye kunyarara kwedu pamusoro pazvo kwakaita kuti ndisanzwe kupenga zvakakwana. Ini ndaida kunzvenga simba iro zvakare, saka pazuva renhamba yekutanga naDerek, ndakazvitaura pachena.

"Zvakakosha kwandiri kuti unzwisise kuti ndine bisexual uye kuti ndicharamba ndiine bisexual kana tikafambidzana."

Kufanana nerockstar iye, Derek akapindura, "Chokwadi, kuva neni hakusi kuzoshandura maitiro ako ezvepabonde." Ini naye takadanana kwerinenge gore. Kunyange zvazvo takaparadzana (nekuda kwezvinangwa zvisingafananidzi kwenguva refu), ndinotenda zvakasimba kuti kugoverana naye zvepabonde kubva pakutanga chikamu chechikonzero nei ndainzwa kudiwa uye kuonekwa patakanga tichifambidzana.

Nekuda kweizvozvo, ini kubva ndazviita mutemo kubuda se bisexual pazuva rekutanga (uye dzimwe nguva, kunyangwe kare). Uye fungidzira chii? Nyanzvi dzinobvumirana nazvo. Ivo vaviri psychotherapist uye wekuroora uye hukama nyanzvi Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT uye chipangamazano ane rezinesi ane marezenisi Maggie McCleary, L.G.P.C., anoita mabasa anosanganisira queer-inclusive, vanoti kubuda kune waungango fambidzana naye nekukurumidza pane kunonoka idanho rakanaka - chero uchinzwa wakachengeteka kuzviita.

Verenga pamusoro kuti udzidze mabhenefiti ekubuda kune mutsva mukana wepamoyo ASAP. Uyezve, matipi ekuti ungazvibata sei, ungave uri bisexual, pansexual, asexual, kana chero chimwe chikamu chequeer muraraungu.

Kubatsira kwekubuda paKutanga Kwekutanga

"Kugovana bonde rako kunobvumira waungangoda kufambidzana naye kuti awane mufananidzo wakakwana wako nekukurumidza," anodaro McCleary. “Uye kuti hukama huve neutano, unoda kuti unge uri wega,” vanodaro.

Kubuda kunze zvakare kunokutendera kuti uone kana munhu wacho achizogamuchira zvebonde rako. Kana ukabuda kuti zuva rako uye havapinduri zvakanaka kana iwe kuwana a pfungwa kuti havazobvume, "ndicho chiratidzo chekuti havazi munhu asiri kuzokugamuchirai mese," anodaro McCleary. Uye mune yakanaka, hukama hwakanaka hwaunoda (uye unoda!) Kugamuchirwa ikoko.

Cherekedza: "Kana vasina kupindura zvakanaka uye ndizvo kwete mutengesi-wako, ipapo panogona kunge paine zvimwe zvinhu zvaunoda kuongorora mukati, "uchifunga kuti zvinoratidza kuti uri kuda kupinda muhukama hunogona kuva husina kunaka, anodaro McCleary. Unogona kuwana imwe pa Psychology Nhasi.)

Kubuda ipapo ipapo kunokuponesa kubva mukushushikana kwe * kwete * kubuda kune mumwe munhu waucharamba uchifambidzana naye. "Ukareba ukarega kugovana navo zvepabonde, ndipo paunonyanya kuzvidya moyo nezvekuti vachazopindura sei," anotsanangura McCleary. (Zvakafanana: ‘Kubuda’ Kwakavandudza Sei Utano Hwangu uye Mufaro)

Kufunga kufunganya kunowanzo kuperekedzwa nezviratidzo zvepamoyo senge manzwiro ekusuwa, kutya, kana kutya, uye kunyangwe zviratidzo zvemuviri, ndiko - kuchenjerera - hapana chakanaka. (Ona Zvimwe: Chii Chinokonzera Kuzvidya Mwoyo-Uye Icho Chisiri?)

Ko Kana Ndisinganzwe Ndakachengeteka Kubuda - Kana Vanopindura Zvisizvo?

Zvinhu zvekutanga kutanga, yeuka kuti haumbofa kudiwa kubuda! "Haumbofi wakakwereta kubuda kune chero munhu - uye iwe kunyanya hausikweretesi kune mumwe munhu wauri kufambidzana naye," anodaro Wright.

Saka kana iwe usiri kuda kuvaudza, usadaro. Kana kana ura hwako huri kukuudza munhu uyu * haasi * kubvuma, usadaro. Muchokwadi, mune yekupedzisira kesi, McCleary anoti iwe une mvumo zvachose yekusiya zuva rekurova dab pakati.

Unogona kuti:

• "Zvawataura ndezve dhiri kwandiri, saka ndave kuzvibvisa neruremekedzo kubva pakadai."
• "Iyo mutemo wekuti ndisafambidzana nema transphobes uye zvawabva kutaura ndezve transphobic, saka ini ndichamisa yasara yezuva iri."
• "Mashoko iwayo haagare zvakanaka mumatumbu angu, saka ndave kuzviregerera."

Unogona here kunamatira zuva racho kusvika kumagumo uye wotumira meseji yakafanana-neshoko iwe paunosvika kumba? Chokwadi. "Kuchengeteka kwako kunofanirwa kuve kwako kwekutanga, asi hapana nzira isiriyo yekukoshesa kuchengetedzeka kwako, chero bedzi uchiita," anodaro Wright. (Zvakabatana: Chii Kuve Muukama hweAsexual Kunonyatsoita)

Ko Kana Ivo Vari Kugamuchira ... Asi Hauzive Zvakawanda Nezve Kuva LGBTQ +?

Kana munhu wauri kufambidzana naye asingazive zvazvinoreva kuva LGBTQ +, kunyangwe iwe uchiramba uchifambidzana navo isarudzo yako wega. Pakupedzisira zvinouya kuzvinhu zviviri zvikuru.

Chekutanga, ingani basa remoyo raunoda kuisa mukudzidzisa munhu uyu nezvekuzivikanwa kwako? Kana, semuenzaniso, iwe uchiri kuongorora bisexuality yako, kudzidza nezve bisexuality neako nyowani boo kunogona kuve kunakidzwa kwekubatana chiitiko. Asi, kana iwe wave uri murume kana mukadzi mushandirwi kwemakumi emakore kana kudzidzisa nezve LGBTQ + nhoroondo yebasa, unogona kunge usingaite kufarira kuita basa rekudzidzisa muhukama hwako.

Chechipiri, zvakakosha zvakadii kwauri kuti vanhu vauri kufambidzana navo vabvume vese uye kuziva nezve queerness yako? "Kana iwe uchinyatsobatanidzwa munharaunda yemunharaunda yako yeLBBTQ, zvingave zvakanyanya kukosha kwauri kufambidzana nemunhu anonzwisisa bisexuality pane munhu ane bisexuality asina kuita basa rakakura munzvimbo yavo yemagariro kana hupenyu," anodaro Wright.

Maitiro Ekubuda PaZuva rekutanga (kana Kunyangwe Izvo zvisati Zvaitika)

Aya matipi anoratidza kuti kubuda hakufanirwe kunge kunotyisa sezvazvinonzwika.

1. Iise mumaprofiles ako ekupfimbana.

Nemagariro ekuparadzanisa nharaunda achiripo, mikana yekusangana nevanhu pabhawa kana pekurovedza muviri yaderera. Saka kana iwe uri kusangana nevangangove vadikani, zvipingaidzo zvakakwirira zviri kuitika pane maapp. Pakadaro, McCleary anokurudzira kuisa bonde rako muprofita mako. (Inoenderana: Sei Coronavirus Ari Kuchinja Kufambidzana Nzvimbo)

Mazuva ano, akawanda ekupfimbana maapplication (Tinder, Feeld, OKCupid, etc.) anoita kuti zvive nyore, zvichikutendera kuti usarudze kubva kwakasiyana-siyana kwevakadzi uye pabonde mamaki anozoonekwa muprofile yako. Tinder, semuenzaniso, inobvumira vanogadzira datha kuti vasarudze anosvika matatu mazwi anonyatsorondedzera kwavo kuita bonde, kusanganisira akananga, ngochani, ngochani, bisexual, asexual, demisexual, pansexual, queer, uye kubvunza. (Yakabatana: Tsananguro dzeLBBTQ + Mazwi Munhu wese Anofanirwa Kuziva)

"Unogona zvakare kuratidza zvine hungwaru nemuraraungu 🌈, murarabungu mureza emojis 🏳️‍🌈, kana moyo moyo iwo ruvara rwevane murume nemukadzi mureza pride," anodaro McCleary.

Kana iwe parizvino uchiongorora hutano hwako uye usati wagadzikana pane zvakanyorwa (kana zvakawanda), unogona kunyora zvakawanda muprofita yako, anodaro Wright. Semuyenzaniso:

• "Kuongorora hutano hwangu uye kutsvaga shamwari nevadikani vanoda kuuya parwendo."
• "Munguva pfupi yapfuura yakabuda isina kutwasuka uye kuno kuongorora kuti zvinorevei kwandiri."
• "Homophobes, misogynists, racists, and biphobes please do this fluid babe a favour and swipe left."

"Kuratidza bonde rako chairo kubva pakuenda kunoderedza chero kumanikidzwa kana kushushikana kwauinako kunoda kubuda pazuva rekutanga," anodaro McCleary. Kana vakatsvaira zvakanaka, ivo vanotoziva hupombwe hwako nekuti yaive ipapo muprofile yako. Uyezve, inoshanda seimwe mhando yefuru fosi, ichikuchengetedza kubva kuenderana nevanhu vasingakugamuchire.

2. Goverana magariro ako.

Uri kubuda here pasocial media - zvichireva kuti unowanzo taura nezvebonde rako kana iwe uchiisa pasocial? Kana zvirizvo, Wright anokurudzira kugovera mabatiro ako enhau enhau pamberi pekusangana pachedu. (Unogona zvakare kufunga nezvekuita nekukurumidza vhidhiyo yekutaura zuva rekutanga kutonga izvi uye zvako zvakajairika kemisitiri zvakare.)

"Zviripachena, online persona inongova chikamu chidiki chezvandiri semunhu, asi ini ndiri kushanda pa Instagram saka kugovera mubato wangu inzira yakanaka yekuti mumwe munhu adzidze kuti ndiri bisexual, queer uye polyamorous ... kuwana simba rangu rese, "anotsanangura kudaro Wright. (Yakabatana: Heino Icho Chaicho Chemhando Yehukama Chaichoicho Chaicho Chaicho)

3. Slip it in zvisina basa.

Mutambo wako uchangoburwa wakakubvunza kana wakamboona mafirimu akanaka nguva pfupi yadarika? Vakakubvunza here zvauri kuverenga? Vapindure vakatendeseka, asi gutsurira hutano hwako iwe uchidaro.

Semuenzaniso: "Ndiri kumirira, saka ini ndiri shasha yekunyora zvinyorwa uye ndangotarisa Kuzivisa," kana, "kubva pandakabuda ndiri bondexual, ndanga ndichiverenga bi memoirs ndisingamire. Tomboyland naMelissa Faliveno."

Kubatsira kweiyi nzira ndeyekuti inoita kuti bonde rako rirege kunzwa sekureurura kukuru uku, anodaro McCleary. "Inochinjisa maitiro 'ekubuda' kubva pane chakakomba kuenda kumusoro unopfuura," nenzira imwecheteyo yaungakurukura chimwe chikamu chako, senge kwawakakurira. (Yakabatana: Ellen Peji PaKubuda Kunze pa27 uye Kurwira Kodzero dzeLBBTQ)

4. Svipa iyo!

Usarega chido chako chekuva munyoro chichikutadzisa kuramba chokwadi chako. "Kutaura chokwadi, munhu anokodzera kudanana naye haasi kuzoita hanya naye." sei unovaudza kuti uri bi kana queer," anodaro Wright.

Iyi mienzaniso inoratidza kuti clunky inogona kungoshanda seyakatsetseka:

• "Handizive kuti ndozvitaura sei asi ndanga ndichida kukuzivisai kuti ndiri bi."
• "Izvi hazvina hukama zvachose nezvatiri kutaura nezvazvo asi ini ndaifarira kuudza vanhu vandiri kuenda navo pamadate kuti ndiri bi. Saka, apa ndiri kukuudza !."
• "Iri zuva rakanga rakanaka! Asi tisati taronga ramangwana, ndinongoda kukuzivisai kuti ndine bondexual."

5. Bvunza mubvunzo unotungamirira.

“Kana ukakwanisa kuona maonero emunhu uyu kana zvematongerwo enyika, unogona kunyatsonzwisisa kuti vanenge vachibvuma here kana kuti kwete vanhu vaunozviti vanoshoreka (zvepabonde kana kuti murume kana murume),” anodaro McCleary.

Iwe unogona kubvunza, semuenzaniso: "Ndeapi maMMM eBMM kana zviitiko zvawakapinda mwedzi uno?" kana "Wakafungei nezve nhaurirano dzemutungamiri wenyika dzichangoburwa?" kana "Unowanepi nhau dzako dzemangwanani?"

Kubva pane ruzivo rwese urwu, unogona kubatanidza zvishoma nezvishoma kana munhu wauri kutaura naye achizunguza mireza mitsvuku kana mireza yemuraraungu - wozvisarudzira wega kana uchida kuvachengeta.

Ongororo ye