Ndiri Mumwe weMireniyamu Asiri Kukoshesa Bonde - Haisi Chinhu Chakaipa

Zvemukati

• Hukama hwedu hauna kusimba here? Ichokwadi haina kunzwa saizvozvo
• Haasi munhu wese anoda kana kunyange anoda kuita zvepabonde - uye izvo zvinogona kunge zvakanaka
• Chero zvingave zvikonzero zvingave, yeuka kuti hauna kuputswa, uye hukama hwako hahuzoparadzwa
• Saka mamireniyamu, hapana chikonzero chekusiyiwa kune husina bonde, hupenyu hunosiririsa

Ini ndinoramba zvakasimba pfungwa yekuti pasina bonde, hapana hukama hwepedyo.

Kureurura: Ini zvechokwadi handigone kurangarira kekupedzisira nguva yandakaita bonde.

Asi zvinoita sekunge handisi ndega mune izvi, chero - ongororo dzichangoburwa dzakaratidza kuti mireniyamu, pane zvese, vari kuita bonde shoma kupfuura zvizvarwa zvakapfuura. Kunyanya zvakanyanya, huwandu hwevanhu vanotaura kuti vane zero zero pabonde mushure mezera re18 rakapetwa kaviri nezviuru zvemamirioni uye iGen (15 muzana), zvichienzaniswa neGenX (6 muzana).

Atlantic nguva pfupi yadarika yakagadzira izvi "hupfumi," zvichiratidza kuti kuderera kwenhamba kwehukama hwepanyama kwakataurwa kunogona kukanganisa mufaro wedu.

Ndinofanira kushamisika, asi: Tiri kungomhanyisa kuridza alarm here?

Mubvunzo hausi ‘Uri kuita bonde here kana kwete?’ Mubvunzo ndewokuti ‘Munhu wese arikugara muhukama akasununguka nehuwandu hwepabonde hwaakave nahwo here?’ Zvatinoda ndezvimwe.

- Dr. Melissa Fabello

Ipfungwa yakachengetedzwa kwenguva refu yekuti bonde ndiyo mbiru yakakosha yehutano uye hutano hwepfungwa, hunotaurwa nezvayo nenzira yakafanana nechinhu chakakosha - sekudya uye kurara.

Asi iko kuenzanisa kwakanaka here kuita? Tinogona here kuva nehukama hune hutano, hunogutsa (uye hupenyu, nenyaya iyoyo) pasina bonde, kana nezvishoma zvacho?

"Ehe. Pasina mubvunzo, hongu, hongu, ”Dr. Melissa Fabello, chiremba wezvepabonde uye mutsvakurudzi wezvebonde, anosimbisa. "Mubvunzo hausi kuti" Uri kuita bonde here kana kwete? 'Mubvunzo ndewokuti' Munhu wese ari kuita hukama akasununguka here nehuwandu hwepabonde hwaakange ave nahwo? 'Zvatinoda ndezvega. "

Kune boka riri kukura revanhu vanosarudza kusaita bonde, maonero aDkt Fabello pano anogona kuwiriranazve. Sechikamu cheboka iro remamireniyoni vari kukoshesa hupenyu hwavo zvakasiyana, zvinondiitira.

Mumwe wangu neni tine zvikonzero zvedu zvakasiyana zvekusaita bonde rakakosha kuhukama hwedu - hurema hwavo hunoita kuti huve hunorwadza uye hunonetesa, uye rangu libido harina kukwirira zvakakwana kuti riite rinonakidza sezvimwe zvinonyanya kukosha zvehupenyu hwangu.

Ini ndinoramba zvakasimba pfungwa yekuti pasina bonde, hapana hukama hwepedyo.

Pandakatanga kurega kuita bonde, ndaive nechokwadi chekuti panofanira kunge paine chakakanganisika neni. Asi mushure mekutaura nachiremba, akandibvunza mubvunzo wakakosha: Ini ndakatozvigona here kuda kuita bonde?

Neimwe fungidziro zvakave pachena kwandiri kuti zvaive zvisina kunyanya kukosha kwandiri.

Uye sezvazvakazoitika, zvaive zvisiri zvese zvakakosha kune mumwe wangu, futi.

Hukama hwedu hauna kusimba here? Ichokwadi haina kunzwa saizvozvo

Isu tave pamwe chete tichifara kwemakore manomwe, mazhinji acho asina kuita bonde.

Ini ndakabvunzwa, "Ndeipi pfungwa, zvadaro?" sekunge hukama huchingori zvibvumirano pabonde - nzira yekuwana chinangwa. Vamwe vanoshevedzera vachiti, "Imi munongo gara pamwe chete!"

Ini ndinoramba zvakasimba pfungwa yekuti pasina bonde, hapana hukama hwepedyo.

Tinogovana mufurati nemubhedha, tinorera vana vaviri vane furosi pamwechete, tinombundirana uye tinoona terevhizheni, tinopa pfudzi rekuchema, kubika kudya kwemanheru pamwe chete, kugovana pfungwa nemifungo yedu yakadzama, uye kusangana nemamiriro ekuderera ehupenyu pamwe chete.

Ini ndaive ndiripo kuvabata pavakadzidza kuti baba vavo vakafa nekenza. Vakanga varipo pandiri pandakanga ndichipora kubva pakuvhiyiwa, vachibatsira kuchinja bhandeji nekugeza bvudzi rangu. Handingadaidzi hukama "husina hukama hwepedyo."

“Pfungwa ndeyekuti isu hatigone kudanana kana kurera vana tisina [cisgender, heterosexual] bonde. Zvine musoro, tinoziva izvo hazvigone kuenderera mberi kubva pachokwadi. Mubvunzo ndewokuti nei tichiramba tichinyepedzera kuti ndizvo. ”

- Dr. Melissa Fabello

Mune mamwe mazwi, tiri vadyidzani. "Bonde" harisi, uye harisati rambove, chinodiwa kwatiri kuvaka hupenyu hune chinangwa uye hunotsigira pamwechete.

"[Tiri] vanhu vamwe nevamwe vane zvido zvedu uye nerusununguko," Dr. Fabello anotsanangura. "[Asi] mumagariro, pachine kumanikidzwa kwevanhu kuti vatevedze nzira yakapusa: yekuroora nekuita vana."

“Pfungwa ndeyekuti isu hatigone kudanana kana kurera vana tisina [cisgender, heterosexual] bonde. Zvine musoro, tinoziva kuti hazvikwanisike kubva pachokwadi, "Dr. Fabello vanoenderera mberi. "Mubvunzo ndewokuti nei tichiramba tichinyepedzera kuti ndizvo."

Pamwe iro dambudziko chairo, saka, harisi rekuita kwechidiki kuita zvepabonde kune vechidiki, asi kunyanyisa kukoshesa bonde pakutanga.

Iko kufungidzira kuti bonde chinhu chinodiwa pahutano - pane kuita chiitiko chine hutano, imwe yesarudzo dzakawanda dzinowanikwa kwatiri - inoratidza kusagadzikana kwazvinogona kunge kusiko chaizvo.

Isa imwe nzira, iwe unogona kuwana yako vitamini C kubva kumaorenji, asi iwe haufanire kudaro. Kana iwe uchida cantaloupe kana chinowedzera, rinowedzera simba kwauri.

Kana iwe uchida kuvaka hukama hwepedyo, kupisa macalorie, kana kunzwa padhuze neumwe wako, bonde haisi iyo yega nzira (uye inogona kunge isiri iyo nzira yakanakira iwe!).

Haasi munhu wese anoda kana kunyange anoda kuita zvepabonde - uye izvo zvinogona kunge zvakanaka

"Chokwadi ndechekuti kutyaira bonde kwakaderera kwakajairika," Dr. Fabello anosimbisa. "Zviri zvakajairika kuti zvekuita zvepabonde zvinofambidzana pamusoro pehupenyu hwako. Zvakajairika kuva asexual. Kusava nehanya nebonde haisi dambudziko. ”

Asi iwe unoziva sei musiyano uripo pakati pekusagadzikana pabonde, asexuality, uye kungosarudza kusaikoshesa?

Dr. Fabello vanoti zvinotanga nekutarisa mukati nemamiriro ako epamoyo. "Uri kunetseka nazvo? Kana iwe uchinetseka nezve yako yakaderera (kana kushomeka) bonde kutyaira nekuti kuri kukukonzera iwe pachako kushushikana, saka icho chinhu chinofanirwa kuve nehanya nazvo nekuti chiri kukuita kuti usagutsikane, "Dr. Fabello anotsanangura.

Nepo kusapindirana pabonde kungave chikonzero chechokwadi chekugumisa hukama, kunyangwe hukama neasina kufananidzwa libidos hazvireve kuti zvaparadzwa, futi. Ingangove nguva yekubvumirana.

Asi pamwe unongowana zvimwe zviitiko zvichizadzisa. Pamwe hautodi bonde. Pamwe haunzwi kuda kuita nguva yazvo izvozvi.

Pamwe iwe kana mumwe wako mune zveasexual, kana ane chirwere chisingaperi kana kuremara izvo zvinoita kuti bonde rinyanye kunetsa kuve rinokosha. Zvichida mhedzisiro kubva pakurapa kwakakomba kana kupora kubva pakurwara kwakaita kuti bonde risafadze, zvirinani kwenguva yakati.

“[Uye] uyu mubvunzo unofanirwa kutariswa kunze kwe hukama hukama. Mubvunzo hausi ‘Mumwe wako arikunetsekana nekushaya kwako bonde here?’ Ndiwo musiyano wakakosha, ”anoenderera mberi.

Hapana chimwe chezvinhu izvi chinotyisa, chero bedzi zvisiri kukanganisa pfungwa yako yekugutsikana.

Chero zvingave zvikonzero zvingave, yeuka kuti hauna kuputswa, uye hukama hwako hahuzoparadzwa

Kusaita bonde sarudzo chaiyo yekuita.

Kushamwaridzana, shure kwezvose, zvirokwazvo hakuna kuganhurirwa kune bonde.

"Kushamwaridzana kwepamoyo, semuenzaniso, kushungurudzika kwatinonzwa kuzviisa panjodzi neavo vatinoda kana kuda, inzira ine simba inoshamisa yehukama," akadaro Dr. Fabello. "[Kune zvakare" 'nzara yeganda, "iyo inotsanangura huwandu hwedu hwekuda kubata nyama, zvakafanana nemutsara wekuti' sex drive 'unoshanda kutsanangura huwandu hwedu hwekuda bonde."

"Ganda renzara rinogutswa kuburikidza nekubata uko kusiri pachena kuita bonde - sekubatana maoko, kugumbatirana, nekumbundirana," Dr. Fabello anoenderera mberi. "Uye kudanana kwakadai kunoenderana ne oxytocin, iyo hormone inoita kuti tinzwe takachengeteka pamwe nevamwe vanhu."

Idzi ndidzo nzira dzose dzehukama hwepedyo, uye dzinogona zvakare kuve nematanho akakosha akasiyana zvichienderana nemunhu.

Nepo kusapindirana pabonde kungave chikonzero chechokwadi chekugumisa hukama, kunyangwe hukama neasina kufananidzwa libidos hazvireve kuti zvaparadzwa, futi. Ingangove nguva yekubvumirana.

“Vafambidzani vari kuda here kuita bonde shoma kana shoma kuti vasvike kune anofara? "Pane mukana here wekuti murume asiri mukadzi mumwe chete akwanise izvozvi?" Dr. Fabello vanobvunza.

Saka mamireniyamu, hapana chikonzero chekusiyiwa kune husina bonde, hupenyu hunosiririsa

Kushayikwa kwechido chebonde hakusi kunetsekana, asi fungidziro yekuti kugara uchiita bonde kwakakosha kuti uve nehupenyu hunofadza kunenge kuri.

Iko kufungidzira, Dr. Fabello vanonyora, izvo pakupedzisira hazvibatsire. "Hutano hwehukama hwakawanda zvakanyanya nezvekuti kana zvido zvevanhu vese zvasangana pane nezve huwandu hwevanhu vanoita zvebonde vanofanirwa kuve nahwo," anodaro.

Panzvimbo pekuvhunduka pamusoro pekuti kana mamireniyoni ari kubatikana, zvingave zvakakosha kubvunza kuti nei tichiisa kusimbisa kwakasimba pabonde pakutanga. Icho ndicho chinonyanya kukosha pakugarisana kwepamoyo uye hukama? Kana zvirizvo, handisati ndagutsikana.

Zvinogona here kungoitika kuti kuenda pasina bonde ingori chikamu chekudzikira uye kuyerera kwehupenyu hwedu chaihwo hwevanhu?

Zvinoita sekunge takatora kurerutsa chokwadi chekuti nekumisikidza vanhu kuti vatende kuti bonde idanho rinokosha muhupenyu, isu zvakare tinogadza vanhu kuti vatende kuti havana basa uye vakaputswa vasina - izvo zvisina simba, kutaura zvishoma.

Mumaziso aDr. Fabello, hapanawo humbowo hunoratidza kuti kuderera uku kunotyisa futi. “Pese panenge paine kudonha kwakakosha kana kusimuka mune chero maitiro, vanhu vanonetsekana. Asi hapana chikonzero chekushushikana, "akadaro Dr. Fabello.

"Nyika iyo mireniyamu yakagara nhaka yakasiyana zvakanyanya nevabereki vavo kana vanasekuru," anowedzera. "Chokwadi mashandiro avanoita nyika iyoyo angataridzika zvakasiyana."

Mune mamwe mazwi, kana isina kuputswa? Panogona kunge pasina chaicho chekugadzirisa.

Sam Dylan Finch ndiye anotungamira mutsigiri muLGBTQ + hutano hwepfungwa, awana kuzivikanwa kwepasirese kune rake blog, Lets Queer Things Up!, Iro rakatanga kuenda muhutachiona mu2014. transgender kuzivikanwa, kuremara, zvematongerwo enyika uye mutemo, nezvimwe zvakawanda. Kuunza hunyanzvi hwake hwakabatanidzwa muhutano hweveruzhinji uye midhiya midhiya, Sam parizvino anoshanda semagariro mupepeti kuHealthline.