Nhungamiro Yevatanga KuVhura Hukama

Zvemukati

• Chii chaizvo chinonzi hukama hwakavhurika?
• Icho chinhu chakafanana ne polyamory?
• Izvo zvakare hachisi chinhu chakafanana nekubiridzira
• Chii chakakosha?
• Unoziva sei kuti zvakakunakira iwe?
• Pane chero zvipi zvakanaka kune hukama hwakavhurika?
• Pane zvakashata zvekutarisa here?
• Unofanira kuzviunza sei nemumwe wako wazvino?
• Munoisa sei mitemo yepasi rose?
• Ndeipi miganho yemanzwiro iwe yaunofanira kufunga nezvayo?
• Ndeipi miganho yepanyama neyebonde yaunofanira kufunga nezvayo?
• Unofanira kutarisa kangani nemumwe wako wekutanga nezve miganhu?
• Iwe unounza sei hukama hwako hwehukama kusvika kune waungazodanana naye?
• Zvine basa here kana wako wechipiri mudiwa ari murume mumwe kana polyamorous?
• Iwe unofanirwa here kuve nekutarisa-neako echipiri shamwari (s), futi?
• Ndekupi kwaunogona kudzidza zvakawanda?

Isu tinosanganisira zvigadzirwa zvatinofunga zvinobatsira kuvaverengi vedu. Kana iwe ukatenga kuburikidza nehukama pane ino peji, isu tinogona kuwana diki komisheni. Heano maitiro edu.

Mabhawa, pfungwa, nzungu ruomba zvirongo. Zvakapihwa kuti zvinhu izvi zviri nani kuvhurika. Huye, vanhu vazhinji vasina monogamous vanogona kupokana hukama huri pane irwo runyorwa.

Chii chaizvo chinonzi hukama hwakavhurika?

Zvinoenderana nekuti ndiani ari kupindura. Pane tsanangudzo mbiri dzakasiyana.

Yekutanga inoti "hukama hwakavhurika" izwi remburera rinovhara dzimwe nzira dzese dzisingabvumirane nemurume mumwe chete, senge murume mumwe chete, vanoshambira, uye polyamory.

Pfungwa ndeyekuti kuroora mumwe zvinoreva nzira yakavharwa, uye mhando dzese dzehukama husingafungiri dzakavhurika.

Tsananguro yechipiri (uye yakajairika), inoti hukama hwakavhurika huri Poshi mhando yehukama husingafungiri pasi peiyo Ethical Nonmonogamous amburera.

Pano, kazhinji, hukama hwakavhurika hunofungidzirwa kuitika pakati pevanhu vaviri muhukama hwepakutanga avo vakabvumirana kuvhura hukama hwavo pabonde - asi kwete zvekudanana.

Nekudaro, nepo "hukama hwakavhurika" ichigara ichiratidza kuti hukama huripo kunze kweMunhu Mumwe Chinhu Changu Chese chinhu (aka monogamy), kuti uzive chaizvo zvinorehwa nemumwe munhu nazvo, iwe unofanirwa kubvunza.

Icho chinhu chakafanana ne polyamory?

LGBTQ-inoshamwaridzika pabonde mudzidzisi uye ane rezinesi wepfungwa Liz Powell, PsyD, munyori we "Kuvaka Kuvhura Hukama: Maoko Ako-On Gwara To Swinging, Polyamory, & Beyond" inopa iyi dudziro ye polyamory:

"Polyamory ndiyo tsika ye, kana kuda, kuva nehukama hune rudo uye / kana hwehukama nevanhu vanopfuura mumwe chete panguva, nemvumo yevanhu vese vanobatanidzwa."

Saka kwete, polyamory haina kufanana. Nepo hukama nehukama hwehukama nevanhu vanopfuura mumwe vari zvakajeka inobvumidzwa mu polyamory, izvo hazvisizvo zvazviri muhukama hwakavhurika.

Zvepabonde mudzidzisi Davia Frost anocherekedza kuti kazhinji vanhu vane polyamorous vanozviona sechinhu chakakosha pakuzivikanwa kwavo, zvakanyanya sevamwe vanhu vanoona kuve ngochani kana queer.

Kazhinji, vanhu vari muhukama hwakavhurika havanzwe sehukama hwavo hwehukama (aka nonmogamy) chikamu chakaomarara chevari zvavari.

Izvo zvakare hachisi chinhu chakafanana nekubiridzira

Vanhu vari muhukama hwakavhurika vane chibvumirano kuti kuita bonde kana hukama hwepamoyo nevamwe vanhu kwakanaka.

Uyezve, nepo kubiridzira kuchionekwa sekusavimbika, hukama hwakavhurika - kana hwaitwa nemazvo - hunhu nemasikirwo.

Chii chakakosha?

Iko hakuna kana poindi. Kazhinji, vanhu vanopinda hukama hwakavhurika nekuti vanofunga kuti zvichavaunzira mufaro, mufaro, rudo, kugutsikana, orgasms, mufaro, kana kumwe kusanganiswa kweizvozvo.

Zvikonzero zvaunogona kufunga nezvehukama hwakavhurika:

• Iwe nemudiwa wako mese mune rudo rwakawanda rwekupa uye munotenda kuti munogona kuda kudarika munhu mumwechete kamwechete.
• Iwe unoda kuongorora hukama hwako hwepabonde kana hukama hwepabonde nemumwe munhu wechikadzi.
• Iwe nemumwe wako mune imwe kosi yemafisiti asina kufananidzwa.
• Mumwe mudiwa isexual uye haafarire bonde, uye mumwe wacho anoda kuita bonde.
• Mumwe mudiwa ane imwe kink kana fungidziro iyo yavanoda kuongorora iyo imwe isina kana basa nazvo.
• Kuona (kana kunzwa nezvako) mumwe wako achirara nemumwe munhu zvinokutendeukira, kana zvimwewo.

Unoziva sei kuti zvakakunakira iwe?

Nehurombo, kuona kuti hukama hwakavhurika hwakakukodzera iwe (kana hwakakodzera iwe nemumwe wako) hazvisi nyore sekutora bvunzo dzepamhepo nekutora mhinduro dzakatarisana.

• Tanga nekuziva kuti sei iwe uri murume mumwe uye zvinorevei kwauri. Ndeapi mameseji nezve mukadzi mumwe chete awakatambira uchikura?
• Kero kana kana iwe uchifarira kuvhura hukama hwako. Imhaka yekuti wakasimudzira manzwiro emumwe munhu uye ungade kuzviita? Imhaka here yekuti iwe kana mumwe wako mune zvakawanda zvezvinodiwa zvinogona kusangana zvirinani nevanhu vanopfuura mumwe chete?
• Zvino zvibvumire iwe kufungidzira kuti hupenyu hwako hungatarise sei dai iwe uri muhukama hwakavhurika. Wana ruzivo. Uchagara kupi? Pachava nevana here? Mumwe wako achavawo nevamwe vakaroorana here? Ndedzipi mhando dzebonde dzauchazoongorora? Rudzii rworudo? Iko kufungidzira kunoita kuti unzwe sei?
• Tevere, dzidza zvakawanda nezvehunhu husina monogamy. Kutanga nekuverenga nezvehukama hwakavhurika uye polyamorous zvinyorwa (zvimwe pane izvi pazasi), kuenda kumapolamameti eMetUp mapoka, uye nekutevera vanhu vanoita zvetsika nonmonogamy kana polyamory pa Instagram ne Twitter.

Pane chero zvipi zvakanaka kune hukama hwakavhurika?

Gehena hongu! Pane chikonzero chinopfuura chimwe chete muzvishanu chevanhu chave kana vari mune chimwe.

Kune imwe, izvo (kazhinji) zvinoreva bonde rakawanda!

"Ndinoda kusava nemurume mumwe chete nekuti ndiri munhu anoda ruzivo nekutsvaga," anodaro Powell. "Ini ndinowana icho nekugara nevanhu vakawanda sekuda kwangu."

Anowedzera kuti: "Ini zvakare ndinokwanisa kugona kumanikidza - unova mufaro weumwe mufaro - saka kuona vamwe vangu vachizadziswa pabonde uye vachifara zvinondifadza."

Kuroora kwakapihwa marezinesi uye chiremba wezvemhuri Dana McNeil, MA, LMFT, muvambi weRelationship Place muSan Diego, California, anosheedzera kuti kunyangwe iwe ukazopedzisira wavhara hukama, kuita tsika nonmonogamy kunobatsira vanhu kukodza hunyanzvi hwavo mukugadzirisa matambudziko, kutaurirana , uye kugadzira nekubata miganhu.

"Zvinogara zvichimanikidza vanhu kuti vazive chaizvo zvavanoshuvira uye zvavanoda," anodaro McNeil.

Pane zvakashata zvekutarisa here?

Iko hakuna kukanganisa kwehukama hwakavhurika, pane se, zvikonzero zvisirizvo chete zvekupinda muhukama hwakavhurika.

"Nonmonogamy inogona kuwedzera preexist zviripo zvemunhu nyaya uye nenyaya muhukama," anodaro Powell.

Anowedzera kuti: "Kana iwe uri munhu akaipa pakukurukurirana, kufanira kutaura zvakadzama uye nevanhu vazhinji nezvenyaya dzakawanda kuri kuzokupa iwe mikana yakawanda yekuwana mhedzisiro nekuda kweizvozvo."

Pfungwa imwe chete iyoyo inoshanda kana iwe uchinge usina kutendeseka, uchidzvinyirira, uine godo kana kuzvida. Panzvimbo pekungoti mumwe munhuwo zvake awane mhedzisiro yehunhu ihwohwo, akawanda anozokanganiswa.

"Nonmonogamy haisi kuzogadzirisa hukama nenheyo isina kugadzikana," anodaro Powell. Saka kana chiri icho chikonzero chauri kuvhura hukama, zvingangoita kuti murambane.

Unofanira kuzviunza sei nemumwe wako wazvino?

Iwe hausi kuyedza "kugutsa" mumwe wako kuti ave muhukama hwakavhurika.

Kutanga ne "Ini" chirevo uye wozotungamira mumubvunzo, semuenzaniso:

• "Ndanga ndichiverenga nezvehukama hwakavhurika, uye ndinofunga chingave chinhu chandiri kuda kuedza. Ungave wakasununguka kutaura nezve kuvhura hukama hwedu? "
• "Ndanga ndichifunga zvekuita bonde nevamwe vanhu, uye ndinofunga ndingangoda kuongorora izvozvo. Ungafunga nezvehukama hwepedyo? ”
• “Ndinofunga kuti kuchapisa chaizvo kuona mumwe munhu wauinaye. Ungazoda kukoka munhu wechitatu mubhedhuru? ”
• "Libido yangu yanga yakadzikira zvakanyanya kubva pakuenda [isa mushonga pano], uye ndanga ndichifunga nezve kuvhura hukama hwedu kuitira kuti mugowana zvimwe zvezvido zvenyu zvebonde uye zvamunoda kune imwe nzvimbo zvingave kwatiri. Unofunga ichi ndicho chinhu chatinogona kutaura nezvacho? ”

Kana iwe uchinyatsoda kuve muhukama hwakavhurika uye mumwe wako achivhara zvachose pfungwa pasi, zvinogona kunge zviri zvisingakundike kusawirirana.

"Pakupedzisira, kana munhu mumwe chete muhukama huripo achida kuvhura hukama ihwohwo pachena, ungangoda kurambana," anodaro McNeil.

Munoisa sei mitemo yepasi rose?

Kutaura chokwadi: Uyu ndiwo mubvunzo usiri iwo.

Kuti unzwisise kuti sei, unofanirwa kunzwisisa musiyano uripo pakati pemiganhu, zvibvumirano, nemitemo.

“Muganhu uri pamusoro peunhu hwako. Mwoyo wako, nguva, pfungwa, muviri, ”anodaro Powell.

Nekudaro, iwe unogona kuve nemuganhu wakakomberedza kwete kuyerera kwekubatanidza kune mumwe munhu ari fluid akasungwa kune mumwe munhu.

Iwe haugone kuve ne muganhu wakatarisana kuti ndiani mumwe wako waanorara naye, vanoita pabonde zvakadii, uye kuti vanoshandisa zvipingaidzo here.

"Muganhu unoisa mutoro kwatiri, panzvimbo yemumwe wako," anotsanangura Powell. "Yakawedzerwa simba."

Zvibvumirano zvinogona kutaurwazve nechero munhu wavanogadzira.

“Kana mumwe wangu neni tiine chibvumirano chekuti tinogara tichishandisa madhibhino emazino, makondomu nemagurovhosi nevamwe vedu, asi mumwe wangu nemumwe wedu achida kuenda kusashandisa zvipingaidzo, isu vatatu tinogona kugara pasi nyorazve chibvumirano ichi pamwe chete kuti tese tigadzikane, ”anotsanangura kudaro Powell.

Zvibvumirano inzira inonyanya kunzwira tsitsi uye yakakosha yevakaroora vari kutsvaga kuwedzera mumwe wechitatu kune yavo pabonde kana kudanana.

Kazhinji zvechitatu (dzimwe nguva zvinonzi "unicorn") manzwiro, zvishuwo, zvido, uye zvido zvinorapwa sezvisingakoshe kupfuura vevakaroorana. Zvibvumirano zvinovabata zvakanyanya sevanhu vavari pane kuita, toti, kutonga.

"Mitemo chinhu chinoitwa nevanhu vaviri kana vanodarika icho chinokanganisa avo vakavakomberedza, asi avo vakavakomba havawani matauriro," anotsanangura kudaro Powell.

Kazhinji kutaura, "mitemo" kuyedza kudzora maitiro uye manzwiro emumwe wedu.

"Chido chekuita mitemo chinowanzoitika kubva kune mumwe murume mamiriro ezvinhu anotiudza kuti mumwe wedu haakwanise kuda kudarika munhu mumwe, kana kuti anotisiya kana vawana mumwe munhu 'zvirinani," anodaro Powell.

Kunyangwe vanhu vazhinji vari vatsva kune vasina monogamy kazhinji kuda kuisvikira kubva kunzvimbo-inoenderana nenzvimbo, anonyevera pamusoro pazvo.

"Kazhinji, mitemo inopedzisira isisashandise simba uye isina hunhu mukuita," anodaro Powell, achiwedzera kuti iye anokurudzira kutanga nemipimo yemunhu.

Ndeipi miganho yemanzwiro iwe yaunofanira kufunga nezvayo?

Kana pfungwa ye manzwiro anouya kumusoro, vakaroorana vanowanzoda kuita mitemo kutenderera kusadanana nemumwe munhu, anodaro Powell.

Iwo mafuremu mafungidziro anoda sechinhu chakaganhurirwa uye pakupedzisira anokumisira iwe kukundikana.

"Hazvina mhosva kuti unozviziva sei iwe, haugone kuziva wauchazowira," anodaro.

Saka pachinzvimbo chekumisikidza Kwete Manzwiro Akabvumidzwa mutemo, Powell anokurudzira kutendeukira mukati uye kuzvibvunza iwe:

• Ndingaratidza sei rudo? Ndinoigamuchira sei?
• Kangani kandinoda kuona mumwe wangu kuti ndinzwe kukosheswa? Ini ndoda kugovera sei nguva yangu? Inguva yakawanda sei nguva yandinoda?
• Ndeupi ruzivo rwandinoda kuziva? Ini ndoda kugovera sei?
• Ndiani wandinogovana nzvimbo naye uye pasi pemamiriro api?
• Ndeapi mazwi andiri kugadzikana kushandisa kuratidza hukama hwangu nevamwe?

Ndeipi miganho yepanyama neyebonde yaunofanira kufunga nezvayo?

Miganhu yakajairwa yepanyama neyepabonde inotarisana nekutarisana nenjodzi pabonde, zviito zvepabonde ndezve- kana zvisingabvumirwe, uye kana / riini / sei iwe uchiratidza rudo.

Semuyenzaniso:

• Ndiani anondibata uye kupi? Pane mhando dzekubata dzandisingade kupa? Zvakadii nekutambira?
• Ndichaongororwa kangani, ndeapi mabvunzo andichaitwa? Ndichatora PrEp?
• Ndiani, rini, uye zviito zvipi zvandinoshandisa nzira dzekudzivirira?
• Ndichataura rinhi kuvanhu nezvekuti vakaedzwa sei nguva pfupi yadarika, uye ndedzipi tsika dzakasiyana dzepabonde dzakachengeteka kubva ipapo?
• Matoyi angu achashandiswa / kugoverwa / kucheneswa sei?
• Ndekupi kwandinogadzikana pabonde?
• Zvinorevei PDA kwandiri? Ndiani wandiri kugadzikana kuva munyama munzvimbo dzinowanikwa vanhu?

Unofanira kutarisa kangani nemumwe wako wekutanga nezve miganhu?

Iwe haudi kuwira mumusungo wekugadzirisa hukama hwako (s) zvakanyanya kupfuura zvauri kurarama iwe (ivo), asi zvine mutsindo unenge uine kugara uchiongorora.

Iwe unogona kutanga nekumira musangano uye wozviita zvishoma kazhinji kana iwe uchipinda mukusvetuka (heh) yezvinhu.

Iwe unounza sei hukama hwako hwehukama kusvika kune waungazodanana naye?

Pakarepo.

"Iwe kuva polyamorous kungave kuri kutyora chibvumirano kwavari, uye ivo kuve nemurume mumwe vanogona kunge vari kutyora chibvumirano chako, saka unofanirwa kuve pachena," anodaro Powell.

Mamwe matemplate ekukwereta:

• "Tisati taita zvakakomba, ndinofarira kugovana kuti parizvino ndiri muhukama hwakavhurika, zvinoreva kuti nepo ini ndichigona kufambidzana zvisina kujairika kunze kwehukama hwangu, ndine mumwe wangu wepamoyo."
• “Ndinoda kukuzivisai kuti handifariri murume mumwe chete uye ndinonakidzwa nekufambidzana nevanhu vakawanda panguva imwe chete. Uri kuzopedzisira wave kutsvaga kuva muukama hwepedyo chete? ”
• “Ndinoda kukuzivisai kuti ndinodanana ndisina murume uye handisi kutsvaga hukama chete. Unonzwa sei nezvekufambidzana nevanhu vakawanda panguva imwe chete, kana kudanana nemunhu anofambidzana nevanhu vakawanda panguva imwe chete? ”

Kana iwe uri online kudanana, McNeil anokurudzira kuzviisa ipapo ipapo mune yako nhoroondo.

Zvine basa here kana wako wechipiri mudiwa ari murume mumwe kana polyamorous?

Kune akatiwandei akasiyana-siyana ehumwe-mativi hukama hwakavhurika, inozivikanwa zvakare seye mono-poly musanganiswa hukama.

Muhumwe hukama, nekuda kwekuita zvepabonde, libido, kufarira, zvichingodaro, vaviri vacho vanobvuma kuvhura hukama nechinangwa chekuti mumwe chete we (kazhinji wepakutanga) vanobatana "anoita" zvisingaite.

Dzimwe nguva, munhu anozvizivisa semumwe mukadzi anogona kusarudza kufambidzana nemunhu ane polyamorous.

Saka mhinduro: "Kwete hazvo," anodaro McNeil. "[Asi] munhu wese anoda kuti aziviswe kuti munhu ane polyamorous ari kufambidzana polyamorously kubva kubheti."

"Izvi zvinobvumidza mumwe munhu kuti atore danho rine ruzivo pamusoro pekuti vari kuda kuva here ehukama hwakajeka kana kwete."

Iwe unofanirwa here kuve nekutarisa-neako echipiri shamwari (s), futi?

Zvichireva, iwe unofanirwa kuve nechokwadi chekuti wako wechipiri mudiwa arikufara kukochekera newe? Uye kunzwa kunzwa kuremekedzwa uye kuchengetwa? Zviripachena.

Kunyangwe iwe uchironga yepamutemo cheki-ins zviri kwauri. Hazvina mhosva kuti chimiro chako chehukama chii, iwe pamweyyy vanoda kuve neanoshandira apo mapato ese anonzwa kugadzikana kutaura zvavanoda uye zvavanoda uye kugadzirisa zvisina kukwana zvido kana zvavanoda.

Ndekupi kwaunogona kudzidza zvakawanda?

Iwe haufanire kutarisira shamwari dzako muhukama hwakavhurika kuti ubate ruoko rwako panguva yese yekuvhura hukama hwako ( * kukosora * kushungurudzika kwebasa * kukosora *).

Kana iwe uine shamwari dzichiita zvisingaite monogamy, uchitaurirana navo nezve izvo zvinoita senge kwavari, maitiro avakaita yavo miganhu, uye mabatiro avanobata godo anogona kubatsira.

Mabhuku anozivikanwa pahukama hwakavhurika anosanganisira:

• "Kuvaka Ukama Hwepachena"
• “Vanopfuura Vaviri”
• “Huremu Hwetsika”
• "Kuvhura: Nhungamiro Kugadzira uye Kuchengetedza Hukama Hwakajeka"

Iwe unogona zvakare kutarisa zvimwe (zvemahara!) Zviwanikwa senge:

• PachIrir.net
• Chinyorwa chaDean Spade "Kune Vanoda nekurwa"
• PolyInfo.org

Zvinyorwa senge izvo zvauri kuverenga (mhoro!), Ichi gwara pane polyamory, uye ino yeiri pakubatana kwemvura, zviwanikwa zvakanaka, futi.

Gabrielle Kassel ndeyeNew York-yakavakirwa pabonde uye hutano munyori uye CrossFit Level 1 Mudzidzisi. Iye ave munhu wemangwanani, akaedzwa anopfuura mazana maviri vibrator, uye akadya, akadhakwa, uye nekukweshwa nemazimbe - zvese muzita rezvenhau. Munguva yake yemahara, anogona kuwanikwa achiverenga mabhuku ekuzvibatsira uye enganonyorwa dzerudo, kumanikidza bhenji, kana kutamba matanda. Mutevere pa Instagram.