Uyu Clinical Sexologist Ane Dzimwe Manzwiro Akasimba NezveNetflix's Bonde / Hupenyu

Zvemukati

• Ndiani murume "akakodzera" kuna Billie, zvakadaro?
• Iko kuratidzwa kwehukama hwakavhurika ndeye zvachose dumpster moto.
• Kuita sechidhoma hakusi kupa masimba pabonde. Zviri kungoita kunge dhongi.
• Ongororo ye

Muchiitiko chekuti hausati wanzwa (kana kuona iyo viral episode 3 reaction mavhidhiyo paTikTok), nhepfenyuro nyowani yeNetflix, Bonde / Hupenyu, nguva pfupi yadarika yakava mukurumbira wepakarepo. Chokwadi chinotaurika, ndakarumwa chinhu chose mumazuva maviri. Chiratidziro chemukadzi ari nyanga isingagutsikane uye anoda bonde uye ane zvakawanda zvekusangana pabonde? EHE!

Ini zvese ndezvekugoneswa kwevakadzi pabonde, uye ndakafarira kuona kuti vangani zviratidziro zvitsva zvakaratidza chishuwo chechikadzi nenzira inopa vakadzi mubatanidzwa pane zvavanoda (ahem, Bridgerton, Inzwa Zvakanaka, Nyasha naFrankie, uye Nyore) Nenzira dzakawanda, Bonde/Hupenyu anoita izvozvo chaizvo. Inopa Billie (wekuratidzira protagonist) mukana wekuva mukadzi wepabonde chaizvo uyo anofarira kuzviwana (akanaka noutsinye, futi) asati amuka mumuchato neakakwana "murume wezviroto zvake" uye nevana vaviri.

Yambiro: Kune vakawanda vaparadzi pamberi. Asi kana urikutarisa izvozvi Bonde / Hupenyu kana kungopedzwa uye kusiiwa senge 🥴!?!?!! zvino ndinovimba izvi zvichabatsira kujekesa zvinhu. Uye kana usati watarisa, zvakanaka, ungangoda kuramba uchiverenga zvakadaro: Ini ndinoita nokutendeseka ndichifunga kuti uchazoda kuziva zvimwe zvezvinhu izvi. pamberi iwe zvitarise. Zvakandisveta nekukasira (zvinopisa uye pane bonde rakawanda), asi zvakandisiya ndichinzwa kuodzwa mwoyo uye kupererwa. Paive nezvakawanda uyu wairatidza zvakanaka… asi pakanga paine zvakawanda zvakamisikidzwa. Iwe haugone kuwana zvese mushe nguva dzese, ini ndinowana, asi nzira iyo rangano rakafumurwa rakanzwa risingakoshi uye kumashure zvekuti handina kugona kubatsira asi kufunga: Chii mugehena chandakangotarisa?

Izvo zvakakosha kuti uzive kuti iyi show ndeyechokwadi yakavakirwa pabhuku - uye kwete chero chero bhuku, asi iyo memoir 44 Zvitsauko Nezve 4 Varume neBB Easton (Tenga Iiri, $ 14, amazon.com), zvichireva kuti rangano rekuratidzira rakaunganidzwa kubva kune mumwe munhu hupenyu chaihwo. Izvo zvakati, ichi chichiri chiratidzo chekunyepedzera, hachireve kuratidza hupenyu chaihwo, uye hachisi chinhu chaunofanirwa kufungidzira (sekunakidzwa sekuonekwa kwepabonde). Heino chikonzero.

Ndiani murume "akakodzera" kuna Billie, zvakadaro?

Ndakaisa "murume wezviroto zvake" (kana ndichireva murume waBillie Cooper) mumakotesheni ari pamusoro nekuti pane imwe mhando yehunyoro kune iyi pfungwa - iyo inozoonekwa sezvo show inoenderera mberi. Cooper akavimbika zvakanyanya, baba vakuru, uye zvakanyanya, zvese Brad (waBillie ex) hazvisi.

Hongu, Cooper ndeyechokwadi "Guy Akanaka." Muchokwadi, iyo showa inoenda panenge panzira yayo kugara ichitiyeuchidza nezve izvo. Anoda kununura nyika nekudyara muhungwaru tekinoroji iyo inoponesa hupenyu hwevanhu. Anorova shamwari yake yaanoshanda naye pamutambo webonde nekuti ari kurova mukadzi wake, obva asvitsa nyaya yacho kuna boss wake naHR. Cooper ndiye "Akanaka Guy" uye Brad akagadziridzwa - asi hazvo hazvinyatso kujeka kuti ichi ichokwadi sei - "Bad Boy." Icho chokwadi cheichi chese "Husband uye Toxic Ex" dichotomy chidiki cheziso roll, IMO.

Asi iyo haisi iyo chaiyo pfungwa pano. Dambudziko nderekuti Billie anobata sei chishuwo chake chakanyanya chepabonde kuna Brad nerudo rwake uye kugadzikana naCooper. Ari kuzvishingisa here kuti Cooper akakodzera zvese izvi kushushikana kwepfungwa? Iye chaiye "Iye?" Hatina kumbopihwa kukwana kwakakwana mumanzwiro ake echokwadi kuti tiwane mhinduro yakananga kumubvunzo uyu. Ini ndinofungidzira kuti anoda chaizvo Cooper, asi anosarudza kuratidza kushushikana kwake kwepabonde nehupenyu hwavo hwepabonde hunoodza mwoyo mune dhayari pane kungozviunza kwaari. Kwandiri, izvi zvinonzwa rudzi rweWTF. (Yakabatana: Unogona Kunyorera Nzira Yako Kuita Bonde Riri Nani?)

Zvinotaridza kuti Billie anogara achitarisira kuti mudiwa wake azadzise zvishuwo zvake zvepabonde kuna T, asingatombotsanangure zvaari kuda kana zvaanoda.Anovimbawo nekemikari yepabonde yekukurumidza kuchengetedza hupenyu hwake hwepabonde - asi sechiremba akavimbiswa sexologist, ndinogona kukuudza kuti izvi hazvigoneki kune vakawanda, vakawanda vakaroorana. Vazhinji vakaroorana vane kemikari yekukurumidza (saka iyo yekutanga kukwezva), asi iyo chemistry inogonawo kupera nekufamba kwenguva. Bonde rinotora basa uye rinoita zvirinani nekufamba kwenguva (kazhinji) sekureba sekureba zvese vanhu vakazvipira kuita zviri nani.

Kuita kuti zvinyanye kushungurudza, Billie aivewo munzira kuenda kuPh.D. mune psychology (uye parizvino ane degree raTenzi mune psychology) asati asangana nekuroora Cooper. Ndiye chiremba wepfungwa asina murapi wake. Anonyora chinyorwa mu Psychology Nhasi pamusoro pekuvimba uye kuchengeteka kuva zvakakosha zvechikadzi orgasm, asi haambofungi, "Hei, ndine hupenyu hwepabonde hunonyadzisa nemurume wangu. Ndinofunga kuti tinofanira kuona chipangamazano chevakaroorana." Kana, senge, kunyange kutaura naye nezvazvo. Pane kudaro, anoenda pamwe, "Ini ndinofunga ndicharegeredza zvachose dambudziko ndobva ndatsamwira murume wangu zvachose ndichirota nezvehusiku ihwohwo hunopisa naex wangu, Brad."

Murapi wevakaroorana angadai akavabatsira kuti vagadzirise zvido zvavo zvebonde zvakasiyana, kusapindirana kwavo pabonde, kwavaigona kuita shanduko, uye kuvabatsira kusimbisa kuzvipira kwavo kune mumwe nemumwe. Murapi wevakaroorana angadai akavabatsira kupora pane kurega chigumbu chichikura, sezvazvinoita kuna Billie zvishoma nezvishoma.

Iko kuratidzwa kwehukama hwakavhurika ndeye zvachose dumpster moto.

Ino inoita kunge poindi iyo show inoedza kuita nekutendeka kwakanaka: Iwe haufanire kusarudza pakati pemumwe munhu anokupa zvese ruchiva uye munhu anokupa kuvimba kwese. UNOGONA kuva nezvose zviri zviviri: Inonzi isina-monogamy / hukama hwakavhurika / polyamory. Nekudaro, iyo inoenderera mberi kuenda ku f * ck izvi zvichishamisa, yakaita kuti ganda rangu rikande.

Yay yekupa masimba evanhukadzi pabonde, asi boo yekuita asiri-monogamy anotaridzika senge "shoma-pane" fomu yehukama, inongoitwa nevasina kufara vaviri vachingoedza kuve ne "yakakwana."

Izvi zvinondiunza kune chimwe chiitiko chaicho: Bonde bato Billie naCooper vanopinda neshamwari dzavo (dzinoita senge dzakabvarurwa-kumusoro) Greenwich vaviri shamwari, Trina naDevon.

Tarisa, shamwari dzavo hadzisi dzemurume mumwe - kunyanya, muwanano yakasununguka. Vanoenda kumabiko epabonde. Izvo zvakanaka, asi Cooper naBillie havana bhizinesi rekuita bonde. Billie anoda kusangana pabonde zvinoshamisa asi agara achidaro mumamiriro ehukama hwemurume mumwe chete. Zvichakadaro, hukama hwake huri mukutambudzika kuzere. Mabiko ekusangana pabonde ndeevakaroorana vanofara, vakachengeteka, uye vanoongorora nyaya dzepabonde. Ndezvevakaroora vanoda kutsvaga pabonde nevamwe - kwete kune avo vanoda kuyedza kusunga dambudziko pakati pavo.

Chinhu chega chakaitwa naTrina naDevon kuunza Billie naCooper kumabiko vasina kubata base pamberi. Izvo zvakati, iwe haugone kutarisira nguva dzese murume nemukadzi vanofamba vachiziva nzira yekufamba nayo mvura yakaoma iyi. Ivo havasi vanoita zvehunyanzvi.

Cooper anowana blowjob kubva kuna Trina nekuti zvinoita sekunge Trina anofunga kuti izvi zvichavabatsira kuzorora kupinda mukuyerera kwemutambo. Billie anovhunduka, zvinova zvakajairika kuita kana iyi isiri jam yako, uye hauna kugadzirira mutambo webonde. Devon anoedza kurova pana Billie (uye zvechokwadi anoisundira kure zvakanyanya, FTR). Ipapo Cooper anotuka Trina (achifungidzira kuti iye ari slut - akanaka mumwe, Cooper) uye anopinda mukurwa nechibhakera naDevon.

Rega ndibude pachena: Devon naTrina havasi ivo vaiita semapenzi, Billie naCooper vakaita semapenzi. Chiratidziro chinoedza kuita kuti Devon naTrina vataridzike sevasinganzwisisike ivo vari kunyatsoita chinhu chakajairika chinoitwa nevazhinji vakaroorana.

Sezvineiwo, Billie naCooper vaizove munzvimbo yakanaka, ine hutano muhukama hwavo mavaive vakavhurika kuti vaone kusangana pabonde nevamwe vanhu. Zvinotora kuvimba kwakanyanya uye miganhu kuenda kumabiko epabonde uye kusava nekunyungudika kwepamoyo - chiitiko chakakweretwa zvakanyanya icho chinoonekwa sechisinganzwisisike munharaunda. Izvi zvinogona kuve chiitiko chakanaka kana mamiriro emuchato wavo aive akasimba, uye kwete pamucheto wekudonha. Uku ndiko kukanganisa kunoitwa nevakawanda vakaroorana: Ivo vanofunga kuvhura hukama "kunogadzirisa" nyaya dzavo, apo pachokwadi, dzinogona (uye dzichava) dzinovasanganisa, pamwe zvichizotungamira pakurambana. (Ona: Ungaita Sei Kuti Uve Noutano Hwakanaka Hukama Hukama)

Chokwadi chokuti kutaura kwaCooper (pachikoro chevana vavo World Fair usiku, kwete zvishoma) pamusoro pokuti iye naBillie vakamira vakasimba uye vanodanana sei "kunofuridzira" Devon kuvhara ukama hwake naTrina kunoodza mwoyo, kwete chimwe chinhu chokupemberera. Kuita zvepabonde kwaTrina kuri kudziviswa nekuti iyi show uye vatambi vayo vakuru vari kukurudzira pfungwa yekuti murume nemukadzi "zviri nani" uye nzira iyo vanhu vane vana "vanofanira kunge vari."

Muchokwadi, asiri-murume mumwe anogona kushandira vakaroorana vane hukama hwakasimba, husina-hukama hukama uye hunhu vanoongorora nzira dzakasiyana dzekuongorora bonde kuitira kuti vachengetedze vanhu vaviri vagutsikane uye vazadzikiswe - asi zvakanyanya pane izvo sekondi.

Kuita sechidhoma hakusi kupa masimba pabonde. Zviri kungoita kunge dhongi.

Teerera, simba revasikana, vakadzi vachiwana yavo, kuita bonde kunoshamisa, kusvetuka kuseka-kunyadzisa - aya ndiwo madingindira andinogona kuseri zvachose. Asi isu hatigone kudaidza zvese zvinoitwa naBillie "kugonesa pabonde."

Anoratidza pamusuwo weimba yeaimbove wake (mushure mekudonha kupera kwekutamba kwemwana wake?!). Izwi remunyori (rinova Billie mushe show), iri kutaura mune yakapihwa simba, inofara mutauro nezve "kuzvida zvese" uye "kuzvida izvozvi." Anoratidza, magonhi ekusimudza akazaruka uye anoti: "Izvi hazvishanduki. Handisi kusiya murume wangu. Iye zvino, ndirove."

Mwaka unopera.

Izvo varatidziri (ini ndinofanira kutenda, NDINOFANIRA) kuburitsa ndezvekuti vakadzi VANOGONA kuva nazvo zvese - zana chairo, tichifunga nezvese ratidziro yese inotsanangura "rudo rwechokwadi" sekuroora mumwechete uye kuzvipira kwakakwana kune mumwe munhu. .

Kufungidzira kwangu? Season 2 ichave yaBillie naCooper vachivhura hukama hwavo. Zvakanaka, ini ndinovenga kutyora izvi kwauri - ndapota ruregerero iwo ese makapu nekuti ini ndakatsamwa kwazvo: IZVI HAZVI SEI KUNAKA KUSVIRA KUSANGANA KUSHANDA KUSHANDA.

Iwe hausi kuwana kungomhanya uye kubiridzira murume wako uye ipapo retroactively kuvhura hukama seimwe nzira ye "kuita kuti ishande." Hukama hwakavhurika hunogona chete kushanda uye kurarama kana vaviri vekutanga vadiwa vane zana muzana pabhodhi uye vachiida. Ivo vanogona kunge vakangonaka uye vachizadzisa sehukama hwemurume mumwe chete. Hukama hwega hwega hunoshanda zvakasiyana uye nenzira yahwo yega. Hapana hukama hwehukama hwakanakira chero humwe chero bedzi paine miganhu nekutaurirana. (Ona: 6 Zvinhu Zvevanhu Vemunhu Mumwe Vanogona Kudzidza Kubva Kuhukama Hwakavhurika)

Asi izvi ndizvo chaizvo zvinopesana chaizvo nezviri kuitika muchiratidziro ichi. Hapana chaanoita kuti achinje mamiriro ezvinhu mumba make. Mwedzi mishoma gare gare anoona kuti "code-switching," (aka apo vanhu vanochinja hunhu hwavo zvichienderana nevanhu, boka, kana shamwari) saiye - anopihwa simba - shamwari Sasha anozviisa. (Sasha munhu akaipa zvachose mune pabonde uye mune zvedzidzo, asi icho chinyorwa cherimwe zuva.) Pane kuenda kuna Cooper, kutsvaga kurapwa, kana kuedza kuita izvo zvakanaka ari ega nemumwe wake, Billie anosarudza kutora nzira iri nyore apo mumwe munhu haagutsikane pabonde: Kubiridzira.

Isu tinofanirwa kumisa kunyepedzera kuti vakadzi vanoita shitty zvinhu vanovaita "vakashata" nekuiputira mune sexy feminist packaging. Tinofanira kutarisa zviito pachavo. Uye munyaya iyi: Havana zvikuru. Anoita kunge dhongi. Ndine urombo, zvaifanira kutaurwa. Dai tikachinjanisa mabasa uye anga ari Cooper achimhanyira kuna Francesca (mukuru wake waakasimbisa manzwiro ebonde) kuti awane zvaaida, tinenge tichifunga: Anoyamwa! Handigoni kutenda kuti taimufarira!

Kutendeseka, hapana chakasara kutaura. Ngationei zvichaitika muSeason 2. Pamwe vachadzoka vogadzirisa zvachose dambudziko rinopisa remamiriro ezvinhu ... asi ini handioni izvozvo.

Uye kungo tora izvi pane zvinyorwa: Nezve iyo episode 3 chiitiko? Saizi haisi zvese.

Gigi Engle chiremba wepabonde anozivikanwa uye munyori weZvose Zvikanganiso: Gwara reBonde, Rudo uye Hupenyu. Mutevere pa Instagram uye Twitter pa @GigiEngle.

Ongororo ye