Kuita Kushamwaridzana Kunoita Kuti Vanhu Vafare?

Zvemukati

• Ongororo ye

Kune vazhinji vedu, iyo shungu yekuroora kumusoro yakasimba. Iyo inogona kutogadzirirwa muDNA medu. Asi rudo zvinoreva here kusambofambidzana kana kurara nevamwe vanhu?

Makore akati kuti apfuura, ndakasarudza kupikisa pfungwa yokuti nzira bedzi yokuva noukama hune rudo, yakazvipira kwaiva kuva nomudzimai mumwe. Ini nemukomana wangu wepanguva iyoyo takasarudza kuedza kushamwaridzana. Takanga takazvipira kune mumwe nemumwe, tichidaidzana semukomana nemusikana, uye tese taibvumidzwa kufambidzana uye kuve nehukama hwepanyama nevamwe vanhu. Isu takazoputsa (nekuda kwezvikonzero zvakasiyana siyana, mazhinji acho anga asina hukama nekuvhurika kwedu), asi kubvira ipapo ndakaramba ndichifarira kufunga nezvehukama - uye zvinoitika handisi ndega.

Nonmonoga-me-Yazvino Maitiro

Kufungidzira kunoratidza kuti kune mhuri dzinopfuura hafu yemiriyoni dziri pachena dze polyamorous muU.S., uye muna 2010, vanofungidzirwa kuti mamirioni masere vakaroorana vaiita imwe nzira yekusaroora. Kunyangwe pakati pevakaroora, hukama hwakavhurika hunogona kubudirira; zvimwe zvidzidzo zvinoratidza kuti zvakajairika mumichato yevanhurume.

Kune zvanhasi 20- uye 30-zvimwe, maitiro aya ane chirevo. Vanopfuura 40 muzana yemireniyamu vanofunga kuroora "kuve kusashanda" (zvichienzaniswa ne43 muzana yeGen Xers, 35 muzana yevacheche vana boomers, uye 32 muzana yevanhu vane makore makumi matanhatu nemashanu-pamwe). Uye vangangoita hafu yemamireniyoni vanoti vanoona shanduko muzvivakwa zvemhuri zvakanaka, zvichienzaniswa nekota chete yevakwegura vakapindura. Mune mamwe mazwi, monogamy-kunyangwe iri sarudzo inoshanda-haishande kune wese munhu.

Chokwadi zvaive zvisiri kundishandira. Zvipomere pahukama husina hutano muhudiki hwangu: Nechikonzero chero chipi zvacho, mupfungwa dzangu "mukadzi mumwe" anga asangana nehunhu, godo, uye claustrophobia - kwete chaizvo izvo munhu anoshuvira kubva murudo rusingaperi. Ini ndaida kuve nehanya nemumwe munhu ndisinganzwe kuva yavo, uye ndaida kuti mumwe munhu anzwe saizvozvo. Wedzera kune icho chokwadi chekuti ndakanga ndisina kuroora kwekanguva (mushure mekunge ndave muukama hwemurume mumwe kwenguva yakareba) uye-ini ndiri mukadzi zvakakwana kubvuma-ndakanga ndisati ndagadzirira kusiya rusununguko rwekutamba nevasingazivi. . Kupfuura izvozvo, ndakanga ndisina chokwadi nezvandaida, chaizvo, asi ndaiziva kuti ini ndaisada kunzwa kudzipwa nemumwe wangu. Saka pandakatanga kufambidzana...ngatimudanei kuti 'Bryce,' ndakagadzirira kuti ndisagumbuka, ndikagadzirisa kusazvibata kwangu, uye ndikataura nezvazvo: Wakambofunga nezvokuva neushamwari hwepedyo here?

Kuvhura hukama kunowanzo kuwira muzvikamu zviviri zvakajairika, anodaro Greatist Nyanzvi uye mupi wezano wezvepabonde Ian Kerner: Vakaroorana vanogona kutaurirana nezvehurongwa husingafungidzirwe senge hwandakaita naBryce, umo munhu wega wega ane rusununguko rwekufambidzana uye / kana kurara nevanhu vekunze. ukama. Kana vaviri vachasarudza kusvetuka, kuenda kunze kwehukama hwavo hwehukama seyuniti (kurara nevamwe vanhu pamwechete, sevatatu-kana-vamwe-vamwe). Asi mapoka aya akanaka mvura, uye anochinja zvichienderana nezvinodiwa nevakaroorana uye miganhu.

Monogamy = Monotony?-Nei Vakaroorana Vachienda Vakashata

Chinhu chinonyengera nezvehukama ivo vese vakasiyana, saka hapana "chikonzero chimwe" nei vanhu vachifunga kutsvaga dzimwe hukama hwehukama. Zvakadaro, kune hwakawanda hwakawanda hwedzidziso dzekuti nei murume mumwe achiratidza kusagutsa pasi rese. Dzimwe nyanzvi dzinoti ine midzi mune genetics: Inenge makumi masere muzana ematanda ane barika, uye fungidziro dzakafanana dzinoshanda kune vanhu vavhimi-vanounganidza nzanga. (Zvichakadaro, hazvibatsire kubatikana munharo ye "ndeyemusikirwo", anodaro Kerner: Kusiyana ndiko kwakasikwa, zvakanyanya kupfuura kuroora mumwechete kana kusava nemurume.)

Kumwe kutsvagurudza kunoratidza vanhu vakasiyana vane zvidikanwi zvakasiyana zvehukama hunogutsa. In Mukana weMonogamy, Eric Anderson anoti hukama hwakavhurika hunobvumidza vavakidzani kuzadzisa zvido zvavo pasina kukumbira zvinopfuura izvo mumwe chete anogona kupa. Panewo chikamu chetsika nemagariro: Nhamba dzekuvimbika dzinosiyana-siyana pakati petsika nemagariro, uye humbowo hunoratidza kuti nyika dzine mafungiro ekuregedzera pabonde dzinewo michato inogara kwenguva refu. Munyika dzeNordic, vazhinji vakaroora vanokurukura pachena "hukama hwakafanana" - kubva pazvinhu zvakakweverwa kusvika kumazororo - nevavanoroorana navo, asi roorano inoramba iri nzvimbo inoremekedzwa. Zvakare, zano rezvepabonde munyori Dan Savage anoti nonmonogamy inogona kungosvika pakubhowekana kwekare.

Muchidimbu, kune zvikonzero zvakawanda zvekusaita monogamous sezvo paine vanhu vasingafungiri-uye imomo mune chinetso. Kunyangwe vaviri vacho vakabvuma kuva vasingafungiri, zvikonzero zvavo zvekudaro zvinogona kunge zvichipesana. Mune yangu nyaya, ini ndaida kuve muhukama husingafungiri nekuti ndaida kupokana nekufungidzira kweruzhinji nezverudo; Bryce aida kuve muhukama husingafungiri nekuti ini ndaida kuve mune imwe, uye aida kuva neni. Zvichida hazvishamise, izvi zvakamutsa kupokana pakati pedu pandakatanga kuona vamwe vanhu. Pandakanga ndiri mushe Bryce paakasangana neshamwari yakawiriranwa, akatadza kushupa kufunga kwangu ndichiita zvakafanana. Izvi zvakazoita kuti pave nekugumbuka kumativi ese uye godo kwaari-uye kamwe kamwe ndakazviwana ndadzokera muukama hweclaustrophobic, ndichiitirana nharo nezvekuti ndiani aive waani.

Unofanira Kuisa Ring pairi? -Nzira Itsva

Hazvishamise kuti chikara chine maziso egirinhi idambudziko rakajairika kune vasina murume nemukadzi mubhodhi rose, zvisinei nekuti murume kana murume. Nzira yakanakisisa yekugadzirisa? Kutendeseka. Muzvidzidzo zvakawanda, kutaurirana kwakavhurika ndiyo yekutanga mutyairi wekugutsikana kwehukama (ichi ichokwadi mune chero hukama), uye yakanakisa kugadzirisa nzira yegodo. Kune vakaroorana vanopinda muzvisikwa, zvakakosha kuti vadyidzani vataure zvavanoda uye vagadzirise chibvumirano zvisati zvaitika.

Mukutarisa, ndaifanira kunge ndakatendeseka zvakanyanya kwandiri, uye ndikabvuma kuti (zvisinei nezvaakataura) Bryce aisada chaizvo kuve asiri murume mumwe; zvingadai zvakatiponesa isu vaviri mamwe marwadzo emoyo. Zviri nyore kukwezva kune nonmonogamy's sexier divi, asi zvinonyatsoda zvisingaite dzakakwirira nhanho dzekuvimba, kutaurirana, kuvhurika, uye kudyidzana newawakaroorana naye-zvichireva kuti kungofanana nemurume mumwe, hukama hwakavhurika hunogona kunetsa, uye ivo zvirokwazvo havasi kune wese munhu. Mune mamwe mazwi, nonmonogamy haisi iyo tikiti kunze kwehukama matambudziko, uye inogona kunge iri sosi yavo. Inogona zvakare kunakidza, kupa mubayiro, uye kujekesa.

Hazvinei hazvo nokuti chii, dzinodaro nyanzvi, kana vaviri vakasarudza kuva nomudzimai mumwe chete inofanira kuva nhau yechisarudzo. Anderson anoti, "Kana pasina chimiro chekusangana pabonde pachena," varume nevakadzi vachatanga kuva vakatendeseka pamusoro pezvavanoda… uye nemabatiro avanozviita. "

Kana ndiri ini, mazuva ano ndiri murume-mumwe kinda gal-iyo yandakadzidza nekuvhura.

Wakamboedza kuve muhukama hwakavhurika here? Iwe unotenda here kuti hukama hwakazvipira huri pakati pevanhu vaviri uye hapana mumwe munhu? Govera mune zvakataurwa pazasi, kana tweet munyori @LauraNewc.

Zvimwe pane Greatist:

6 Tricks Kuzorora muMaminitsi gumi kana Zvishoma

Kuekisesaiza Zvishoma, Kuderedza Uremu?

Ese MaCalori Akagadzirwa Akaenzana?

Ongororo ye