Hushamwari Husingafadzi Chaizvoizvo. Heano Maitiro Ekuziva Iwe Uri mune Mumwe

Zvemukati

• Takakurumidza kuva shamwari dzepamwoyo, uye kwese kwandakaenda, vaizviitawo.
• Zvainzwa sekunge kuvimbika kwangu kuri kuyedzwa uye ini ndakundikana.
• Pakutanga, ndakaramba ndichivaitira zvikonzero. Ndakanga ndichiri kunzwa kuva nebasa ravo.
• Kunyangwe kusiya mamiriro acho kungaita sekusina tariro, pane nzira dzekubuda uye nhanho dzakasiyana idzo munhu dzaanogona kutora kana achiedza kusiya hushamwari hunoshungurudza.
• Zvakanditorera nguva yakareba kuti ndinzwisise kuti zvandakanga ndichisangana nazvo kwaive kushungurudzwa.
• Hushamwari hunoshungurudza hwakaoma kufamba, kunyanya kana iwe usingaone zviratidzo zvekunyevera.

Iwe unofanirwa kunzwa wakachengeteka neshamwari dzako.

Pese panotaura vanhu nezvehukama husina kunaka munhau kana neshamwari dzavo, kazhinji kazhinji, vari kuratidza kudyidzana kana hukama hwemhuri.

Ndichiri munguva yakapfuura, ini ndakasangana nemhando mbiri dzekushungurudzwa, panguva ino zvanga zvakasiyana.

Uye kana ndichigona kuva akatendeseka, chaive chinhu chandisina kunyatsogadzirira pakutanga: Chaive mumaoko eimwe yeshamwari dzangu dzepamwoyo.

Ndinoyeuka nguva yekutanga yatakasangana, sezvazvaive zuro. Isu tanga tichichinjana maTweets ane hungwaru mumwe neumwe paTwitter, uye vakaratidza kuti vaifarira basa rangu rekunyora.

Maive muna 2011, uye muToronto, Twitter meetups (kana sezvavaigara vachinzi online "tweet-ups") vaive vakuru, saka handina kufunga zvakawanda nezvazvo. Ini ndanga ndanyatsodzika pasi kuti ndiite shamwari nyowani, saka takafunga kusangana nekofi rimwe zuva.

Patakasangana, zvaiita sekuenda pazuva rekutanga. Kana ikasashanda, hapana chakaipa, hapana chakaipa. Asi isu takabva tadzvanya ipapo ndokuva vakafuta sembavha - {textend} vachinwa mabhodhoro ewaini mupaki, tichigadzirirana, nekuenda kumakonzati pamwe chete.

Takakurumidza kuva shamwari dzepamwoyo, uye kwese kwandakaenda, vaizviitawo.

Pakutanga, hukama hwedu hwaive hwakanaka kwazvo. Ini ndawana munhu wandainzwa kugadzikana naye, uye akabatsira kumativi ese ehupenyu hwangu nenzira ine chinangwa.

Asi kana isu tangotanga kugovana zvakanyanya kudzivirirwa zvikamu zvedu, zvinhu zvakachinja.

Ini ndakatanga kucherechedza kuti kangani kavaive vakamonerwa mukutenderera kwemutambo nevanhu munharaunda medu takagovana. Pakutanga, ndakairamba. Asi zvaiita sekunge mutambo uyu waititevera kwese kwataienda, uye apo ini pandakaedza kuvepo kwavari nekuvatsigira, zvakatanga kutora hutano pahutano hwangu hwepfungwa.

Mamwe masikati pataienda kune imwe Starbucks yemuno, vakatanga kuseka shamwari yepedyo, vachiedza kundikurudzira kuti "vaive vakaipisisa." Asi pandakatsimbirira kuti ndiwane ruzivo, ivo vakataura kuti vaingo "gumbura" uye "kuyedza-zvakaoma."

Ndakanetseka, ndakavatsanangurira kuti ini handina kunzwa nenzira iyoyo - {textend} uye ndikapotsa ndagumbuka, ivo vakanditenderedza maziso avo kwandiri.

Zvainzwa sekunge kuvimbika kwangu kuri kuyedzwa uye ini ndakundikana.

Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, chiremba wezvepfungwa uye nyanzvi mune hutano hwepfungwa akagovana mubvunzurudzo neRefinery 29, kuti "Vavhenekeri veGesi makuhwa anotyisa."

Sezvo hukama hwedu hwakatanga kufambira mberi, ini ndakakurumidza kutanga kuona izvi ichokwadi.

Mwedzi wega wega uye wega wega, boka redu reshamwari raiungana pamwe nekubatana pamusoro pechikafu chinonaka. Taigona kuenda kumaresitorendi akasiyana, kana kubikirana. Pahusiku uhwu huri kutaurwa, boka revashanu vedu takananga kuresitorendi inozivikanwa yeChinese mutaundi rinozivikanwa nemadhongi.

Pataive tichiseka nekugovana maplate, shamwari iyi yakatanga kutsanangurira boka - {textend} zvakanyatsorondedzerwa - {textend} zvinhu zvandaive ndakagovana navo nezveaimbove mumwe wangu muchivimbo.

Kunyange vanhu vaiziva kuti ndakambodanana nemunhu uyu, ivo vaisaziva ruzivo rwehukama hwedu, uye ini ndakanga ndisina kugadzirira kugovana. Ini zvechokwadi ndaisatarisira kuti vangazodururwa kune vamwe vese veboka musi iwoyo.

Handina kunyara chete - {textend} Ndakanzwa kutengeswa.

Zvakandiita kuti ndizvidye mwoyo uye zvakandisiya ndichizvibvunza kuti, “Ari kuti chii munhu uyu nezvangu ndisipo? Vamwe vanhu vaizivei nezvangu? ”

Vakazondiudza chikonzero chakaita kuti vagovane iyo nyaya yaive yekuti shamwari yedu yatainge tava kutaura naye ... asi havaigona here kutanga vakumbira mvumo yangu?

Pakutanga, ndakaramba ndichivaitira zvikonzero. Ndakanga ndichiri kunzwa kuva nebasa ravo.

Ndakanga ndisingazive kuti izvo zvaiitika kwaive kujekesa gasi kana kushungurudzwa mupfungwa.

Sekureva muna2013, vechidiki nemadzimai vari pakati pemakore makumi maviri nemakumi matatu nemashanu ndivo vanowanzo kuve varikushungurudzwa. Izvi zvinogona kusanganisira zvese kubva pakurohwa nemuromo, kutonga, kutonga, kuzviparadzanisa, kuseka, kana kushandiswa kweruzivo rwepedyo kudzikisira.

Kazhinji kazhinji kwete, zvinogona kuitika neavo isu tiri muhukama hwepedyo navo kusanganisira hushamwari.

Zviverengero zvakaratidza kuti kune vasere muzana yevanhu vanoona kutukwa kana kurohwa, anoshusha anowanzove shamwari yepedyo.

Dzimwe nguva zviratidzo zvinojeka sezuva - {textend} uye dzimwe nguva ungangonzwa kunge urikugadzirisa mamiriro ako mumusoro wako.

Sezvo makakatanwa pakati peshamwari dzimwe nguva achigona kuve akakwirira, kazhinji nguva dzatinogona kunzwa sekunge kushungurudzwa hakusi kwechokwadi.

Dr. Fran Walfish, mhuri uye hukama psychotherapist muBeverly Hills, California, anogovera mashoma zviratidzo:

• Shamwari yako inokunyepera. “Kana ukavabata vachiwanza kukunyepera, idambudziko. Hukama hwakanaka hunobva pakuvimba, ”anotsanangura kudaro Walfish.
• Shamwari yako inogara ichikupfumisa kana kuti isingakusanganisi. “Ukatarisana navo, vanozvidzivirira kana kunongedza chigunwe vachiti imhosva yako. Zvibvunze kuti nei vasina mari nazvo? ”
• Vanokumanikidza nezvipo zvikuru, semari, uyezve kukuisa pfumo iwe mukufunga kuti yaive "chipo" kwavari kwete chikwereti.
• Shamwari yako inokupa runyararo, kana kukuita kuti unzwe zvakashata nekukutsoropodza. Iyi ndiyo nzira yeanobhinya kudzora simba rine simba, Walfish anotsanangura. "Iwe haudi kuve muhukama hwepedyo uko iwe paunonzwa sewakadzikiswa kana kushomeka pane mumwe munhu."
• Shamwari yako hairemekedze miganhu yako kana nguva.

Kunyangwe kusiya mamiriro acho kungaita sekusina tariro, pane nzira dzekubuda uye nhanho dzakasiyana idzo munhu dzaanogona kutora kana achiedza kusiya hushamwari hunoshungurudza.

Nepo kutaurirana pachena kwakawanzove mutemo wakanakisa, Dr. Walfish vanotenda kuti zvakanakisa kuti usatarisana neanokushungurudza uye ubve wakanyarara.

“Zvakafanana nekuzvimisikidza. Ivo vangango kupomera iwe, saka zvirinani kuva [kuva] nenyasha. Vanhu ava havabate kurambwa zvakanaka, ”anotsanangura.

Dr. Gail Saltz, purofesa wezvekurwara nepfungwa paNY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell Chikoro chemishonga uye chiremba wepfungwa anogoverana naHealthline: akapinda muushamwari uhwu akahuregerera pakutanga kuti arege kudzokerazve pahwo kana kupinda mune humwe hutsinye. ”

Dr. Saltz zvakare vanokurudzira kuti iwe ujekese kune vamwe kusanganisira shamwari uye nhengo dzemhuri kuti hauchazove uri padyo nemumwe munhu zvakare.

"Udza shamwari dzepedyo kana mhuri zviri kuitika uye varege vakubatsire kuti ugare wakaparadzana," anodaro.

Iye zvakare anofunga kuti kuchenjera kushandura chero mapassword angave anozivikanwa nemunhu uyu, kana nzira dzekuwana dzavanadzo kumba kwako kana kubasa.

Kunyangwe pakutanga zvingangonzwa kuoma kusiya, uye kana uchinge waita, sekunge uri kuchema kurasikirwa, Dr. Walfish anotenda kuti unenge uchingoshaya shamwari yawaifunga iwe yauinayo.

"Wobva watora pachako, vhura maziso ako, uye tanga kusarudza mumwe munhu munhu wekuvimba naye nemanzwiro ako," anodaro. "Manzwiro ako akakosha uye unofanirwa kuve nesarudzo pamusoro pekuti ndiani waunovimba naye."

Zvakanditorera nguva yakareba kuti ndinzwisise kuti zvandakanga ndichisangana nazvo kwaive kushungurudzwa.

Vanhu vane chepfu vane nzira inosetsa yekunyorazve rondedzero kuitira kuti igare ichiita kunge imhosva yako.

Pane imwe nguva pandakaona kuti zvaive zvichiitika, zvakaita senge gomba mudumbu mangu.

"Mune hushamwari hunoshungurudza, mumwe anowanzo sara achinzwa zvakashata," akadaro Dr. Saltz, izvo zvaanotarisa zvinotungamira mukunzwa mhosva, kunyara, kana kushushikana, kunyanya kana vachiedza kusiya mamiriro acho.

Clinical psychologist uye munyori Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, mubvunzurudzo neWomen Health, akataura kuti vanhu vanowanzoona kuwedzera kwe "kushushikana, kutemwa nemusoro, kana kushungurudzika mudumbu," pavanenge vachiedza kusiya hushamwari hwavo hune chepfu.

Izvi zvaive zvechokwadi kwandiri.

Ndakazotanga kuona murapi kuitira kuti ndiwane simba neushingi hwekuenderera mberi.

Pandakasangana nemurapi wangu ndikamutsanangurira zvimwe zvezviito zvangu apo pandakaedza kubuda muhushamwari uhwu, uhwo vamwe vangangoona husingagamuchirike uye pamwe, hunyengeri, akanditsanangurira kuti yakanga isiri mhosva yangu.

Pakupera kwezuva, handina kukumbira kushungurudzwa nemunhu uyu - {textend} uye sekuyedza kwavangayedze kuishandisa kwandiri, zvaive zvisinga gamuchirwe.

Akaenderera mberi achinditsanangurira kuti zviito zvangu zvainzwisisika kuita kwekukonzereswa - {textend} kunyangwe zvisingaite, maitiro iwayo aizozoshandiswa kuzorwa neni kana ushamwari hwedu hwapera, zvichindishandurudza dzimwe shamwari dzepedyo.

Hushamwari hunoshungurudza hwakaoma kufamba, kunyanya kana iwe usingaone zviratidzo zvekunyevera.

Ichi ndicho chikonzero zvakakosha kuti titaure pachena nezvazvo.

Kutsvaga nekukurumidza, uye iwe uchaona vanhu vachitendeukira kumasayiti senge Reddit kuti vabvunze mibvunzo yakaita, "Pane chinhu chakadai senge hushamwari hunoshungurudza?" kana "Kupfuura sei hushamwari hunoshungurudza?"

Nekuti sezvazviri, pane zvishoma zvishoma ipapo kubatsira vanhu.

Ehe, shamwari dzinoshusha chinhu. Uye hongu, unogona kuporesa kubva kwavari, futi.

Hushamwari husina kunaka hausi mutambo chete - {textend} ndihwo hupenyu chaihwo, uye hunogona kuve hunonyengera hwekushungurudzika.

Iwe unofanirwa kukodzera, hukama hunogutsa husingakusiye uchinzwa kutya, kunetseka, kana kutyorwa. Uye kusiya hushamwari hunoshungurudza, nepo kuchirwadza, kunogona kukupa simba pakupedzisira - {textend} uye kwakakosha kune hutano hwako hwepfungwa uye hwepamoyo.

Amanda (Ama) Scriver mutori wenhau anoshanda akazvimiririra anozivikanwa nekuve mukobvu, ane ruzha uye anodanidzira pa internet. Izvo zvinhu zvinomuunzira mufaro ishingi miromo, chaiyo terevhizheni, uye mbatatisi machipisi. Basa rake rekunyora rakaonekwa paLeafly, Buzzfeed, The Washington Post, FLARE, The Walrus, uye Allure. Anogara kuToronto, Canada. Unogona kumutevera iye Twitter kana Instagram.