Kufambira Pamwe Chete Kunokanganisa Hukama Hwako Here?

Zvemukati

• Ongororo ye

Tisati taroora, ini nemurume wangu takasaina izvo zvaiita senge pre-yemuchato boka rerapa musangano - musangano wezuva rose pane zvakavanzika zvemubatanidzwa unofara, uzere nemakakatanwa-manejimendi manejimendi uye matipi ezvepabonde. Ndainzwa semudzidzi wenyeredzi muimba - shure kwezvose, ndaiva mupepeti wepabonde -kusvikira mudzidzisi wedu atanga kubvisa njodzi dzekugara pamwe chete asati ataura "Ndinodaro." Umbowo hwake: zvidzidzo zvemakumi emakore mashoma zvinoratidza kuti vakaroorana vakagarisana vasati varoorana vangangorambana. Ndakadongorera mumba umu nehuchenjeri ndichifunga kuti ndichaona vamwe vanhu vachiratidza kuti ndine mhosva yandaiziva kuti yakanga yazara kumeso kwangu.

Ini nemurume wangu takagara tese mwedzi mitatu chete tisati tarova. Uye, kana iwe ukataura nevasayendisiti vanoongorora kugara pamwe chete, takazviita nekuda kwezvikonzero zvisiri izvo: Ini ndanga ndaneta nekutyaira maminetsi makumi maviri kunzvimbo yake, imba yangu yemafurati yanga iine mbichana, uye ndaizochengetedza madhora anosvika chiuru pamwedzi . Mune mamwe mazwi, hatina kuzviita nekuti hatina kukwanisa kutsungirira kuparadzaniswa kwemamwe mazuva makumi mapfumbamwe.

Zvataive takuenda isu: Isu tanga tavimbisana. Isu tanga tisingagovani kero senzira yekuyedza hukama hwedu-zvinova, sekutaura kwaScott Stanley, Ph.D., co-director weYunivhesiti yeDenver's Center yeMarital uye Mhuri Zvidzidzo-zvakanyanya chikonzero chakaipisisa kumusoro. “Chikonzero [chokugara pamwe chete] chakanyanya kukosha,” anosimbisa kudaro. Mune ongororo ya2009, timu yake yakaona kuti vanhu vakagara pamwe chete se "muchato wekuyedza" vaiwanzova nekutaurirana kwakashata, nhanho dzakaderera dzekuzvipira, uye kusavimba kwakanyanya musimba rechisungo chavo.

Imwe inonamira nzvimbo: Paunopinda pamwe chete - uye hausati watova munzira yekuroora - iwe uri panguva imwe chete uchifunga kuti ndiani anofanirwa kuchenesa zvimbuzi uye nzira yekugovanisa rendi, uku uchifungawo kana uri kwenguva refu, anodaro Stanley. Pachivanhu, vakaroorana havafanirwe kukamura mabasa epamba kudzamara varova-asi mune ino kesi, urikufamba nezvipingamupinyi zviviri zvakakomba panguva imwe chete, pasina kuvimbiswa kweringi pamunwe wako.

Kana kugara pamwe chete kusingafadze sekutarisirwa, mhinduro iri pachena ndeye kungoputsa. Dambudziko nderekuti, izvo zvakaoma kuita. "Vanhu vazhinji vanodavira kuti kugara pamwe chete kare kunogona kusimbisa muchato," anodaro Anita Jose, Ph.D., chiremba wezvepfungwa muMontefiore Medical Center. "Zvisinei, kugara pamwe chete zvinoreva kuti vanhu vanotanga kugoverana mhuka dzinovaraidza, mogeji, makambani, nezvimwe zvinhu zvinoita kuti zvive zvakaoma kupedza hukama hunogona kunge hwakapera neimwe nzira."

Izvo zvese-zvakajairika mhedzisiro? Vaviri vasina mufaro vanoramba vari pasi pedenga rimwe-uye pakupedzisira, vanogona kutoroora, chete nekuti zvinoita sechinhu chakakodzera kuita mushure memakore mashanu ekugara pamwe chete. Stanley ane zita rechinoitika ichi: "kutsvedza kupesana nekufunga."

Zvisinei nezvakawanikwa izvi zvinotyisa, pane kumwe kutsvagurudza kuchangobva kuitika kunoratidza kuti kugara pamwe chete hakuna kuipa-kuti vamwe vanogarisana vanobatana zvakanaka sevaya vasina mubhedha mumwe chete kusvikira vazoti, "Ndinodaro." Chidzidzo cheAustralia, chakaburitswa mu Zvinyorwa zveKuroora neMhuri, akatoona kuti kugara pamwe chete musati maroorana kunoderedza njodzi yekuparadzana. Imwe tsananguro: Kana ruzhinji rwevasina kuroora / kuroora munyika vanosarudza kugara pamwe chete, zvinokanganisa zvinogona kutanga kupera. "Nharo ndeyekuti kugara pamwe chete kungadai kusiri kuve nenjodzi dai kwaigara kuchigamuchirwa - kuti hakusi kugara pamwe chete kunokanganisa vakaroorana. Ndicho chimiro chekugara pamwe chete. Vanhu vanovatarisira pasi," anodaro Stanley.

Izvo zvakati, iye achiri kufunga izvo zvinetswa zvine chekuita nekugara pamwe-kana kushomeka kwazvo-bika kusvika pakuzvipira. “Kugarisana hapana chaunokuudza pamusoro pekuzvipira kwakaita vaviri ava,” anodaro. "Asi kana vakaroorana kana kuronga ramangwana-hazvifaniri kuva muchato-izvo zvinokuudza toni nezvevakaroorana." Nemamwe mashoko, kana makatofunga nezveramangwana renyu pamwe chete, kutamira pamwe chete hakuzokuvadzi mikana yenyu yeroorano inobudirira. Zvidzidzo zvinogara zvichiratidza kuti vaviri vakaroorana vanogara pamwe chete vanowana mabhenefiti akafanana-kugutsikana, kuzvipira, kunetsana kushoma-sevanhu vanomirira kusvika muchato vapinde.

Saka ungaita sei kuti uve nechokwadi chekuti iwe ndemumwe wevako vanogara pamwe vanoguma vaine mufaro wakasungwa? “Inopfuura 50 muzana yevakaroorana vanotama havatauri zvazvinoreva,” anodaro Stanley. "Muri pamwe chete husiku huna pavhiki, ipapo hushanu, uye muchisiya dzimwe mbatya, bhurashi remazino, iPhone charger. Ipapo kurojesa kwemumwe munhu kwasimuka uye kamwe kamwe munogara pamwe chete. Hapana hurukuro, hapana sarudzo." Nei izvi zvine njodzi: Unogona kuva netarisiro dzakasiyana zvachose, dzinogona kukumisikidza kuora mwoyo, anodaro Jose. Usati wasaina chibvumirano, taura pachena zvaunofunga kuti kutama kunoreva: Unoona izvi senhanho yekuenda kuatari-kana kungoita nzira yekuchengetedza mari? Ipapo kumbira murume wako kuti aite zvakafanana. Kana uine maonero akasiyana zvachose, fungazve kugovera kero, anodaro Stanley. Uye usati watorera, sarudza kuti ndiani anoita mabasa epamba uye kuti uchaita sei zvako zvaunosungirwa nemari, anodaro Stanley. Iyo nguva yakaoma apo weta anounza cheki yako? ("Ndinobhadhara hafu here?") Uchaona izvozvo kagumi apo bhiri rekutanga remagetsi rinosvika-uye iwe hausati watosarudza kuti ndiani ari kubhadhara chii.

Kana ndiri ini-aimbova wekugara pamwe naye akaita zvinhu nepakati zvisizvo, nehafu kurudyi, mumaziso evanyanzvi? Gore rimwe namazuva 112 muroorano (hungu, ndiri kuverenga), ndinogona kushuma nomufaro kuti murume wangu neni hatina kuva mumwe wezviverengero zvatakanyeverwa pamusoro pazvo mukirasi yedu yapamberi peroorano. Takapona, uye kunyangwe zvirinani, takabudirira. Kutaura zvazviri, pashure pehoneymoon, ndakaona kuti taingokwanisa kunakidzwa newanano yedu itsva, pasina kufunga kuti raiva basa raani rokuchera bhokisi (rake, BTW). Iwo makink ehupenyu hwedu hwehukama akange atogadziriswa kare, izvo zvakatisiya isu chete kuti tinakirwe nemuchato wedu mufaro.

Ongororo ye