Maitiro Ekuita Nekushanduka Kwemamiriro eHushamwari Hwako

Zvemukati

• Chii chinonzi "ushamwari curve"?
• Manzwiro Anoita Kurasikirwa Neushamwari
• Nzira Yokukudziridza Nayo Shamwari Dzatove Nadzo
• Ongororo ye

Rangarira zviya zvishongo zvehushamwari zvidiki zvamakatsinhanisa neBFF yako mugiredhi rechikoro-zvichida mahafu maviri emoyo anoverenga "Best" uye "Shamwari," kana yin-yang pendants inokodzera pamwe zvakakwana? Panguva iyoyo, zvimwe hauna kumbofungidzira kuti rimwe zuva waizokukurwa kana kuti makore 20 uchidzika nomugwagwa, munenge musisina upenyu hwomumwe nomumwe zvachose.

Chii chinonzi "ushamwari curve"?

Chokwadi: Hushamwari hunopera uye hunoyerera mukati mehupenyu hwako hwese. Izvi ndizvo zvinodaidzwa nenyanzvi kuti hushamwari curve. Kunyange chimiro chaicho cheiyi curve chingaite senge chakasiyana kune wese munhu (fungidzira mutsetse girafu kuronga ushamwari hwako nekufamba kwenguva), pane tsvagiridzo yekuratidza kuti hushamwari hwese hunowanzo kufamba kuburikidza neshanduko. Kutaura zvazviri, kumwe kuongorora kunoratidza kuti vanhu vanotsiva hafu yeshamwari dzavo dzepedyo makore manomwe oga oga, zvinonzwika sehasha, asi paunomira kuti ufunge kuti upenyu hungani hunochinja nematanho awapfuura nawo mumakore gumi apfuura chete, zvinotanga kuita. pfungwa. (Zvakafanana: 'Marasiro Andakaita, & Ndawana, Shamwari Yangu Yepamoyo')

Nditore somuenzaniso: Mumakore gumi apfuura, ndakapedza kudzidza kukoreji, ndakatama katatu, ndakaroora, ndakashandira makambani matatu akasiyana, uye ndakatanga bhizimisi rangu. Dzese dzakachinja hupenyu hupenyu zvine hushamwari kuhukama hwangu zvakare - uye zvakajairika zvisinei nekuti nzira yeupenyu hwako, anodaro Shasta Nelson, nyanzvi yeushamwari uye munyori webhuku. Ushamwari.

Tichifunga nezve shanduko idzi dzese, zvinonzwisisika kuti dzimwe shamwari dzichange dziri pamwe pakukwidza, kunyangwe kumadhigirii akasiyana, nepo vamwe vachigona kudonha seshamwari zvachose. Funga nezvazvo: Paunenge uchienda kuchikoro, kunyangwe iri pre-K kana koreji, urikushandisa yakawanda nguva nevezera rako, uye izvo zvinoenderana nekukura kukuru kweshamwari, anodaro Nelson. (Izvo zvakafanana ndezvechokwadi chebasa sezvo uri kupedza nguva yakawanda nevaunoshanda navo.) Chidzidzo che2018 kubva kuYunivhesiti yeKansas iyo yakaongorora ushamwari hwepedyo hunoratidza kuti zvinotora pakati pe40-60 maawa anopedzwa pamwe chete kuti uite hukama husina hanya nemumwe munhu; 80-100 maawa kuchinjika kunodana mumwe shamwari; uye anopfuura maawa mazana maviri anoshandiswa pamwechete kuti vave shamwari "dzakanaka". Iyo inguva yakawanda.

Saka chii chinoitika kana iwe ukafamba panyama kure neshamwari dzako dzepamoyo, uye iwe usiri kupinda muiyo yakatarisana neQT kazhinji? Hushamwari hwako navo hwakarembera kuti iwe unogona here kuramba uchiisa maawa akakwana kuti urambe uchizivana padanho rakadzika kudaro, anodaro Nelson. Wakatodyara nguva yakawandisa muhushamwari uhu huripo, unogona kufunga kuti vanogona kungomhanya paopota, asi vachiri kufanira kutarisirwa, anodaro Nelson. Iyo nyaya yekuchengetedza yakawanda kubatana (kuburikidza nekufona, rwendo rwevasikana, kana kungo tarisa-mune zvinyorwa) sezvaunogona. Izvi hazvirevi kuti haufaniri kupedza nguva uchigadzira ushamwari hutsva-izvo zvakakosha zvikuru, zvakare-asi kupa nguva kune ushamwari hwako huripo hunova chinhu chikuru kana iwe usingakwanisi kuva pamwe chete. (FYI: Heano maitiro ekuporesa ushamwari hwakaputsika.)

Muchokwadi, nguva ndechimwe chezvikonzero zvekuti, paunenge uchikwegura, unogona kuzviwana uchitsvaga mari mune hushamwari hwepedyo hushoma pane hushamwari hwakawanda - hunhu pamusoro pehuwandu, kana uchida. “Kana uine boka reukama husingambonzwi ‘zvakadzama zvakakwana,’ uye usingaiti basa rokungwarira rokusimbisa ukama hwacho hwakadzama, unoguma warasikirwa nahwo,” anodaro Nelson. Uye mhoro, ngatitarisana nazvo: Nguva yako inotonyanya kukosha sezvo hupenyu hwako hunofambira mberi nehurongwa hwakabatikana, basa, hukama, uye pamwe vana vachichemera kuti utariswe - saka unoda kuve nechokwadi kuti uri kutungamira nguva shoma yaunayo pazvinhu. izvo zvinotungamira kugutsikano huru.

Manzwiro Anoita Kurasikirwa Neushamwari

Kunyangwe uchiziva kuti hushamwari hunogona uye huchachinja nekuguma, izvo hazviite kuti zvive nyore kubata nazvo kana izvo zvinhu zvikaitika. Kufamba kwoushamwari hwenyu kunogona kuita kuti unzwe uchifunganya, kutya, kusuruvara, kusurukirwa, uye kunyange kuora mwoyo, anodaro Erica J. Lubetkin, L.M.H.C., chiremba wepfungwa muNew York City. "Izvi ndezvechokwadi kunyanya kune vanhu vane hushamwari hwepakati kana husingawirirani vari vana vadiki," anodaro. "Chiitiko [cheushamwari hunoparara kana kurasika] chinosundira mabhatani ekusachengeteka uye kutya kurasikirwa nekusingaperi." Manzwiro aya anogona kuwedzera kana imwe shamwari ikaedza kuita kuti kudanana kwacho kurambe kwakasimba asi ichifunga kuti mumwe wacho ari kuhurega.

Nekudaro, pane zano rinonzi "radical kugamuchirwa" rinogona kubatsira, anodaro Lubetkin. Ichi chiito chekubvuma kuti kurasikirwa kweshamwari chiitiko chakajairika chevanhu paunenge uchikura, uye kupemberera kuvandudzwa kweshamwari nyowani nevanhu vanogovana tsika dzako uye zvaunofarira izvozvi, anotsanangura. (Yakabatana: 4 Zvese-Zvakanyanya Chaizvo Zvikonzero Shamwari Dzinorambana Uye Maitiro Ekuita)

Saka kunyange zvazvo usingafaniri kuzvimanikidza kuti ufare nezvoushamwari hwakapera kana kuti hwava kure, unogona kuwana nzira dzokugonana nadzo uye kuwana rugare. "Kubvuma hazvirevi kubvumirana," anodaro Lubetkin. "Tose tinonzwa kurwadziwa muupenyu, asi tinogona kudzivisa kutambura. Inogona kuva nguva yekubatana nechiitiko nenzira itsva, ine utano."

Kuti uite izvi IRL, edza kuongorora zvakapihwa hushamwari hwako hwekare, uye fara zvaunogona kudzidza kubva kuhukama kuti ukure uve munhu kwaye shamwari iri nani mune ramangwana. Nguva yekuchinja inogona kuva yakaoma, asi zvakakosha kuyeuka kuti unokwanisa kukudziridza ushamwari hune chinangwa muupenyu hwako hwose, anodaro Lubetkin. Sezvo hupenyu hwako pahunochinja, saizvozvo newewo tsika dzako pane zvaunoda uye zvaunoda muhukama hwako. Kana iwe uchizviona saizvozvo, inova chipo kukwanisa kuenda mberi uye kutanga kukudziridza hutsva, hushamwari hune chinangwa apo iwe uchikura, anowedzera.

Nzira Yokukudziridza Nayo Shamwari Dzatove Nadzo

Paunenge uchienderera mberi kubva pahukama hwepedyo i100 OK, zvakajairika kuti ude kuramba uchikura (kana kumutsidzira) hushamwari hwawakatotanga. (Mushure mezvose, hukama hweBFF hunosimudzira hutano hwako munzira dzakawanda.)

Pane zvikamu zvitatu kuhukama hwakanaka zvinoita kuti unzwe wakasungwa nekuvimba, anodaro Nelson. Yekutanga ndeyekuenderana nenguva inopedzwa pamwe chete: "Paunoisa maawa akawanda, iwe unowedzera kunzwa sekunge mune ramangwana pamwechete," anodaro. Yechipiri ndeye Positivity: Unofanirwa kufara pamwe chete usingatyi kutongwa uye unzwe kugamuchirwa kuburikidza nekubvuma kwakasununguka. Chikamu chechitatu kushomeka kana nguva idzo paunonzwa kunge unogona kuratidza shamwari yako zvauri chaizvo kana zvauri kufunga usingatyi kutongwa kana daro.

"Chero hushamwari hwawakambove nahwo hwakavakirwa pazvinhu zvitatu izvi, uye hukama hwese husina kudzika sezvaunoda [kuti huve] hunoreva kuti chimwe chezvinhu zvacho chinoshaikwa," anotsanangura kudaro Nelson.

Iti urikunzwa kurerutswa kubva kushamwari shoma dzawaimbova pedyo nadzo (munyaya yangu, varoora vaviri kubva kumuchato wangu). Usati waikochekera kusvika pakukukurwa kana kungoedza kutsiva shamwari idzodzo nevanhu vatsva, zvibvunze kuti ndechipi chezvinhu zvitatu izvi chinogona kukanganisa hukama hwako, anodaro Nelson.

Kana uri kushaya consistency...Edza kuronga kufona kwevhiki nevhiki kana kuti pamwedzi kuti muzivane zvakare. Zvipire pakuenderana, kana kujoinha chimwe chinhu chagara chichienderana. (Apa ndipo panouya ese mazano echeesy ekuti ungaita sei shamwari semunhu mukuru anouya, asi dzidziso iri shure kwayo ndeyechokwadi: Kana iwe uri chikamu chechimwe chinhu chiri kutoitika nguva zhinji, seboka renharaunda kana timu yemitambo, zvinotora basa rekuronga kudyidzana uri wega.)

Kana iwe uchishaya ruzivo ...Kukanganisa kukuru kwaungaite nekuvaka nekuchengetedza ushamwari kuverenga pakati pemitsara zvakanyanya (inosimudza ruoko). "Kunofira ushamwari hwedu hwakawanda ndekwekuti tinozvitora isu pachezvake [kuti mumwe munhu wacho haasi kukoka," anodaro Nelson. "Tinotanga kutya kuti havatidi sezvatinoda ivo-asi chokwadi ndechekuti vanhu vazhinji havana kunaka pakutanga, uye vanhu vazhinji havazivi kukosha kwekuenderana." Hapana mubvunzo kuti zvinogumbura (uye zvinonetesa) kuva shamwari inogara ichiedza kuita zvirongwa, asi ziva kuti paunonyanya kuzviita, hushamwari uye hukama hwacho hunosimba-sekureba sekuramba vachiti hongu. Nekufamba kwenguva, mubvunzo haufanire kunge uri iwo akautanga, asi kana imi mese muchiwana nguva yenyu pamwe chete zvine chinangwa, anodaro Nelson.

Unogona kufungidzira kuti kuenderana kwehukama ndiko kwakanyanya kuomarara, asi Nelson anoti vanhu vazhinji vanonetseka nehukama zvakanyanya. Zvinhu zvakadai sekupa rairo isina kukumbirwa pane kungoteerera uye kuve uripo kune mumwe munhu, pamwe nekukanganiswa nefoni yako, zvinogona kupinda munzira yeaya mavhiri akanaka, anodaro. (Cherechedzo kwauri: Kuti uve shamwari iri nani, nyatsoteerera ... uye nyora pasi foni yako, zvakakomba.)

Kana iwe uchishaya chinetso ...chinhu ichi chinotora nguva kugadzira. "Chinangwa hachisi chekungove panjodzi uye kuudza mumwe munhu zvese, asi kuzviita nekuwedzera, uye kuda kuziva nezvemumwe nemumwe." (Zvakafanana: Zvazvinoita Kukwira 2,000+ Miles neShamwari Yako Yepamoyo)

Kana uri kunetseka nekuchinja kweushamwari iye zvino kana kunzwa uchinetseka nemaitiro ekutanga ushamwari hutsva, iva nekutenda uchiziva kuti hausi wega. Paunotarisa kushomeka kwehukama seimwe mukana wekusimudzira hukama ihwohwo kuhutano kana kukudziridza hukama hutsva huchave hune chinangwa, unogona kukwira pamusoro pehunhu hwekunzwa.

Ongororo ye