Maitiro Ekutaurirana neWako Waunofambidzana Nezako Zvepabonde Zvekare

Zvemukati

• Nei Zvakaoma Kutaura Nezvebonde?
• Ungaita Sei Kukurukurirana Kweakadai Anonzwisisa Hunhu
• Panguva Ipi Muhukama Unofanira Kuunza Izvo?
• Matauriro Azvo Nenzira Inosimbisa Bond Yako
• Kana Ikatanga Kuenda Zasi ...
• Ongorora: Haufanire Kugovana Zvese
• Ongororo ye

Kutaura nezve nhoroondo yako yepabonde hakuwanzo kufamba mupaki. Kutaura chokwadi, zvinogona kutyisa AF.

Zvichida yako inonzi "nhamba" yakati rebei "kumusoro," pamwe iwe wakave uine mashoma matatu, wakambove nemumwe murume wepabonde imwechete, kana uri muBDSM. Kana, pamwe unonetsekana nekushayikwa kwehutano hwepabonde, chirwere chepabonde chakapfuura, kubata pamuviri, kana kubvisa nhumbu kwawakaita makore mashoma apfuura. Yako nhoroondo yebonde ndeyekupedzisira-pachezvako uye kazhinji inouya yakatetepa mumanzwiro. Zvisinei neruzivo rwako, inyaya inobaya mwoyo. Paunosvika pasi pemabhonzo acho, iwe unoda kunzwa kugoneswa, kuva neako pabonde, uye kuve mukadzi akura-wembongoro asinganyare nezve chero sarudzo dzake ... asi iwe unodawo munhu wauinaye kukuremekedza nekukunzwisisa. Iwe unoziva kuti munhu akakodzera haakutongi kana kuita hutsinye, asi hazviiti kuti ivo simba chero zvishoma zvinotyisa.

Chinhu chacho ndechekuti, iwe ungazofanira kuve neiyi hurukuro pakupedzisira — uye haifanire kubuda zvakaipa. Heano maitiro ekutaura nemumwe wako nezve yako yepabonde yapfuura nenzira yakanaka uye inobatsira kune mese (uye hukama hwenyu). Ndinovimba, iwe unozobuda mumwe mugumo padhuze semhedzisiro.

Nei Zvakaoma Kutaura Nezvebonde?

Ngatimbotaurai zvishoma nezve nei zvichityisa kutaura nezve bonde pakutanga; nekuti kuziva iyo "nei" kunogona kubatsira ne "sei." (Senge nezvinangwa zvekusimba!)

“Nhoroondo yezvepabonde yakaoma kutaura nezvayo nokuti vanhu vakawanda vakadzidziswa nemhuri dzavo, tsika, uye chitendero kuti vasataura nezvazvo,” anodaro Holly Richmond, Ph.D., nyanzvi yewanano uye mhuri ine rezinesi.

Kana iwe uchikwanisa kusarudza kuramba izvo zvidzidzo zvekunyadziswa uye zvisina kukodzera, unozotanga kunzwa kugoneswa uye kugona kupinda mukati mako semunhu akasunungurwa pabonde. Chokwadika, kuita izvozvo hakusi kupenga; zvinotora tani yekukura kwemukati uye kuzvida pachako. Kana iwe usinganzwe sekunge iwe uripo, chinhu chekutanga kuita kutsvaga murapi akanaka kana certified sex coach anogona kukubatsira kukutungamira parwendo urwu. Ziva kuti zvinotora kuzvipira uye kushanda; Kunyadziswa kwevanhu munharaunda dzepabonde, ungangoda rubatsiro rwekunze kuti ubatsire kwaunoda kuenda.

"Paunotanga kunzwisisa kuti hutano hwako hwepabonde hwakakosha sehutano hwako hwepanyama uye hwepfungwa, unonzwa uine simba rekutaura pamusoro pezvaunoda uye zvaunoda," anodaro Richmond. (Ona: Maitiro Ekutaura kune Wako Mudiwa Nezve Kuda Kuda Zvepabonde Zvakawanda)

Kubva ipapo, ungangoda kudzidza hunyowani hunyanzvi hwekutaurirana kuti utaure nezvebonde nekuti vanhu vazhinji havana kumbodzidziswa nenzira kwayo kuita idzi hurukuro dzepedyo. “Zvakajairika kuti unzwe uchitya pamusoro penyaya yausina kujaira kutaura—zvikurukuru nemashoko uye kune mumwe munhu wauri kutanga kunzwa kuda kwake,” anodaro Kristine D’Angelo, murairidzi wezvepabonde ane chiziviso uye chiremba wezvepabonde.

Ndosaka, kunyangwe iwe ukazvimbundira iwe semurume, mwarikadzi anoshamisa iwe uri, kutaura nezve bonde kunogona kutyisa. Kuva nekutya nezve bonde uye kupihwa simba repabonde hazvina kuzvimiririra kune mumwe nemumwe; vanogona kugarisana mukati meyakaomesesa psyche yemunhu, uye zvakanyatsonaka.

Ungaita Sei Kukurukurirana Kweakadai Anonzwisisa Hunhu

Usati watanga kutaura nezve yako yepamberi bonde, zvibvunze zvauri kuyedza kubuda munhaurirano iyi: Ichi chinhu chaunofanira kuburitsa pachena kuti uwane hukama hwepamoyo kana kuti uve wega muhukama uhu hutsva? "Kana iwe uchiziva kuti sei urikutanga hurukuro, zviri nyore kutora nguva yakakodzera yekuuya nayo," anodaro D'Angelo.

Sarudzo 1: Iyo nhaurirano yose haidi kuitika ipapo, anotsanangura Moushumi Ghose, MFT, chiremba wepabonde ane mvumo. "Donhedza mbeu uone kuti mhinduro inofamba sei," anodaro. "Ramba uchidonhedza mbeu nguva dzose kuti uve nechokwadi chekuti urikuita kuti hurukuro ienderere-izvi zvinopa mukana wekuti ivo vabvunze mibvunzo." Kana mumwe munhu achinge atanga kubvunza mibvunzo, unogona kuzvirerutsa mune yako yekare pabonde pasina kuburitsa ruzivo rwakawanda kubva pasina. Semuenzaniso, unogona kutaura kuti makore mashoma apfuura iwe newaimbova mudiwa wako maive nevatatu; kana vakabvunza mibvunzo nezve kusangana, iwe unogona kugovera rumwe ruzivo uye kuti iwe wakanzwa sei nezve chiitiko ichocho.

Sarudzo 2: Imwe nzira yokukurukura nayo musoro wacho ndeyokuva nekurukurirano yakatsaurirwa, yokugara pasi. Zvichienderana nezvaunoda kugovera uye nhanho yako yekunyaradza, unogona kusarudza kana izvo zvinonzwa zvakanaka kwauri. Kana zvirizvo, iwe uchazoda kuve munzvimbo yakachengeteka umo vaviri venyu mungatapurirane (ex: kumba, pane kuita munzvimbo ine vanhu vazhinji vanogona kuteerera mukati) uye ungangoda kupa mumwe wako akasimudza musoro kuti vagone kugadzirirawo mupfungwa. "Ita kuti mumwe wako azive kuti unoda kumbowana nguva yekutaura nezvenhoroondo dzebonde rako," anodaro D'Angelo. "Goverana nei uchinzwa kuti iyi ingave hurukuro yakakosha kuva nayo uye rega vazvigadzirire nekuvapa zvimwe zvinhu zvekufunga nezvazvo nguva yako yakatarwa yekutaura isati yasvika."

Maitiro ehukama akasiyana uye nzira yaunosarudza kuita hurukuro idzi inozviisa kune yako chaiyo hukama. Zvisinei, nyatsojekesa pane zvaunonzwa zvakanaka kuratidza uye enda mukutaurirana musoro wako wakasimudzwa. (Yakabatana: Uyu Mumwe Kukurukurirana Akachinja Hupenyu Hwangu Hwepabonde kuti Uve Nani)

"Zvakare, ita shuwa kuti uri kuunzawo kuda kuziva kwako kune nhoroondo yepabonde yemumwe wako," anodaro D'Angelo. "Hongu, urikuda kuti vanzwisise zvirinani asi kuva nehanya nezvenhoroondo yavo yebonde kuchavapa mukana wekukuvhurira, zvakare. Ndipo panotangisa kukura hukama hwepedyo."

Panguva Ipi Muhukama Unofanira Kuunza Izvo?

Pane kunetsekana kwakapararira kwekusada kuburitsa "zvakawandisa, nekukurumidza" muhukama, uye nhoroondo yebonde ingori chimwe chezvinhu zvinowira pasi pemuraira iwoyo.

Nekudaro, usati wamboita bonde, zvakakosha kuti iwe utaure nezveganhu dzako dzebonde, kuyedza njovhera, uye nzira dzakachengeteka dzebonde. Kuwana kugadzikana neiyi hurukuro kutanga kuchakugadzirira iwe kuti uve neakadzika, zvakanyanya-zvakadzama hurukuro nezve yako yepabonde yapfuura gare gare. Uyezve, chero munhu asingazoburitse pachena ruzivo rwake rweSTI, kushandisa makondomu, kana kuwana cagey pamusoro pemiganhu yako haasi mumwe munhu waunoda kurara naye- izvo zvinofanirwa kunge zvisina kutaurirana uye kumisa mwero wekuremekedzana.

Taura nezve yako yepabonde yapfuura apo hurukuro inouya zvakasununguka mukufambira mberi kwehukama - nekuti zvinowanzoitika nguva dzose. Panguva iyoyo, unogona "kudonhedza mbeu" uye kurerutsira mumusoro, kana iwe unogona kusarudza kugara pasi uye kutaura pane imwe nguva inotevera.

Pakupera kwezuva, kuve wakanaka nenhoroondo yako yebonde iwe pachako ndicho chinhu chakanyanya kukosha pane zvese, anodaro Richmond. "Chokwadi, panogona kunge paine zviitiko zvakati wandei zvaungade kuzviitira, asi kuita zvikanganiso izvi chikamu chezviitiko zvevanhu, uye pakupera kwezuva, hazvishandisike mukukudziridza pfungwa yako wega."

Kana iwe uchinzwa kunyadziswa zvakanyanya nezve chero chinhu munguva yako yapfuura, funga kutaura nachiremba uyo anogona kukubatsira iwe kushanda kuburikidza nazvo; unogona kubatsirwa nekusabuda muhukama hwepabonde kusvika waita kupora kwemukati.

Matauriro Azvo Nenzira Inosimbisa Bond Yako

Ehe, pane kutya kuti kugovana nhoroondo yako yepabonde kunogona kuita kuti iwe kana mudiwa wako unzwe zvakashata nezve yakaenzana yemusango kana kwete-yakadaro-yemusango yapfuura. Uku kunetseka kwakanaka, uye kuzviramba hakuiti kuti zviende.

Zvakajairika kuti unzwe usina kukwana, zvisinei kuti ruzivo rwako rwakaita sei-ndicho chinhu chose, munhu wose anonzwa asina kukwana kune vadikani vake vekare, kunyange kana zvishoma. "Sei? Nekuti mudiwa wese akasiyana uye ane zvido zvakasiyana," anodaro Ghose. Zviri nyore kuwira mumusungo wekuenzanisa uye uzvipinze pakatarisana ne "Ex Vaiva Nevatatu Na" kana "Ex Vavakadanana Kwemakore 10," nekuti vanhu vanowanzozvikuvadza. Munhu wekare anogona kuva uyu mukuru-kupfuura-hupenyu "mwari wepabonde," uye zviri nyore kutya kuti hauzorarami kune uyu (wenhema) munhu. (Yakabatana: Kuva Shamwari neEx Yako Kwakave Ipfungwa Yakanaka?)

Chinhu chinokosha kuyeuka kuti kunzwa kwokusakwanisa kunoenda kumativi ose. Kutaurirana zviri pachena, kwakavimbika kunogona kubatsira. "Ita mumwe wako azive kuti wapora kana zvawakadzidza pamusoro pako pamusoro pemakore, uye kuti havafanirwe kunzwa kuremerwa kana kukwana," anodaro Richmond. "Kana iwe wakasimba muhunhu hwako hwepabonde, asi [uripo] nguva dzose kuti udzidze uye uwane zvakawanda, saka tinotarisira kuti vachamirira rwendo irworwo newe pane kuti vapinde mumusoro wavo nezvezvavanofunga zvavanokwanisa kana zvavanogona ' t kupa. "

Usaite kuti nhaurirano ive "yakakura kuratidza," asi pamusoro penyu mese uye nhoroondo dzenyu dzakasiyana. D'Angelo anokurudzira kubvunza kuti:

• Ndezvipi zviitiko zvako zvebonde zvakapfuura zvakakudzidzisa iwe nezve hutano hwako?
• Sei bonde richikosha kwauri?
• Ndeapi matambudziko epabonde awakasangana nawo munguva yako yakapfuura?
• Zvawakambosangana nazvo pabonde zvakaumba zvauri nhasi sei?

“Nekuvabvunza mibvunzo iyi unenge uchivapa mukana wekuziva kuti ndezvipi chaizvo zvauri kutarisira kuongorora pahurukuro iyi,” anodaro. (Unogonawo kuongorora mibvunzo iyi nekutanga bhuku rezvepabonde kubatsira kufungisisa pfungwa nemanzwiro ako.)

Kana Ikatanga Kuenda Zasi ...

Kana iwe uchinetsekana nemaitiro emumwe wako kana manzwiro ako, ziva kuti zvinobatsira kusuma iyo hurukuro ine simbiso yekunzwira tsitsi uye kuva ~ mairi pamwechete ~. Kana iwe ukauya pairi uchibva kunzvimbo yekugovana, inogona kuita kuti mamiriro ese awedzere kunakidza uye kukurudzira kuti ukure mavhesi ari pedyo auye mumamiriro ezvinhu kubva kumativi anopikisa.

Kana chimwe chinhu chikasafamba zvakanaka kana kuti mumwe munhu akatanga kutonga kana kukuvadza, chinhu chakanakisa kuita ndechekuti, “Izvi zviri kundirwadza. Zvamuri kutaura zviri kunditambudza. Tinogona kuisa pini mune izvi? ” Tora zuva rekugadzirisa, kuratidza, uye kufunga zvavakataura kwauri. Rangarira kuti nyaya idzi hadzisi nyore kutaura pamusoro padzo uye nhaurirano idzi dzinogona kunetsa mupfungwa; hapana chikonzero chekuti mumwe wenyu anzwe aine mhosva kana musingakwanise kungofefetera zvakapfuura ruzivo rwakashata. Kana iwe uchida kumbomira uye woitora zvakare shure, yeuka (uye yeuchidza mumwe wako) kuti vanyoro mumwe nemumwe.

Ongorora: Haufanire Kugovana Zvese

Izvi zvingaite sezvisinganzwisisike, asi harisi basa rako kuratidza zvese nezve yako yapfuura. Mamiriro ako enjovhera chinhu chimwe chete, maererano nekuchengetedzeka kwemudiwa wako pabonde, asi nguva iyoyo yawakaita kuita zvenjovhera hachisi hacho chinhu chauri kuita. kudiwa kuratidza.

"Pane mutsauko pakati pekuvanzika nekuvanzika. Munhu wese ane kodzero yekuvanzika, uye kana paine zvimwe zvezvepabonde zvekare zvaunoda kuzvichengeta, zvakanaka," anodaro Richmond. (Yakabatana: 5 Zvinhu Zvaungangoda Kuudza Wako Mumwe)

Izvi hazvisi zvekuchengetedza zvakavanzika kana kubata kunyadziswa. Ndezve kusarudza kusarudza kugovana ruzivo iwe rwaunoda kugovera. Hupenyu hwako uye kana iwe usiri kuda kuti mumwe wako azive nezve kirabhu yepabonde yawakaenda mumakore ako ekutanga, ndiro bhizinesi rako. Zvimwe uchafunga kugovera rumwe ruzivo gare gare munzira. Pamwe haudi. Chero nzira yakanaka.

Gigi Engle inyanzvi yezvepabonde, mudzidzisi, uye munyori weAll The F*cking Mistakes: Gwara reBonde, Rudo, neHupenyu. Mutevere pa Instagram uye Twitter pa @GigiEngle.

Ongororo ye