Nei Kusurukirwa Kuchikwira Pamberi Pedu 30s?

Zvemukati

• Kusurukirwa kunokura mushure mekoreji
• Saka, kusurukirwa kunobva mukutya kukundikana here?
• Asi chokwadi ndechekuti, vazhinji vedu tatoziva maitiro ekuve tisina kusurukirwa
• Zvakanaka, kutanga, tiri kukura pasocial media
• Maitiro ekuputsa iyo kutenderera

Zvinogoneka kuti kutya kwedu kukundikana - kwete pasocial media - ndiko kunokonzera kusurukirwa.

Makore matanhatu apfuura Naresh Vissa aive makumi maviri-chimwe chinhu uye akasurukirwa.

Akanga achangopedza koreji uye aigara oga kwenguva yekutanga mune imwe imba yekurara, zvisingawanzo kuisiya.

Kufanana nemamwe akawanda makumi maviri-mazuva, Vissa anga asina kuroora. Aidya, airara, uye aishanda kubva kumba.

"Ini ndaitarisa kunze kwewindo rangu muBaltimore's Harbour East ndobva ndaona vamwe vanhu vari [kwavo] makumi maviri vachitamba, vachienda kumazuva, uye vachifara," Vissa anodaro. "Zvese zvandaigona kuita kuvhara mapofu, kudzima mwenje wangu, uye kuona zvikamu zve'The Wire. '"

Angave akanzwa kunge iye ega munhu akasurukirwa muchizvarwa chake, asi Vissa haasi oga mukusurukirwa kwake.

Kusurukirwa kunokura mushure mekoreji

Kupesana nekutenda kwakakurumbira kwekuti wakakomberedzwa neshamwari, mapato, uye kunakidzwa mune yako 20s uye 30s, iyo nguva yapfuura koreji ndiyo inguva chaiyo apo kusurukirwa kunokwira.

Chidzidzo che2016 chakaburitswa muDevelopment Psychology chakawana kuti, kune vakomana nevasikana, kusurukirwa kunokwira usati wasvikira makore makumi matatu.

Muna 2017, Jo Cox Kusurukirwa Commission (chirongwa cheChirungu chakanangana nekuratidza dambudziko rakavanzika rekusurukirwa) yakaita ongororo yekusurukirwa nevarume muUK ndokuona kuti makumi matatu nemashanu izera ravanenge vari vega, uye 11 muzana vakati ivo kusurukirwa zuva nezuva.

Asi ino haisi iyo nguva iyo vazhinji vedu, sevana, tinorota nezve kubudirira? Mushure mezvose, zvinoratidzira senge "Mutsva Musikana," pamwe ne "Shamwari" uye "Kuda & Nyasha" hazvina kumbobvira zvaratidza kuve mumakore ako makumi maviri nemakumi matatu sekusurukirwa.

Tingave tine matambudziko emari, matambudziko ebasa, uye kudonha kwerudo, asi kusurukirwa? Izvo zvaifanirwa kuparara nekukasika patakazviita tega.

Nyanzvi dzezvematongerwo enyika dzakagara dzichitarisa matatu ezvinhu akakosha pakugadzira shamwari: kuswedera pedyo, kudzokorora uye kusarongeka kusangana, uye marongero anokurudzira vanhu kurega varindi vavo pasi. Aya mamiriro anoonekwa asingawanzo kuitika muhupenyu mushure mekunge dorm makamuri mazuva apera.

"Kune ngano zhinji pamusoro peizvo makore makumi maviri-chinhu ndezve," anodaro Tess Brigham, San Francisco-ane marezinesi ekurapa uyo ane hunyanzvi hwekurapa vechidiki vakuru nemireniyamu.

"Vatengi vangu vazhinji vanofunga kuti vanofanirwa kuve nebasa rakanaka, varoorwe - kana kuroorwa - kana kuva nehupenyu hwakanaka pasati vasvitsa makore makumi matatu kana kuti vatadza neimwe nzira," Brigham anowedzera.

Izvo zvakawanda zvekutora, kunyanya zvese panguva imwe chete.

Saka, kusurukirwa kunobva mukutya kukundikana here?

Kana pamwe mamiriro etsika anoita kuti zviite senge ndiwe wega unokundikana, izvo zvinoita kuti unzwe kusaririra uye kusurukirwa.

"Kana iwe ukawedzera mune zvemagariro enhau, zvinova hupenyu hwevamwe vese hunoratidza reel, zvinoita kuti vechidiki vazhinji vanzwe vari vega uye varasika," anodaro Brigham.

"Kunyange makore makumi maviri-chimwe chinhu akazara nekunakidzwa uye mufaro, zvakare inguva yehupenyu hwako paunosarudza kuti ndiwe ani uye hupenyu hwerudzii hwaunoda kurarama."

Kana munhu wese - uye angave ari munhu wese pasocial media, kusanganisira vanopesvedzera uye vane mukurumbira - zvinoita kunge vari kurarama hupenyu ihwo huri nani kupfuura iwe, zvinogona kukutungamira kuti utende kuti watokundikana. Iwe unogona kunzwa kuda kwekudzoka zvakanyanya.

Asi kuwedzera kune nyaya inyaya yekuti isu hatisi kuchinja maitiro atinoita shamwari mushure mekoreji. Munguva yako yechikoro makore, hupenyu hunogona kufananidzwa nekugara paseti ye "Shamwari." Iwe unogona kupinda mukati nekubuda mumabhudhi ako evaeni dzimba pasina kana kugogodza.

Zvino, neshamwari dzakapararira pamusoro peguta uye munhu wese ari kuyedza kugadzira yavo nzira, kuita shamwari kwave kunetsa uye kuomarara.

"Vechidiki vakawanda havana kumbobvira vashandira kugadzira nekuvaka hushamwari," anodaro Brigham. "Kushingairira kuvaka nharaunda yevanhu vanokutsigira uye kuita shamwari dzinowedzera chimwe chinhu kuhupenyu hwavo kuchabatsira kusurukirwa."

Nyanzvi dzezvematongerwo enyika dzakagara dzichitarisa matatu ezvinhu akakosha pakugadzira shamwari: kuswedera pedyo, kudzokorora uye kusarongeka kusangana, uye marongero anokurudzira vanhu kurega varindi vavo pasi. Aya mamiriro anoonekwa asingawanzo kuitika muhupenyu mushure mekunge dorm makamuri mazuva apera.

“Netflix inoona kuti havafaniri kumirira chikamu chinotevera svondo rinouya; Internet inokurumidza pamafoni avo inovapa ruzivo rwepasi rese ne5-yechipiri nguva yekumirira; uye kana zvasvika kuhukama, ivo vakapihwa muenzaniso wekutsvagisa wekuvaka hukama. " - Maka Wildes

Alisha Powell, ane makore makumi maviri nemasere mushandi wezvemagariro muWashington, DC, anoti akasurukirwa. Sezvo asiri muhofisi, zvinomuomera kusangana nevanhu.

"Ndine chishuwo chakadzama ichi chekureva chimwe chinhu kune mumwe munhu," anodaro Powell. “Ndakaona kuti kunyangwe ndichigona kusangana nekusuwa uye zviitiko zvisina kunaka ndiri ndega nekuti ndinozvitarisira, nguva dzekusurukirwa dzandiinadzo ndipo pandinofara. Ndiri kuda kuti mumwe munhu ane hanya neni apemberere neni, asi havapo uye havasati vambovapo. ”

Powell anoti nekuti haasi kutevera hupenyu hwekushanda zvipfumbamwe kusvika kune zvishanu, kuroora, uye kuita vana - inova nzira dzese dzekushingairira kuvaka nharaunda - ane nguva yakaoma yekuwana vanhu vanomunzwisisa zvakadzama vomuwana. Haasati awana vanhu ivavo.

Asi chokwadi ndechekuti, vazhinji vedu tatoziva maitiro ekuve tisina kusurukirwa

Zvidzidzo zvave zvichitibhomba isu nezve kubvarura kubva pasocial media; zvinyorwa zvave zvichitiudza kuti tinyore mumagazini yekutenda; uye zano rakajairwa rakanyanyisa kureruka: enda kunze kunosangana nevanhu iwe pachinzvimbo chekuchengeta icho chinyorwa kana, sezvazviri kujairika izvozvi, Instagram DM.

Tinozviwana.

Saka sei tisiri kuzviita? Sei, pachinzvimbo, isu tiri kungoora moyo nezve kusurukirwa kwedu?

Zvakanaka, kutanga, tiri kukura pasocial media

Kubva paFacebook inofarira kusvika kuTinder swipes, tingave takatoisa mari yakawandisa muAmerican Dream, zvichikonzera uropi hwedu kuve hwakaomeswa kuti uwane mhedzisiro yakanaka chete.

"Zera remamireniyoni boka rakakura nezvavanoda zvichizadzikiswa nekukurumidza uye nekukurumidza," anodaro Mark Wildes, munyori we "Beyond the Instant," bhuku nezve kuwana mufaro munyika inomhanyisa, inhau yemagariro.

“Netflix inoona kuti havafaniri kumirira chikamu chinotevera svondo rinouya; Internet inokurumidza pamafoni avo inovapa ruzivo rwepasirose ne5-yechipiri nguva yekumirira, "anodaro Wildes," uye kana zvasvika kuhukama, vakapiwa muenzaniso wekutsvagisa wekuvaka hukama. "

Chaizvoizvo, isu tiri mune yakashata kutenderera: isu tinotya kuverengerwa kwekunzwa kusurukirwa, saka tinodzokera mukati medu uye tinonzwa kutosurukirwa.

Carla Manly, PhD, kiriniki wezvepfungwa muCalifornia uye munyori webhuku riri kuuya "Mufaro Pamusoro Pekutya," inoratidza kushatisa uku kutenderera kungave kana tikarega kuchipfuurira.

Kusurukirwa kunoguma kunoita kuti unzwe kunyara, uye unotya kusvika kana kuudza vamwe kuti unonzwa kusurukirwa. "Kuenderera mberi kwekuenderera mberi uku kunoenderera - uye kazhinji kunoguma nemanzwiro akasimba ekuora mwoyo uye kusurukirwa," anodaro Manly.

Kana tikaramba tichifunga nezve hupenyu maererano nekuwana izvo zvatinoda panguva yatinozvida, zvinongoguma nekumwe kuora moyo.

Kiyi yekugadzirisa kusurukirwa inodzokera pakuchengeta zviri nyore - iwe unoziva, iro rairo zano rekuti isu tinoramba tichinzwa kakawanda uye zvakare: enda kunze uye uite zvinhu.

Iwe haugone kunzwa kudzoka kana ungazorambwa. Zvinogona kutotyisa. Asi iwe hauzozive kunze kwekunge wabvunza.

"Hapana nzira yekugadzirisa nekukurumidza kana zvasvika pakusurukirwa kana chero ipi yemanzwiro edu akaomarara," anodaro Brigham. "Kutora matanho zvinoreva kuti uchave usina kugadzikana kwenguva yakati."

Iwe uchafanirwa kubuda wega kana kufamba uchienda kune mumwe munhu mutsva kubasa kuti uvabvunze kana vachida kudya masikati newe. Ivo vaigona kuti kwete, asi vangangodaro. Pfungwa ndeyekuona kurambwa sechikamu cheichi chiitiko uye kwete nzira yemugwagwa.

"Vazhinji vevatengi vangu vanofungisisa uye vanoongorora uye vanonetseka nezve zvinoitika kana vakawana 'kwete' kana vachiita kunge mapenzi," anodaro Brigham. "Kuti ugone kuvaka chivimbo mauri, unofanirwa kutora matanho uye kutarisisa kutora mukana uye kuzviisa kunze (izvo zviri mumaoko ako) uye kwete pamhedzisiro (iyo yausingakwanise kudzora)."

Maitiro ekuputsa iyo kutenderera

Munyori Kiki Schirr akaisa chinangwa gore rino rekurambwa zana - ndokuenda kune zvese zvaaida. Zvakazoitika kuti aisakwanisa kuzadzisa chinangwa chake nekuti zvakawandisa zvekurambwa zvakashanduka zvikave zvinogamuchirwa.

Saizvozvovo, hungave hushamwari kana zvibodzwa zvehupenyu, kuona kurambwa senge fomu yekubudirira inogona kunge iri mhinduro yekukunda kutya kwako kwekutadza.

Kana, kana vezvenhau kuri kushaya simba kwako, ko kana, panzvimbo yekupinda mukati neiyo FOMO (kutya kurasikirwa) pfungwa, isu tichiedza kushandura nzira yatinofunga nezve zvakaitika kune vamwe vanhu? Pamwe inguva yekutora iyo JOMO (mufaro wekupotsa) nzira panzvimbo.

Tinogona kunzwa tichifara kune avo vari kunakidzwa nenguva yavo pane kushuvira kuve isu tiripo. Kana chiri chinyorwa neshamwari, vatumire meseji uye ubvunze kana ungazotandara navo nguva inotevera.

Iwe haugone kunzwa kudzoka kana ungazorambwa. Zvinogona kutotyisa. Asi iwe hauzozive kunze kwekunge wabvunza.

Vissa akazoputsa kubva kutenderera kwake kwekusurukirwa nekumisikidza zvinangwa zvakapusa: verenga bhuku kamwe chete pamwedzi; ona bhaisikopo zuva rega rega; teerera podcasts; nyora pasi zvakanaka bhizinesi zvirongwa, tora-kumusoro mitsara, bhuku misoro - chero chinhu chinotonhorera; kurovedza muviri; rega kunwa; uye rega kutandara nevanhu vasina kunaka (izvo zvaisanganisira kuvashusha paFacebook).

Vissa akatangawo kufambidzana pamhepo, uye, achiri asina kuroorwa, akasangana nevakadzi vanonakidza.

Iye zvino, ane maonero akasiyana nepahwindo rake.

"Pese pandinoora moyo kana kushushikana, ndinofamba ndichienda patafura yangu yekudyira, ndinotarisa kunze kwewindo rangu rakatarisana nedhorobha reBaltimore mudenga, ndotanga kutamba nekuimba Anna Kendrick 'Makapu,'" Vissa anodaro. "Ndapedza, ndinotarisa mudenga, ndokukanda maoko angu mudenga, ndoti," Maita basa. "

Danielle Braff ndiye aimbova mupepeti wemagazini uye mutori wenhau akashandura mubairo anohwina mubairo, achisarudzika muhupenyu, hutano, bhizinesi, kushopu, kurera, uye kunyora kwekufambisa.