Maita Sei Neushamwari Hwedivi Rimwechete

Zvemukati

• Nzira yeKusarudza Hushamwari Hwedivi Rimwechete
• Kufungidzirwa Kurambwa
• Iyo Hushamwari Curve, Nezvimwewo.
• Kusanzwana Kusingataurike
• Sarudza Kuti Wotarisana Nenyaya
• Maitiro Ekurapa kubva kune Imwe-Sided Hushamwari
• Ongororo ye

Mune imwe nguva apo kudiwa kwekuve kure nekumusoro kwakadonhedza vazhinji husiku hwevasikana, kuchengetedza hushamwari, kunyanya nevaya vawaingova "semi-padyo" navo, zvinogona kuoma. Saka nekudaro, dzimwe nguva shamwari dzinongotsauka - chimwe chinhu chinowanzoitika kana chisina denda. Kunyanguvezvo, kurwadza kwoushamwari hwakarasika kana kuti hwerutivi rumwe, kunyange pakati pevazivikanwi, huchiri hunogona kukusiya uchinzwa wakapfava, uchikuvadzwa, uye zvichida kangaidziko zvishomanene.

Kana shamwari ikasadyara nguva yakawanda kana simba muukama hwako sezvavaimboita (kana, kana uri kutendeseka kwauri, zvachose), zviri nyore kududzira izvi sekuramba, anodaro Danielle Bayard Jackson, Florida-based. murairidzi wehushamwari uye muvambi weFriend Forward. Urwu rudzi rwokudzingwa kushamwari runogona kunzwa sezvakaita marwadzo okurambwa nomunhu anobvira kana kuti aichimbova mudiwa, anodaro Han Ren, Ph.D., chiremba wepfungwa ane rezinesi anogara muAustin, Texas. Zvakare, tsvagiridzo inoratidza kuti kukweshwa neshamwari kunogona kukonzeresa nzvimbo dzehuropi dzakatarwa nemarwadzo emuviri. Dudziro: Iyo inoyamwa chaizvo.

Kunyange kana munhu wacho asina kugumbuka newe, "sevanhu, tine tsika yekugadzira zvinhu uye kuzviita pamusoro pedu," anodaro Ren. Ndosaka, kune vamwe vanhu, iwo marwadzo ekurwadziwa kubva kune hushamwari hwedivi rimwe anogona kudzika zvishoma kudzika. (Yakabatana: Sayenzi Inoti Kushamwaridzana Ndiko Kiyi Yekusingaperi Hutano uye Mufaro)

Kukura kwaunoita iwe kudzinga kunoenderana nezvinhu zvakawanda zvinosanganisira kushungurudzika kwakapfuura kana hukama, anodaro Ren. Semuenzaniso, nekuda kwezviitiko zvakapfuura nekurambwa, iwe unogona kuona kuti iwe unowanzo kutsvaga kwekunze kusimbiswa kubva kune vamwe (IRL kana online) kuti unzwe kuti unokodzera hushamwari kana mumwe munhu vanhu vanoda kuve varipo, anotsanangura Cortney Beasley, Psy.D , ane marezinesi ekurapwa kwepfungwa muSan Francisco, CA uye muvambi wePut In Black, chikuva chepamhepo chakanangana nekuderedza hutano nehutano hwevanhu vatema. Asi "kukodzera kwako semunhu hakusi kwevamwe vanhu kuti vaone," anowedzera. Kunyanya kukoshesa zvinofungwa nevamwe pamusoro pako kunogona kukanganisa hutano hwako hwepfungwa uye kuzviremekedza, uye kukurudzira manzwiro ekuzvidya mwoyo, kushushikana, uye kuora mwoyo pfungwa.

Nekudaro, iwe unogona sei kubata hushamwari hwedivi rimwe kana izvo zvinonzwa sekurambwa kubva kune munhu wawaiti seshamwari? Kutanga, ziva kuti manzwiro ako ane chokwadi, asi panogona kunge paine zvakawanda kunyaya. Heano maitiro ekufumura izvo zvisina kunaka, sarudza kana hushamwari hwakakodzera kuchengetedza, uye kugadzirisa uye kuenderera mberi.

Nzira yeKusarudza Hushamwari Hwedivi Rimwechete

Usati wasvetukira kumhedziso (une mhosva!), Iwe uchazoda kufumura izvo chaizvo zviri kumusoro nehukama hwako. Unogona kushamisika kuona kuti pal yako ingori kushaya masaini ako kana kuenda kuburikidza nezvinhu zvavo RN.

Kufungidzirwa Kurambwa

Shamwari yako inogona kunge isiri kuyedza kukuita nemaune, anodaro Jackson. Haasi munhu wese achazadzisa zvaunotarisira, toti, kutanga hurukuro kana nguva yekupindura, saka unogona kunge uchidudzira zvisirizvo kusiyana uku sekurambwa, kana chaanoti "kufungidzira kurambwa." Muchokwadi, shamwari yako inogona kunge ichinetseka kuchinjisa kuchengetedza hukama panguva yekuvharirwa kana kubata imwe nyaya yemunhu iri kuganhura kutarisa kwavo. "Hausi kumhanyisana neshamwari uye vaunoshanda navo mumagariro ako emazuva ese," anodaro Jackson. "Zvino, kana shamwari ichida kukuona kana kutaura newe, vanofanirwa kuronga nekuveza nguva." Denda iri riri kumanikidza vanhu kuti vafungidzire hukama hwavo uye izvo zvinotora kuvasimudzira. (Zvakabatana: Maitiro Ekuita Nekusurukirwa Kana Iwe Uri Wega Panguva Yekubuda kweCoronavirus)

Iyo Hushamwari Curve, Nezvimwewo.

Nekudaro, pane zviitiko apo zviri pachena kuti mumwe munhu haachadi kukoshesa hukama hwako. Hwisisa kuti izvi zvinogona kunge zvisina chekuita newe kana kuedza kwako, anodaro Jackson. Iwe neshamwari yako munogona kuve nezvinokosha zvakasiyana kana kuve pamatanho akasiyana ehupenyu. Shamwari dzinokurumidza uye kudzikira dzichipararira zvakajairika - inodaidzwa kuti hushamwari curve - kunyangwe isingaite kuti iteme zvishoma. Shamwari yako inogona kunge ichipfuura nenguva yakaoma kana nyaya yehutano hwepfungwa, uye ivo havana mukana wekudyara kune vamwe. Kana huri hushamwari hutsva, munhu wacho anogona kuziviswa uye asingasunungurwi kuti aongorore hukama hutsva. (Yakabatana: Maitiro Ekuita Shamwari Sevanhu Vakuru - uye Nei Yakanyanya Kukosha Kune Hutano Hwako)

Chekupedzisira, chokwadi chinorwadza ndechekuti havasi vese vanokuda uye ndizvozvo. Humwe hunhu hahuite zvakanaka pamwe chete, uye kumanikidza ushamwari hakuite kuti ufare pakupedzisira.

Kusanzwana Kusingataurike

Panogona kuve nechakanangana nechikonzero chakanangana nekubatana kwakarasika: gakava.

Kunyangwe shamwari yako ikasakutarisana newe nezvenyaya, unogona kutaurira chimwe chinhu kana chave kure nekure uye kure, kungoita zvehasha, kana kukusiya nemaune kuzviitiko kana kukoka, anodaro Ren. Zvakadaro, zvakajairika kupotsa aya masaini zvachose sezvo shamwari yako inogona kunge ichidzivirira kupokana nekuedzesera zvese zvakanaka. Munhu wacho angangosiya ukama hwacho chinyararire pane kugadzirisa nyaya yacho. "Kurarama munyika ino chaiyo yaunokwanisa kuwana zvinhu zvakawanda, zviri nyore kuti vanhu vanzwe kuti havafanirwe kuisa basa kana kubata nekushushikana kunogona kuuya nehukama nekuti vanogona kuenda mberi nekusangana nevamwe vanhu." , "anotsanangura Beasley.

Sarudza Kuti Wotarisana Nenyaya

Chero chingave chikonzero chekukonana - kusanzwisisika, kuturikira zvisirizvo, nguva isina kunaka, kukoshesa kwakasiyana, kana kunetsana kwakananga - ndiyo chete nzira yekuziva zvechokwadi kuti chii ndechekutaura kushamwari yako zvakananga. Asi iwe unofanira kudaro? Izvozvo zvichapa kuvhara here? Kugadzirisa ushamwari? Kana kukuvadza kupfuura kunaka?

Zvinhu zvishoma zvekufunga nezvazvo, maererano naRen:

• Iwe une bandwidth yekunzwa kuita iyi hurukuro?
• Iwe unoda here kuwedzera rimwe simba uye basa kune iyi hushamwari?
• Shamwari yacho ingangotaura newe here? Kana zvakadaro, vachave vakatendeseka here?
• Unoda munhu uyu muhupenyu hwako mune ramangwana here? Kana zvakadaro, nei?

Ramba uchifunga kuti shamwari yako inogona kunge isingade kujekesa mhepo kana kuti inogona kukwevera manzwiro ako pasi pechiragi kana ukataura, saka haugone kuwana kuvharwa kana mhinduro dzawanga uchitarisira.

Kana ukasvika, uye shamwari yako ikabvuma kukurukura, iwe unoda kutaura manzwiro aunoita pasina kuisa mutoro kushamwari yako, anodaro Beasley. Kutaura chimwe chinhu chakadai se "Ndinonzwa kusuruvara nekuti hatisi kushandisa nguva pamwe chete. Handidi kuti unzwe uchisungirwa, ini ndaingoda kuona kana paine chero chinhu chatingataure nezvacho chingabatsira mamiriro ezvinhu" zvinogona kusvetuka zvinhu, anoti. Kana iwe uchigona kugadzirisa hushamwari, hukuru, asi "iwe ungazosvika pakuziva uyu haasi mumwe munhu ari wangu, uyu haasi iye munhu wandinoda kuunza mune rangu ramangwana, kana hukama uhu haundishandire sezvinoonekwa ne mapinduriro avakaita pakuedza kwangu kuigadzirisa,” anodaro Ren. (Inoenderana: Is Shamwari Yako 'Emotional Vampire'? Heano maitiro Ekuita neiyo Inotyisa Hushamwari)

Maitiro Ekurapa kubva kune Imwe-Sided Hushamwari

Kunyangwe ushamwari hwacho huchienderera mberi kana kwete kana iwe ukauya kune imwe sarudzo, kurwadziwa kwemanzwiro kuchiri chokwadi chiri chokwadi. Neraki, iwe unogona kuisa marwadzo kumashure kwako nekuedza zvishoma uye kuzvida. Heano, mashoma ehunyanzvi matipi ekukubatsira kuti utange munzira yekupora.

Bvuma manzwiro.

Kudzvinyirira manzwiro kune mhedzisiro inonamira, senge kushatirwa kwakasarudzika kana kutsamwa kunogona kuratidza nenzira dzisina kunangana kana kukanganisa humwe hukama, anodaro Ren. Pane kudaro, cherechedza kuti ndeapi manzwiro anomuka kubva mukudyidzana kwako (kana kushayikwa) neshamwari iyi, uye bvuma kuti unonzwa sei - jilted? suwa? kutsamwa?

Wadaro, ita chero zvaunoda kuti uite, kunyangwe kuri kuchema kana kungogara nekurwadziwa. Iva nemoyo murefu iwe pachako, uchibvumira yakaringana nguva kurega aya manzwiro ave, akanyarara, uye ozopfuura. Unogona kufunga kutaura neimwe shamwari kana murapi kana kuyedza kunyora mubhuku senzira yekuburitsa huremu hwemanzwiro aya. (Yakabatana: Icho Chinhu Chaunogona Kuita Kuti Uve Unozviitira wega Izvozvi)

Shandura rondedzero yakaipa.

Nepo zvakajairika kunzwa sekunge iwe uri neimwe nzira mukukanganisa kwehukama hwakatsiga-hwese-hwakamira hushamwari, kufambira mberi zvinoreva kushandura iyo rondedzero, anodaro Jackson.

Kutanga kucherechedza paunoita zvisina kunaka kutaura-kwako, sekuti 'ndataura zvakanyanya here?' kana kuti 'Handina kukwana here?' Cherekedza kana iwe uri kupenya pamusoro pemanzwiro aya.

Kana kutaura kwakashata kuri kutamba kakawanda mumusoro mako, edza kudziimba panzvimbo, anodaro Ren. "Zvakaoma kuzvitora zvakanyanya paunenge uchiimba chimwe chinhu senge 'Ini handina basa' kana kuti 'Ndiri munhu anotyisa.'" Iwe unozoona kupusa uko kunonzwika uye nekuipa kushoma kwekutenda.

Batana nevamwe.

Panzvimbo pekuedza "kutsiva" iyi shamwari, tarisa pakungoramba wakabatana nevamwe. Pedza nguva nevanhu vaunoziva kuti unogona kuvimba navo (kureva hama yakavimbika kana shamwari yegiredhi rechikoro) kuti uzviyeuchidze nezvekukosha kwako seshamwari uye waunovimba naye, anodaro Jackson. Iwe uchayeuchidzwa nezve kureruka kunobva kuhukama hwakazvitsaurira.

Funga nezvezvidzidzo zvaunogona kunge wakadzidza.

Unogona kushamisika kuti kune zvimwe zvakanaka zvinobva muhukama hwakasiyiwa-wega, anodaro Ren. Kune imwe, kusuwa uye kusuwa zvinosimbisa kuti hukama hwawakarasikirwa hwakakosha kwauri. Izvi zvinokutendera kuti utange kufunga kuti ndeapi hunhu hwehukama hwawaikoshesa, saka unogona kutsvaga izvi mune chero hushamwari hwemangwana, anodaro Beasley. Batisisa chiyeuchidzo chine tariro chokuti chiitiko chakaipa ichi cheushamwari hwedivi rimwe chete hachisarudziri kuti ushamwari hwenyu hunotevera huchafamba sei.

Ongororo ye