Mukudzivirira kwekusave Wehukama Nguva Yese

Zvemukati

• Ongororo ye

Ndinoda kufunga kuti ndiri munhu ane hushamwari. Hongu, ndinotambura nekumbozorora iwe-unoziva-chii kumeso, asi avo vanonyatsondiziva havakanganise mhasuru dzechiso chavo nekuramba vachitsvedza pasi. Pane kudaro, ndinotenda kuti vanofunga nezvangu semuteereri akanaka asingambokurega uchiwana ice cream wega-zvese zvakakosha zveshamwari yakanaka.

Pakutanga, semudzidzi wekunze-nyika kukoreji yehurumende uko vanhu vazhinji vaitozivana, ndaifanira kukanda mambure angu zvakanyanya kuti ndiwane denderedzwa renzanga. Ndotenda pakati peshamwari dzandakasangana nadzo mudorm mangu uye muhuroyi hwandakajoinha ndichangopedza orientation, pakanga pasina nguva dzakawanda dzandaimanikidzwa kuva ndega. Asi sekukura kwandakaita ini, kuenderera uine hwakasimba hushamwari roster mukuwedzera kune kugadzira-kupeperesa! Uyezve, sezvo hupenyu hunowedzera kubatikana nebasa, mhuri, uye kungokurawo zvako, ndinoona kuti ndinokoshesa nguva ndiri ndoga nenzira yandaisamboita. (Asi inguva yakadii yega iwe yaunoda chaizvo?)

Ese mapoinzi aya haana kukwanisa kupedza hasha dzangu humwe husiku nguva pfupi yadarika apo ini nemurume wangu takafamba kuenda kuchitoro kunotora chekupedzisira chekudya kwemanheru. Wangu (anonyanya kushamwaridzana) murume akauya panze pandanga ndakamirira nembwa yedu uye akataura kuti anga aona munhu waanoziva kubva munharaunda medu mukati uyo aive abvunza nezvangu.

"Pinda undoti hesi," akadaro.

"That's okay, I'm sure ndichambodhumana naye around town," ndakapindura.

"Unopesana nevanhu zvakanyanya," akapindura.

"Handisi, ndinongochengetedza vanhu!" Ndakapindura.

Ndichiri kuziva kuti aiseka (kunyanya, ndinofunga), zvakataurwa nemurume wangu zvakandipa kumbomira. Pamwe ini am kuwana zvishoma anti-zvemagariro.

Saka fungidzira kufara kwangu apo mavhiki mashomanana gare gare ndakanzwa kuti genetics inogona kuita basa guru mumagariro evanhu (kana kuti anopesana nemagariro evanhu). Yep-vaongorori kubva kuNational University yeSingapore vakaona kuti magene maviri-CD38 uye CD157-ayo anoonekwa seyako mahormone ehukama, anogona kuve nemhosva yekuraira kana mumwe munhu ari kubuda kana kunyanya kuchengetedzwa. Vanhu vane huwandu hwakakwira hweCD38 vanowanzo kuve vanoshamwaridzana kupfuura vamwe nekuda kweiyo huwandu hweoxytocin iyo inokonzeresa kuti isunungurwe, masayendisiti akadaro.

Ndinofanira kubvuma, kwaive kurerukirwa kuve ne "chikonzero" chekusanzwa kuda kubata kofi kana kutaura nekukurumidza nemumwe munhu. Zvinoita sekunge iwe dai uine maziso ebhuruu asi uchiziva kuti hapana chaungaite nezvazvo nekuti ... sainzi! Saka maziso e brown uye imwe "ini" nguva inongofanira kuita. (P.S. Heano maitiro ekuveza nguva yekuzvitarisira kunyangwe iwe usina.) Ndakasekesa nemurume wangu kuti kunyangwe ini aida kuti uve wakanyanya kugarisana, DNA yangu yakazvidzivirira. Kunyange ini ndichiziva kuti ichi hachisi chokwadi zvachose, kunzwa nezve tsvagiridzo iyi kwakatora nguva kubva panguva dzacho ini ndakangonyemwerera uye kukwazisa mumwe munhu (uye ipapo nekukurumidza ndakaramba ndichifamba) maringe nekumira kuti ndive nemhedzisiro yemaminetsi makumi maviri-ini ndakanga ndisiri ' t kunyatsopinda.

Kunyangwe kana iwe uine genetiki uchida kuve wakanyanya kugarisana, kuve nekugunun'una kwevasikana kuzadza maawa ako anofara uye kupera kwevhiki hakusi iko kukunda kana. Muchokwadi, mumwe muongorori wenguva refu uye weBritish anthropologist, Robin Dunbar, Ph.D., uyo anodzidza kukanganisa kwekudyidzana kwevanhu uye hukama, akataura kuti ukuru hwehuropi hwemunhu hunoisa muganhu pamagariro ako. Dunbar (uyo akaburitsa izvi zvakawanikwa kumashure muna 1993 mujenari Maitiro uye Brain Sayenzi asi wakaenderera mberi nekutaura nezve "Dunbar Nhamba" kubvira ipapo) inotsanangura kuti huropi hwako hunoburitsa denderedzwa rako revanhu pavanhu zana nemakumi mashanu - ndizvo chaizvo zvazvinogona kubata. Kana izvozvo zvichiita sezvizhinji, tanga kufunga munhu woseunongoshamwaridzana naye, kubva mubhuku rako rebhubhu kusvika kukirasi yako yeMugovera mangwanani yoga, uye uchawana iwe zvichida kupfuura nhamba iyoyo nokukurumidza. Uye, hongu, izvi hazvireve kuti zvakaipa kumutsa ushamwari hwemazuva ese nevaunoshanda navo kana barista waunoona mangwanani ega ega, asi kana uine shamwari dzinosvika zana nemakumi mashanu (ndaneta nekungofunga nezvazvo! zvinoita sekuratidza kuti unenge uchiparadzira hushamwari uhu mutete, izvo zvinosiya nzvimbo shoma ye "chaiko" kubatana.

Chinhu ndechekuti, vezvenhau vakaita kuti zvikwanisike kuve neanopfuura-150 "shamwari". Asi hachisi chakavanzika kuti rondedzero yako iri kukura yeshamwari dzeFacebook haingoenderane nekufara kwevanhu. Muchokwadi, zvidzidzo zviviri zvakaburitswa mu Makomputa muhunhu hwevanhu vakawana zvakapesana chete. Wekutanga akawana kuti vanhu vanoshandisa Facebook kazhinji (tora shamwari yako Becky kubva mugiredhi repiri, uyo asingarasikirwe kugovana posvo nezve ake ezuva nezuva kurovedza muviri kana zvaaive nazvo zvemasikati) vari kunyanya kusurukirwa muhupenyu chaihwo. Mumwe wacho akaona kuti kuve nemambure akakura pasocial media - uye nekudaro uchigona kubatwa neimbwanana nyowani, zororo, kana pikicha yekubatana - zvinogona kuisa damper rakakomba pamanzwiro ako.

Zvisingashamisi, kushamwaridzana kwandinoita nevezvenhau uye kushamwaridzana kunoratidzira izvo zviri chaizvo munyika. Ini ndinotumira zvishoma, uye pandinoita, kazhinji nezvemwana wangu akanaka kana mwana anoyevedza. Uye ini handirasire zvangu "zvandinoda" kunze kune chero munhu-ini ndinovachengetera kune vandinoshanda navo avo vakatama kana mudzidzisi wangu wechiRungu aigara achikurudzira mabhuku akanaka.

Uyezve, iwe ukatarisa kugona kwemumwe munhu kugadzira nekuchengetedza padhuze hukama uye hushamwari, boka rebasa raDunbar rinoti nhamba iyi inongotora vanhu vashanu panguva imwe chete muhupenyu hwako. Vanhu ivavo vanogona kuchinja, asi yep, huropi hwako hunogona kungobata hukama hune hushamwari panguva imwechete-imwe pombi inosimbisa pombi kwandiri. Vanhu vashanu muhupenyu hwangu vandine hukama hune chinangwa navo vanhu vanga vari muhupenyu hwangu kubva ndichiri mudiki. Kunyange zvazvo tisingagari munharaunda imwe chete, kuchengeta ukama navo kunonzwa kuri nyore nokuti kunaka kwoushamwari hwedu kwakasimba, kunyange kana nguva yatinoonana isina kukwana. Dzimwe nguva isu tinongotaura kamwe chete pamwedzi, zvakadaro ivo vachiri vanhu vandinosheedza kana ndine nhau dzekugovana-dzakanaka kana zvakaipa-uye zvinopesana, saka zvinoita sekunge hatimbopotsa kurohwa.

Ini pachangu, ndaona hushamwari hwangu hune nzira yekudonha uye kuyerera kuti ifanane nezviri kuitika muhupenyu hwangu. Huroyi hwandakajoinha mwedzi mizhinji yapfuura neshamwari dzandakaunganidza mumakore angu ose ekukoreji? Ini ndinogona kukuudza chaizvo zvavari kuita vese nekutenda kune yangu social media newsfeed, asi nhamba yavo yandakaona pachangu uye ndakaseka IRL nayo? Poshi. Uye ini zvakanaka nazvo. Vamwe vangati izvi zvinopesana nevanhu, asi ini ndinofarira kufunga kuti ndiri kungoteerera sainzi, kuchengetedza nzvimbo muhuropi hwangu kune vanhu vangu vashanu vanozosimudzira hutano hwangu nekungova muhupenyu hwangu. (Cherechedza: Ndicharamba ndichitora aizikirimu newe, kunyange usiri mumwe wevanhu vangu vashanu. Nokuti ndinokuda—uye ice cream.)

Ongororo ye