Nhungamiro Yekutanga Yekuvhiya Mumwe Mubatsiri Therapy

Zvemukati

• Chii?
• Ndiani anogona kubatsirwa?
• Chinoshanda sei?
• Ichi chinhu chakafanana neyekurapa pabonde here?
• Vane bonde vanoberekera vamwe vanoita zvebonde here?
• Unoita sei kuti ubatanidzwe nemumwe munhu?
• Zviri pamutemo here?
• Mumwe munhu anozoita sei mumwe wake?
• Chinokosha

Isu tinosanganisira zvigadzirwa zvatinofunga zvinobatsira kuvaverengi vedu. Kana iwe ukatenga kuburikidza nehukama pane ino peji, isu tinogona kuwana diki komisheni. Heano maitiro edu.

Iwe unoziva chinonzi bonde chii, uye ungangodaro wakanzwa nezve izwi rekuti "surrogate," zvirinani zvichitaura nezvevacheche nemimba. Asi kana uchirova iwo mazwi maviri pamwechete iwe unofarira "???" hausi wega.

Vazhinji vanhu havazivi kuti zvipi zvepabonde zvinopihwa.

Uye vazhinji vanofunga kuti vanayo nzira zvisizvo, sekureva kwaJenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, uye AASECT chiremba wepabonde anozivikanwa, sexologist, uye rezinesi rewanano nemurapi wemhuri weAdamEve.com.

"Chaizvoizvo hachisi chinhu chinoshamisira vanhu vazhinji vanofunga kuti chiri."

Ndosaka pange paine kurudziro yekutanga kudaidzira kuzviita bonde "surrogate partner therapy" pachinzvimbo, anodaro Mark Shattuck, akasimbiswazve mukwikwidzi surrogate uye sachigaro wenhau neInternational Professional Surrogate Association (IPSA).

Nezve mamiriro ezvinhu, IPSA yave ichizivikanwa seinotungamira masimba mune zvebonde surrogacy uye surrogate partner kurapwa kubva 1973.

Chii?

Kuberekera mumwe wako kurapwa, sekutsanangurwa neIPSA, inzira nhatu dzekurapa hukama pakati peanobvumidzwa murapi, mutengi, uye mumwe mukadzi anoberekera mumwe.

Yakagadzirirwa kubatsira mutengi kuti ave akasununguka nehukama, hunhu, zvepabonde uye zvepabonde, nemuviri wavo.

Nepo hukama uhu unokwanisa kukudziridza nemhando ipi neipi yemurapi ane rezinesi, Shattuck anoti zvinowanzoitwa neyekurapa pabonde.

Anowedzera kuti varapi vebonde vanowanzo kuve vakasununguka kune surrogacy basa kupfuura mamwe echinyakare varapi.

Saka, chii chinonzi mumwe chibvumirano, chaizvo?

"Nyanzvi inoshandisa kubata, kufema, kufunga, kurovedza muviri, uye kudzidzira hunyanzvi hwemagariro kubatsira mutengi kuzadzisa zvinangwa zvavo zvekurapa," anotsanangura Shattuck.

Dzimwe nguva - anoti mune zvaanoona zvinenge gumi neshanu kusvika makumi maviri muzana yenguva - kuzviitira mumwe wako kusangana pabonde. "Asi izvo zvese zvinoenderana nenyaya iyo mutengi ari kushanda nayo," anodaro.

Chinangwa cheizvi zvese? Kupa mutengi nzvimbo yakachengeteka kuti aongorore uye kudzidzira kushamwaridzana uye bonde munzvimbo yakarongeka.

Chinyoro chakakosha: Pasina nguva murapi akatarisa kana akanangana zvakananga nezviri kuitika pakati peumwe mukadzi surrogate nemutengi.

"Mutengi anosangana nemumwe wake akazvimiririra zvakasiyana," anotsanangura Shattuck. Asi mutengi anopa murapi wavo uye wavanobatirana naye mwenje wegirini kuti vataurirane pamusoro pekufambira mberi kwavo.

"Murapi, mutengi, uye mumwe murume anobata mumwe mukana wokutaurirana zvakanaka uye kazhinji chinhu chakakosha pakubudirira kuzviitira mumwe wako kurapwa," anodaro.

Ndiani anogona kubatsirwa?

Iwe haugone kuwana mumwe munhu anobatirana nemumwe munhu usati watova nemurapi ane rezinesi, sekureva kwaShattuck.

Saka kazhinji, anodaro, "mumwe munhu anotanga kushanda newawakaroverana naye mukadzi anga achitova pakurapa bonde kwemwedzi mishoma kana makore mashoma uye achine basa rakawanda rekuita pakunzwa kugadzikana nebonde, kushamwaridzana, kufambidzana, uye nemuviri wake . ”

Matambudziko anogona kukurudzira mutengi kuti vataure kuti vanosanganisira mumwe wavo anoteedzera mune yavo yekurapa maitiro - kana kune wepabonde murapi kuti ataure zvakafanana kune mutengi - zvinobva kune zvakajairwa kushungurudzika munharaunda kusvika kune chaiwo kusangana pabonde kana kutya.

Vamwe vanhu vanogona kubatsirwa nemasimba ekurapa emumwe mukadzi kuzviitira anosanganisira:

• kushungurudzika uye vakapukunyuka vakapukunyuka
• vanhu vane zvishoma kana vasina ruzivo rwepabonde
• varidzi-vevarume vane erectile kudzvinyirira kana yekutanga ejaculation
• vagara-varidzi vane vaginismus, kana imwe pelvic pasi kusagadzikana kunogona kuita kuti kupinda mukati kunorwadza
• vanhu vanorwira kugamuchirwa nemuviri kana muviri dysmorphia
• vanhu vane kushushikana kana kutya zvakanangana nezve bonde, kudanana, nekubata
• vanhu vakaremara zvinoita kuti zvinyanye kunetsa kuita bonde

Zvinosuruvarisa, nekuti mazhinji mainshuwarisi haavhari surrogacy partner therapy (kana kurapa pabonde, kune izvozvi), vazhinji vevanhu vanogona kubatsirwa neiyi nzira yekuporesa havagone.

Chimwe chikamu chinowanzobhadhara chero kupi zvako kubva pamadhora mazana maviri kusvika kumadhora mazana mana kubva muhomwe.

Chinoshanda sei?

Paunenge iwe nachiremba wako wafunga wekuberekera mumwe wako kurapwa kungakubatsira iwe, wako wepabonde murapi anogona kusvika kunetiweki yevamwe vanobatirana naye kuti akubatsire iwe kuwana anokwanisa mutambo.

Ivo vanogona zvakare kubata IPSA Referrals Coordinator kuti vabatsirwe mukuwana anonzwira tsitsi, akanyatsodzidziswa, akasimbiswa nyanzvi surrogate mudiwa uyo anonyatso kukodzera zvaunoda.

Shattuck anodaidzira kuti mazuva ano vazhinji vanobatirana navo vanobata pamhepo uye pasocial media mapuratifomu, saka kana iwe ukagumburwa nemumwe waunobatirira mumwe waunofunga kuti angave akakodzera iwe, chiuya nemurapi wako wepabonde.

Asi kuti ushande pamwe newaunoberekera mumwe, mumwe wako wepabonde wezvepabonde uye iye wekudyidzana naye anofanirwa kusaina.

Kubva ipapo, "mutengi uye mudiwa surrogate vachasangana kuti vaone kana kwete zvakanaka," anodaro Shattuck.

Musangano wekutanga unoitika muhofisi yemurapi wepabonde, asi misangano yese inotevera inoitika kumwe kunhu - kazhinji muhofisi yemumwe munhu, kana kumba kwemutengi.

"Kukodzera kwakaringana" hakuratidzwe nezvinhu zvakaita sekukwezva kwaunoita mumwe mukadzi, asi nekunzwa senge iwe unokwanisa (kana kuti pakupedzisira unokwanisa) kuvimba navo.

Kazhinji, mudiwa surrogate uye wepabonde murapi vanoshanda pamwechete kuti vauye nehurongwa hwekurapa hwakavakirwa pazvinangwa zvako. Mushure meizvozvo, iwe nemumwe wako surrogate muchashanda pamwe chete kunangwa iyoyo.

Zvinhu izvo chirongwa chekurapa chinogona kusanganisira:

• kutarisa maziso
• kufungisisa
• sensate kutarisa
• kufema maekisesaizi
• mepu yemuviri
• nzira imwe chete kana kuhura
• imwe- kana mbiri-nzira yekubata (pamusoro kana pazasi mbatya)
• kusangana pabonde (inotungamirwa nechengetedzo-pabonde maitiro)

“Hakuna nguva dzose, kana kunyange kazhinji, kusangana pakati peumwe munhu anobata mumwe munhu nemakasitoma, asi kana zviripo, tinotarisa pakuvaka hwaro hwepedyo kutanga, ”anodaro Shattuck.

Kurapa mumwe mukadzi kurapwa hachisi chinhu-uye-chakaitwa chinhu.

“Tinoshanda pamwe chete kamwe chete pasvondo kana kusvika mutengi asvika pazvinangwa zvake. Dzimwe nguva zvinotora mwedzi, pamwe zvinotora makore, ”anodaro.

"Kana mutengi achinge azadzisa zvinangwa zvake, tine mashoma ekuvhara uye tobva tamutumira kunyika chaiko!"

Ichi chinhu chakafanana neyekurapa pabonde here?

Ikoko Chivabvu kuve kumwe kuwirirana, asi anoberekera mumwe mukadzi kurapwa hakusi kurapwa pabonde.

"Iwo akasiyana zvakasiyana minda," anodaro Skyler.

"Kurapa pabonde imhando yekurapa inobatsira munhu kana vaviri kuti vagadzirise mameseji uye zviitiko zvakashata kuitira kuvabatsira kuvaka hutano hwakanaka hwepabonde nehukama," anodaro.

Nepo vatengi nguva nenguva vangave vaine maoko-ekuita homuweki - semuenzaniso, kuita bonhora, kuona zvinonyadzisira, kana kuita Hungu, Kwete, Pamwe rondedzero - kurapa pabonde kurapwa kwekutaura.

"Hapana kubatana-kwemaoko pakati pechiremba wepabonde nemutengi," anodaro Skyler.

Anoberekera mumwe mukadzi kurapwa ndepaya apo wezvekurapa pabonde paanoshevedza imwe nyanzvi - yakasimbiswa surrogate shamwari yekurapa - kuve panyama, pabonde, kana kudanana nemutengi wavo kunze yezvikamu zvekurapa pabonde.

Vane bonde vanoberekera vamwe vanoita zvebonde here?

"Kunyange isu tichitsigira vanoita bonde, hatizvione sevanhu vanoita zvepabonde," anodaro Shattuck. "Tinozvitora sevanozvibatsira varapi nevarapi."

Dzimwe nguva kune zvinhu zvebonde uye zvebonde zvinobatanidzwa mukuzvibata pabonde, asi chinangwa kupora - kwete hazvo kuburitswa pabonde kana mufaro.

Iyi fananidzo, neruremekedzo rwevabatsiri vanobatirana nemumwe Cheryl Cohen Greene, inogona kubatsira:

Kuenda kune anoita bonde kwakafanana nekuenda kuresitorendi yemhando yepamusoro. Unosarudza zvaunoda kudya kubva mumenu, uye kana uchida zvawadya, unodzoka zvakare.

Kushanda nemumwe mukadzi waunobatirana naye kwakafanana nekutora kirasi yekubika. Iwe unoenda, unodzidza, uyezve wotora izvo zvawakadzidza iwe woenda kumba wobikira mumwe munhu chikafu…

Unoita sei kuti ubatanidzwe nemumwe munhu?

Kazhinji, wako wepabonde murapi ndiye achaita sumo. Asi iwe unogona kushandisa iyi IPSA Surrogate Locator kuti uwane mumwe wekutsiva naye munharaunda yako.

Zviri pamutemo here?

Mubvunzo wakanaka. Mune ruzhinji rweUnited States, kubhadhara bonde hakuna kutenderwa. Asi kudyidzana nemumwe wako hakufananidzi - kana zvirinani kwete nguva dzose zvakafanana - nekubhadhara bonde.

"Hapana mutemo unorambidza kuita izvi," anodaro Shattuck. "Asi hapanawo mutemo unoti izvi zvakanaka."

Mune mamwe mazwi, kubatirana nemumwe wako kunowira munzvimbo yepamutemo grey.

Asi, sekureva kwaShattuck, IPSA yanga iriko kweanopfuura makore makumi mana nemashanu uye haina kumbomhan'arwa.

Mumwe munhu anozoita sei mumwe wake?

"Kuzvipira pabonde kune basa rakakosha kwazvo kune mutengi anovada, asi ivo havadi kudzidza kana kiriniki kudzidziswa mune zvepfungwa," anodaro Skylar.

Izvi zvinoreva here kuti chero munhu anova anobatirana nemumwe? Kwete.

"Avo vanoshanda mukuzvimiririra vanofanirwa kupfuura nechirongwa chehunhu nekusimbisa muviri, seIPSA," anodaro.

Sekureva kwaShattuck (uyo, kudzokororazve, ndeye IPSA yakasimbiswa), kuva mubatsiri wepamberi inzira inobatanidzwa.

"Pane maekisesaizi ekudzidzisa masvondo mazhinji, ipapo pane chirongwa chekudzidzira basa kwaunoshanda pasi pemunhu waunobvumirana naye, uyezve kana / paunofungidzirwa kuti wakagadzirira kuenda wega semubatsiri anozvisarudzira, unoita."

IPSA inodaidzira iko kunyaradzwa nemuviri wemunhu uye zvebonde, kudziya, tsitsi, kunzwira tsitsi, huchenjeri, uye mafungire asina kutonga kune vamwe 'sarudzo yemararamiro, zviito zvekubvumirana pabonde, uye zvebonde ndizvo zvese zvinodiwa kuti uve mubatiri wemukadzi.

Chinokosha

Kune vanhu vanehukama hwepedyo, hutano, muviri wavo, uye kubata ndizvo zvinounza kushushikana, kutya, kushushikana, kana kunetseka, kushanda timu ine (bonde) murapi uye mumwe munhu anoteedzana naye anogona kupora zvisingaite.

Gabrielle Kassel ndeye New York-based bonde uye hukama munyori uye CrossFit Level 1 Mudzidzisi. Iye ave munhu wemangwanani, akaedzwa anopfuura mazana maviri vibrator, uye akadya, akadhakwa, uye nekukweshwa nemazimbe - zvese muzita rezvenhau. Munguva yake yemahara, anogona kuwanikwa achiverenga mabhuku ekuzvibatsira uye enganonyorwa dzerudo, kumanikidza bhenji, kana kutamba matanda. Mutevere pa Instagram.