Kuvaka Matombo Kunokanganisa Hukama Hwako Here?

Zvemukati

• Chakaita sei?
• Icho chaicho chiri 'chinhu chemurume' here?
• Zvakaipa zvechokwadi here?
• Iyo inogadzira pfungwa yekuzviparadzanisa
• Zvinogona kupedza hukama
• Inogona kukanganisa hutano hwako
• Icho chimiro chekushungurudza here?
• Pane chero nzira yekushanda nayo?
• Dzivisa kupwanya
• Tora nguva
• Tsvaga rubatsiro kubva kune anokwanisa kurapwa
• Chinokosha

Iti urikudya kunze kwemanheru nemumwe wako, uye imi mese munotanga kukurukura nezvechinhu chimwe icho chinogara chichiita kuti mese muende - uye kwete nenzira inopisa uye inorema. Pamwe imari kana kupatsanurwa kwemabasa epamba.

Iwe unotanga kuratidza divi rako rezvinhu kungoita kuti ivo vakurumidze kurega kutaura zvachose, vachikusiya uchitarisa mukati mekudya kwako uchinzwa hasha, wega, uye chigumbu.

Zvinoitika kuti pane izwi rehunhu hunoshungurudza hwehunhu: kudonhedza mabwe. Iyo nzira yekutarisisa pamoyo.

Isu tese takave nemhosva yeizvi pane imwe nguva, kungave nekuumbika panguva yekurwa kana kuramba kutarisana nemaziso patinenge takatsamwa.

Hezvino tarisiro yezvimwe zvekare zviratidzo zvinogona kuratidza muhukama uye nhanho dzaunotora kana iwe uchizviziva iwe pachako.

Chakaita sei?

Stonewalling inoitika kana iwe uchiedza kudzivirira hasha nekuregeredza kusawirirana. Munhu ari kudzoka kazhinji anokurirwa uye anotanga kuvhara senzira yekuzvinyaradza uye kuzvidzikamisa.

Kunyangwe zvakajairika kuti pano neapo kushandisa kurapwa kunyarara senzira yekugadzirisa, iri mureza mutsvuku kana hunhu hwacho hukachinjika.

Munhu anopwanya matombo anogona kutadza kuratidza manzwiro avari kuita uye zvigova nyore kuregedza. Izvi zvinogona kutaridzika se:

• kuvhara maziso avo panguva yekukakavadzana
• kutendeuka
• kutarisa foni yavo isingamire pakati pekukurukurirana kukuru

Ivo vanogona zvakare kushandura iyo hurukuro kana kushandisa imwe-izwi mhinduro kuti vadzivise kutaura. Uye kana ivo ita taura chimwe chinhu, ivo vanoshandisa aya akafanana mitsara:

• “Ita chero chaunoda.”
• "Ndapedza."
• "Ndisiye ndoga."
• "Ndinofanira kubva pano."
• "Handichazvikwanise."

Icho chaicho chiri 'chinhu chemurume' here?

Vanhu vazhinji vanofunga kuti kupwanya matombo kunowanzoitika muvarume. Nepo kutsvagurudza kwekare kuchiratidza kuti varume vane mukana wakakura wekubuda mupfungwa kubva mukukurukurirana kwakaoma zvichienzaniswa nevakadzi, inhema yekuti inongova "mukomana chinhu"

Chero ani zvake anogona kupa fudzi rinotonhora. Inowanzove nzira yekudzivirira inodzidziswa muhudiki.

Zvakaipa zvechokwadi here?

Zvinogona kutaridzika kunge chinhu hombe, asi kuramba kutaura inogona kuve nyaya yakakomba munzira dzinoverengeka.

Iyo inogadzira pfungwa yekuzviparadzanisa

Stonewalling inoparadzanisa imi vaviri pane kukuunzai pamwe chete kugadziriso.

Zvinogona kupedza hukama

Kunyangwe zvikakonzera kunzwa kwekusununguka panguva iyoyo, kugara uchiongorora itsika inokuvadza inozopedzisira yashatisa hukama hwenyu. Sekureva kwevaongorori veGottman Institute, apo vakadzi madziro ematombo, zvinowanzove fungidziro yekurambana.

Inogona kukanganisa hutano hwako

Kana iwe uri mutengesi wematombo, unogona kusangana nekupinduka panyama, senge kukwidziridzwa kwemwoyo uye kufema nekukurumidza.

Mumwe akaona kuti kudzima pamoyo panguva yehondo kwakabatana nemusana kana mhasuru dzakasimba.

Icho chimiro chekushungurudza here?

Paunenge uchiedza kuona kana hunhu hwashanduka hune hutsinye, zvakakosha kutarisa chinangwa.

Mumwe munhu anorovera pamabwe kazhinji anonzwa asingakwanise kuratidza manzwiro avo uye "anokuomesa" senzira yekuzvidzivirira.

Kune rimwe divi, kupwanya matombo kunogona kushandiswa kugadzira kusaenzana kwemagetsi nekutendera mumwe munhu kuti asarudze kuti uchataurirana riini uye sei.

Ramba uine ziso kana maitiro avo ave maitiro ekunyengera anoderedza kuzviremekedza kwako kana kukuita kuti unzwe kutya uye kusava netariro.

Kana kurapwa kwavo chinyararire kukava kwemaune nechinangwa chekukuvadza iwe, iri mureza mutsvuku wakajeka ivo vari kuyedza kutonga hukama.

Pane chero nzira yekushanda nayo?

Kuvaka matombo hazvireve kuti ndiko kuguma kwehukama, asi kunzwa kwakachengeteka kana kutaurirana kuchikosha. Hedzino dzimwe nzira dzekudzosera kutaurirana.

Dzivisa kupwanya

Zvakakosha kuti usave neruvengo kana kumanikidza mumwe munhu kuti avhure, kunyanya kana ivo vari kutonzwa kunetseka.

Pane kudaro, zvinyararire ita kuti vazive kuti unoda kunzwa zvavanotaura. Kutora nguva yekunyatsoteerera kunogona kubatsira kusimudzira hurukuro yakaoma.

Tora nguva

Kana matombo ekumusoro akauya, zvakanaka kuti mupe mvumo yekuzorora. Izvi zvinogona kukubatsira imi mese kunzwa kusimbiswa uye kuchengetwa.

Kunyangwe iwe uri munhu anofarira kudzoka kana ari mumwe wako, kubvumira iyo nzvimbo yekuzorora nguva inogona kukubatsira imi vaviri kudzivisa kukurirwa panguva yekukonana.

Tsvaga rubatsiro kubva kune anokwanisa kurapwa

Kusvikira kune vakaroorana varapi pakutanga ingangove nzira yekudzamisa kubatana kwako uye kukurudzira nzira dzine hutano dzekutaurirana.

Murapi anogona zvakare kubatsira imi mose kuongorora zvikonzero zvekunyarara kweumwe wako. Ivo vanokwanisa kushandira pakuvabatsira ivo zviri nani kuti vataure manzwiro avo uye kukurira kukakavara.

Ramba uchifunga kuti hukama inzira mbiri-nzira uye inoda kuvhurika kune rwekunze rubatsiro kubva kune vese vaviri vaviri.

Chinokosha

Isu tese tinoda kuzorora nguva nenguva, kunyanya kana zvasvika pakubata nekutaura kwakaomarara. Asi kuramba kuita nhaurirano dzinobudirira, kunyangwe idzo dzakaomesesa, hazvingabatsire chero munhu.

Kune nzira dzekushanda dzakatenderedza mabwe. Asi kana zvikaita sekunge chikamu chemhando yakakura yekumanikidza, inogona kunge iri nguva yekufungisisa zvinhu.

Cindy Lamothe mutori wenhau anoshanda akazvimirira anogara kuGuatemala. Anonyora kazhinji nezve mapindano pakati pehutano, hutano, uye sainzi yekuzvibata kwevanhu. Akanyorerwa The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, uye zvimwe zvakawanda. Mutsvage pa cindylamothe.com.