Kuvhiyiwa Kwakachinja Muviri Wemuviri Wangu Nekusingaperi

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Pandakaziva kuti ndaida kuvhiyiwa mudumbu pachena kuti ndibvise bundu rakakura pahwendefa remukaka kubva muchibereko changu, ndakapererwa. Kwaisava kukanganisa kwaigona kuita uku pambereko yangu kwaindishungurudza. Raiva vanga racho.

Kuvhiyiwa kubvisa ichi chakaipa, asi chikuru, huremu hunenge hwakafanana nekuve neC-chikamu. Semumwe mukadzi, ane makore makumi matatu nemaviri ekuberekwa, ndakachema chokwadi chekuti murume anotevera achindiona ndisina kupfeka aisazove akavimbisa kuti achandida mukurwara uye mune hutano, kana kunyange mukomana akanaka anoverenga ndakarara pandaiva ndapora. Ndakanzwa kuvenga kuita kunge ndaita mwana ini chandaive ndave nebundu chairo.

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Ini ndanga ndagara ndakangwarira kwazvo kuti ndisakuvara, kuronga hupenyu hwakasiya ganda rangu rakanaka risina kusvibiswa nekusvibiswa zvachose. Chokwadi, ndakanga ndiine mavanga madiki nemavanga muhupenyu hwangu. Kuremara. Tan mitsetse. Asi aya mavanga asingagamuchirwe aive echinguvana. Ndakaona vanga raiuya pamutsetse webhikini rangu sepakatsemuka pabhonzo china, kusakwana kusingadiwe kwaizoita kuti nditaridzike uye ndinzwe sechinhu chakakuvadzwa.

Mushure mehupenyu hwese ndichivenga muviri wangu, ini ndaingoti ndatanga kunzwa kugadzikana muganda rangu chairo. Mugore rapfuura, ndakarasikirwa nemapaunzi makumi mana, ndichizvishandura zvishoma nezvishoma kubva kuXL kuenda kuXS. Pandakatarisa mugirazi, ndainzwa ndichikwezva uye ndiri munhukadzi kekutanga muupenyu hwangu. Zvino, humwe husiku pandakanga ndakarara pamubhedha, ndakanzwa kufamba-famba mudumbu mangu-rakasimba zizi richibuda kubva kune rimwe hudyu pfupa kuenda kune rimwe.

Pakuonekwa kwangu, ndakanetseka nezvekupinda kwekuvhiya uye nemavhiki marefu ekudzoka ari pamberi. Ndingadai ndisina kumbobvira ndave pasi pebanga uye zvakandityisa kufunga nezvejecha rechiremba richindicheka nekuvhura nhengo dzangu dzemukati. Vachitindivadza, vainamira chubhu pahuro pangu vopinza catheter. Zvese zvaiita sehutsinye uye kutyora mutemo. Chokwadi chokuti iyi yakanga iri nzira yenguva dzose, uye yaizoporesa muviri wangu, yakanga isiri nyaradzo. Ndakanzwa kurasiswa nechibereko changu.

Pakati pekunetseka kwese uku, mavanga akanyanya kundishungurudza. Ndichifunga nezvekusangana kwerudo mune ramangwana, ndaiziva kuti ndaizonzwa ndichimanikidzwa kutsanangura mavanga-uye kutaura kwebundu hakusi kweseki. Wandaimbova mukomana wangu, Brian, akaedza kundinyaradza; akandivimbisa kuti mucherechedzo uyu haungaite kuti ndinyanye kukwezva mumaziso emuchato weramangwana, uyo angazondida ini-mavanga nezvose. Ndakaziva kuti aitaura chokwadi. Asi kunyangwe kana uyu mukomana wekufungidzira aisazoita hanya, ini ndakadaro. Ndingagone here kunyatsoda muviri wangu zvakare?

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Mumavhiki akatungamira kukuvhiya kwangu, ndakaverenga Angelina Jolie-Pitt op-ed mukati Iyo New York Times, achirondedzera kubviswa kwemazai ake nemachubhu e fallopian nguva pfupi yapfuura. Yakanga iri yekutevera kune chidimbu chaakanyora zvine mukurumbira nezvesarudzo yake yekuvhiyiwa kaviri mastectomy-kuvhiyiwa kwese nemhedzisiro yakakomba kupfuura yangu. Akanyora kuti zvainge zvisiri nyore, "Asi zvinokwanisika kutora kutonga uye kugadzirisa musoro-pane chero hutano nyaya," achiwedzera kuti mamiriro akadai anga ari chikamu chehupenyu uye "hapana chinofanira kutyiwa." Mashoko ake akange ari mushonga wekunyaradza kutya kwangu uye kusava nechokwadi. Nemuenzaniso wakanaka, akandidzidzisa zvazvinoreva kuva mukadzi akasimba; mukadzi ane mavanga.

Ndaive ndichiri kuda kuchema kushaya kwemuviri wangu sezvandaiziva. Zvainzwa zvakakosha kukwanisa kuenzanisa yekutanga uye shure. Wandaigara naye akati aida kutora mifananidzo, mandaizove ndakashama zvizere. "Une muviri wakanaka chose," akadaro ndichibva ndaregedzera jira rangu jena rejira. Haana kunyatsoongorora chimiro changu kana kuisa pfungwa dzake pane zvandaikanganisa. Ko sei ndaisaona muviri wangu sezvaaiita?

Pakumuka kubva pakuvhiyiwa, chinhu chokutanga chandakabvunza chakanga chiri chekukura chaiko kwebundu racho. Kungofanana nevacheche vari muchibereko, mamota anowanzo fananidzwa nemichero uye miriwo kuti ape nyore chimiro chekutarisa. Honeydew melon inosvika masentimita gumi nematanhatu pakureba. Bundu rangu raiva nemakore 17. Amai vangu vakafunga kuti ndaitamba pandakavamanikidza kuti vafambe kuenda kuchitoro chegirosa chaiva pedyo kunotenga dovi reuchi kuitira kuti nditore pikicha yangu ndichiibata semwana achangoberekwa ari pamubhedha muchipatara. Ini ndaida rutsigiro uye ndaida kuubvunza nenzira yakapfava nekutumira faux chizvarwa chiziviso paFacebook.

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Vhiki nhanhatu post-op, ndakabviswa kuti nditangise zviitiko zvakajairika, kusanganisira bonde. Pamabiko ezuva rekuzvarwa reshamwari yangu pitbull, Celeste, ndakapedza husiku hwese ndichikurukura neshamwari yeshamwari yaingova mutaundi kwevhiki. Aive nyore kutaura naye uye muteereri akanaka. Takataura nezvekunyora, hukama, uye kufamba. Ndakamuudza nezvekuvhiyiwa kwangu. Akanditsvoda mukicheni sezvo mutambo wacho wainge wave kupera, uye paakabvunza kana ndaida kuenda kune imwe nzvimbo, ndikati hongu.

Patakasvika pane yake hotera yekutengesa zvinhu muBeverly Hills, ndakamuudza kuti ndaida kugeza ndikapinda mune huru, chena yekugezera. Kuvhara gonhi kumashure kwangu, ndakambotura befu. Ndakatarisa kuratidzwa kwangu mugirazi apo ini ndaikumura. Ndakashama, kusara kwekajara kanonzi Scar Away kaivhara mudumbu mangu, ndakatora imwe mweya wekufema ndokubvarura tambo yesilicone kure nemuviri wangu, ndichifumura mutsetse mutete, wepingi. Ndakaramba ndakamira ndakatarisa muviri wainge wakandiratidza kumashure, padumbu pangu painge pazvimba uye vanga randanga ndichiona zuva nezuva kuti ndione zviri nani. Ndakazvitarisa mumaziso angu, ndichitsvaga kusimbiswa. Wakasimba kudarika zvaunotarisa.

"We need to take it slow," ndakamuudza. Ndakanga ndisingazivi kuti ndaizonzwa sei kana kuti muviri wangu waigona kubata zvakadii. Aive neruremekedzo uye akaramba achitarisa neni kuti aone kana ndaive zvakanaka, uye ndakaita. "Une muviri mukuru," akadaro. "Chokwadi?" Ndakabvunza. Ndakada kupikisa-asi vanga, kuzvimba. Akandigura ndisati ndaita nharo uye ini ndikarega rumbidzo ruchiuya paganda rangu, padumbu, uye muhudyu. "Vanga rako rakanaka," akadaro. Haana kuti, "Hazvina kushata kudaro," kana, "Zvichapera," kana "Hazvina basa." Akati kwaitonhorera. Haana kundibata senge ndakatyoka. Aindibata semunhu, munhu anoyevedza mukati nekunze.

Ndakapedza nguva yakawandisa ndichishushikana nezvekushushikana nemumwe munhu mutsva, asi ruzivo rwacho rwakanga rwuchipa simba. Kwaiva kusunungura, kurega pfungwa yokuti ndaifanira kutarisa kune imwe nzira kuti ndionekwe.

Nguva inotevera pandakamira ndisina kupfeka pamberi pegirazi rekugezera, ndakanzwa zvakasiyana. Ndakaona ndave kunyemwerera. Iyo vanga raizoramba richipora, uye saizvozvowo ndaizo-asi handina kuzozvivenga zvakare. Yakanga isingacharatidziki sechikanganiso, asi vanga rehondo, chiyeuchidzo chokuzvikudza chesimba rangu nokutsunga. Ndakanga ndapinda mune chimwe chinhu chinoshungurudza ndikapona. Ndakanga ndakatarisa pakurwadziwa zvekuti ndakanga ndisingakwanise kuziva uye kukoshesa kugona kwemuviri wangu kupora.

Diana anogara kuLos Angeles uye anonyora nezve chimiro chemuviri, zvekunamata, hukama, uye bonde. Bata naye pawebhusaiti yake, Facebook, kana Instagram.

Ichi chinyorwa chakatanga kubuda paRefinery29.

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