Hezvinoi Icho Choukama hwePolamoriyamu Chaizvo Chaicho-uye Chii Chisiri

Zvemukati

• Ndeipi tsananguro ye polyamorous?
• Ukama hwakawanda-hukama - hukama hwakavhurika
• Humwe hukama hwepoly hune "chimiro" asi vamwe vasina
• Vanhu vechero murume kana murume, zvebonde, uye hukama chinzvimbo zvinogona kuve zvakawanda
• Kwete, kuva poly hakusi "kutsva maitiro"
• Polyamorous kufambidzana hakusi kungoiswa chete
• Asi, chokwadi, zvepabonde zvinogona kuva chikamu chayo
• Polyamorous hukama *haisi* yekuzvipira-phobes
• Kana iwe uchida kuyedza polyamorous kufambidzana, unofanirwa kuita tsvagiridzo yako
• Ongororo ye

Bethany Meyers, Nico Tortorella, Jada Pinkett Smith, naJessamyn Stanley vese vakashongedzwa neAF, vanamuzvinabhizinesi vakashata vanogadzira masaisai pasocial feeds. Asi vane chimwe chinhu chakafanana: Vese vanozivisa se polyamorous.

Parizvino iwe ungangodaro wakanzwa nezve "polyamory" uye "polyamorous hukama." Asi unoziva zvadzinoreva here? Kunze kwekunge iwe uriwo poly, Stanely anoti pamwe haudi. Mune yazvino Instagram Nhau, akati, "Polyamory inovhiringidzika nekuda kuita bonde kana kuda kurara nevanhu vazhinji vakasiyana, izvo chaizvo hazvisi izvo." (Yakabatana: Maitiro Ekuita Hutano Hwoukama Hwepabonde)

Saka chii chiri hukama hwehukamachaizvoizvo nezve? Kuti tizive, takabvunza nevadzidzisi vebonde vane hunyanzvi mune yetsika isiri-yemurume mumwe. Pano, ivo vanotsanangura simba re polyamory uye kubvisa zvimwe zvakajairika zvisirizvo zvakakomberedza.

Ndeipi tsananguro ye polyamorous?

Shamwari yedu Merriam Webster anoti izwi rekuti "polyamory" rinoreva vanhu vanobatanidzwa muukama hwerudo hunopfuura humwe panguva. Nepo OK kutanga, zvepabonde uye polyamory vadzidzisi vanoti tsananguro iyi inopotsa imwendima chikamu chakakosha: mvumo.

"Polyamory chimiro chehukama chine hunhu, chakavimbika, uye chinotenderwa chinotibvumidza kuita hukama hwakawanda (hwakawanda), hune rudo (rudo)," anodaro mudzidzisi wezvebonde anofarira uye mutsigiri wezvebonde, Lateef Taylor. "Chikamu chemvumo pano chakakosha." Saka kunyangwe paine pangave nehukama hwepedyo uye / kana hukama hwepabonde zvichiitika panguva imwe chete, munhu wese (!!) akabatanidzwa anoziva kuti aya ndiwo hukama hwekushinha uripo.

Ongorora: Kana iwe wakambove mune yakazvipira murume mumwe hukama uye kubiridzira kana kubiridzirwa, ziva kuti ndizvokwete polyamory. "Kubiridzira hunhu hunogona kuitika mune chero hukama hwehukama nekuti chero bhurugwa muzvibvumirano kana muganho wehukama," anotsanangura kudaro mudzidzisi wezvepabonde uye chiremba wepfungwa ane rezinesi Liz Powell, Psy.D, munyori weKuvaka Hukama Hukama: Maoko Ako-Pana Gwara Kunzeya, Polyamory, & Beyond.Dudziro: Kuzvidaidza kuti "poly" haisi yekupfuura yemahara iwe kana mumwe wako kuti ubatane nechero waunoda.

Ukama hwakawanda-hukama - hukama hwakavhurika

Mazhinji mazwi asiri ehukama ehukama anowanzo kuvhiringika uye kuvhiringika. Zvepabonde uye hukama hukama mudzidzisi Sarah Sloane, anga achidzidzisa bonde matoyi emakirasi paGood Vibrations uye Pleasure Chest kubva 2001, anotsanangura kuti vanobvumirana vasina-mukadzi mumwe (dzimwe nguva vanonzi vane hunhu vasina-murume-mumwe) vanovharazvese zveizvi.

Pamwe wakambonzwa izwi rekuti "queer" rinotsanangurwa sezwi remburera? Zvakanaka, Sloane anoti "kubvumirana kusiri kwemurume mumwechete kunoshandawo seshamburera izwi, futi." Pasi peiyo amburera pane mamwe marudzi ehukama husina-monogamous, kusanganisira hukama hwepolamor, pamwe nekusvetuka, hukama hwakavhurika, zviputi, nezvimwe.

Mirira, saka ndeupi musiyano pakati pe polyamorous uye yakavhurika hukama? "Aya mazwi ehukama anogona kureva zvinhu zvakasiyana zvishoma kune vanhu vakasiyana," anotsanangura kudaro Sloane. Kazhinji, hazvo, "kana mumwe munhu akashandisa chirevo 'polyamorous,' vari kuchishandisa kutsanangura hukama hunodanana uye hunodanana, zvinopesana nezvebonde chete," anodaro. Vhura hukama, kune rimwe divi, hunowanzo sanganisira kuva nemumwe wako waunonyanya kusvina / wako boo chinhu / wako waunofambidzana naye / wako huchi, uye vamwe vanyowani vari ~ zvebonde chete ~. Zvichitaurwa zviri nyore, nepo hukama hwakavhurika uye hukama hwepolyamorous ese ari maviri maitiro ehunhu husiri hwemurume mumwe chete, hukama hwepolyamorous kazhinji hune kamuri yekupokana kweanopfuura imwe manzwiro ekubatana. (Yakabatana: 6 Zvinhu Zvevanhu Vanodanana Vanogona Kudzidza Kubva Kuvhura Ukama)

Ingo rangarira: "Kuti uone zvinorehwa nemumwe munhu kana achiti ari muhukama hwe polyamorous, vabvunze, nekutizvinoita zvinoreva zvinhu zvakasiyana kuvanhu vakasiyana, "anodaro Sloane.

Humwe hukama hwepoly hune "chimiro" asi vamwe vasina

Sezvo pasina hukama huviri hwemurume mumwe chete hwakafanana, kana hukama hune hukama hwakakura. "Kune nzira dzakawanda dzakasiyana dzekuva nehukama hwepedyo nevanhu vakawanda, saka kune nzira dzakawanda dzehukama hwepolyamorous dzinogona kuratidza uye kutamba," anodaro Amy Boyajian, CEO uye co-muvambi weWild Flower, online innovative hutano hwepabonde uye mukuru. store.

Sloane anotsanangura kuti vamwe vanhu vanotevera hukama hwehukama umo vanobatana vanoonekwa se "primary," "secondary," "yepamusoro," zvichingodaro, zvichibva padanho rekuzvipira rinobatanidzwa. “Vamwe havazoshandisa mazita echinyakare, asi kuti vanoronga ‘kukosha’ kwehukama hwavo maererano nezvavari kugara naye, vane vana, nezvimwewo,” anodaro. Nekune rimwe divi, vamwe vanhu vanodzivirira "kuisa" vanhu vavanenge vachiyemura uye kuitiswa, anowedzera Sloane.

Kuenzanisa chimiro chehukama (kana kushomeka kwayo) chinoshanda zvakanyanya kwauri kunoda kuti uzvinzwisise iwe uye izvo zvaunoda kubva kuhukama hwako, anodaro Boyajian. "Iwe unofanirwa kufunga zvakadzama pamusoro pezvaunonzwa wakasununguka nazvo, izvo zvaunoda, uye wozokwanisa kutaura zvinhu izvozvo kune vaunoshanda navo uye vaungango shanda navo."

Vanhu vechero murume kana murume, zvebonde, uye hukama chinzvimbo zvinogona kuve zvakawanda

"Ani naani anotenda uye akazvipira kuve nehukama husina murume mumwe anogona kuongorora rudo urwu," anodaro Taylor.

BTW, iwe unogona zvakare kuve usina kuroora uye kuzivisa sepoly. Unogona kutorara nemunhu kana kudanana nemunhu mumwe chete uyezvakadaro Ziva se poly. "Kuzivikanwa sepoly hazvireve iwenguva dzose kuva nevadiwa vakawanda panguva imwe chete,” anodaro Boyajian, “Zvakangofanana nokuva pansexual. Iwe uchiri pansexual kunyangwe usiri kufambidzana kana kurara nemunhu!

Kwete, kuva poly hakusi "kutsva maitiro"

Polyamory inogona kuita sechimwe chinhu ~ vese vana vanotonhorera vari kuita ~ asi ine nhoroondo yakapfuma. "Zvizvarwa zvemo uye vanhu vanoshamisira vanga vachizviita kwemakore akawanda," anodaro Powell. "Uye patinoidaidza kuti" maitiro ", tinobvisa nhoroondo yevakasiyana vanhu vanga vachiita tsika dzisiri dzekuti murume ave mumwe chete munhoroondo yese, vachena vekuWest vasati vatanga kuzviita."

Saka nei zvichiita sekunge changoerekana chiri chinhu chiri kuitwa nemunhu wese? Kutanga, zorora. Kwetemunhu wose ari kuzviita. Nepo kumwe kuongorora kwakaratidza kuti vangangoita 21 muzana yevaAmerica vakaedza kubvumirana vasina-murume mumwe pane imwe nguva muhupenyu hwavo, imwe sosi inoti chete 5 muzana yevanhu ndivoparizvino muhukama husina-murume mumwe. Nekudaro, iyo yazvino dhata iri ingangoita makore maviri ekuberekwa, saka nyanzvi dzinoti iyo muzanaChivabvu kuve wakakwirira zvishoma.

Sloane anopawo yake fungidziro: "Sevanhu, tinogona kunge tiri munzvimbo yatiri kutaura zvakawanda pamusoro pechinonzi rudo nehukama," anodaro. "Uye nekuwanda kwekukurukurirana kwatinoita nezve polyamory, vanhu vazhinji vanokwanisa kuzvifunga ivo vega." (Zvakabatana: Chikonzero Chinoshamisa Vakadzi Vanoda Kurambana Kupfuura Varume)

Polyamorous kufambidzana hakusi kungoiswa chete

Pane fungidziro isiriyo yekuti polyamory iri pamusoro pekuda kana chishuwo chekuita bonde nevanhu vazhinji, Stanley achangobva kugovaniswa pa Instagram. Asi "iko kungori kutendeseka kwakanyanya," akanyora kudaro.Sezvo Powell anotsanangura: "Polyamory haisi yepabonde, ndeyekuda (kana tsika) yekuda kuva nehukama huzhinji hune rudo."

Muchokwadi, dzimwe nguva bonde harisi patafura. Semuenzaniso, vanhu vanoziva seasexual (zvichireva kuti havawani chishuwo chekuita bonde) vanogona kuve muhukama hwehukama, zvakare, anodaro mudzidzisi wepabonde Dedeker Winston, munyori weNhungamiro yaMusikana Musikana kuPolyamory. "Kune vanhu vane asexual, polyamorous inovabvumira kukudziridza hukama hwakapoteredza kuzvipira, kushamwaridzana, kugoverana tsika, uye zviitiko zvakagoverana nemumwe kana shamwari, asi vachiri kubvumira kuti mudiwa wacho ave zvepabonde."

Asi, chokwadi, zvepabonde zvinogona kuva chikamu chayo

"Polyamory iri pamusoro pekugadzira hukama hwehukama hunoshanda iwe, saka bonde rinogona kunge riri iro rekutanga kutyaira kana kungori chinhu," anodaro mudzidzisi wezvebonde uye munzveri wezvevakadzi Ren Grabert, M.Ed. (BTW: Kana iwe uchifunga poly = nyonganiso nguva dzese, fungidzira zvakare. Chokwadi, bonde reboka rinogona kupota richitora chikamu charo. Asi icho hachisi chinhu chinotsanangudza chehukama hwehukama.)

Uye kana bondendizvo chikamu chayo, Boyajian anoti kutaurirana kwakatenderedza tsika dzepabonde dzakachengeteka uye chinzvimbo cheSTI kwakakosha. "Muri kushandisa dziviriro nevadikani venyu vese here? Pane boka renyu ramuri mumwe chete saka hamushandisi zvipingamupinyi here? Muri kushandisa dziviriro nevadikani vese asi mumwechete, wamunonyungudika naye?" Mashoko aya anofanirwa kubvumirana pasati paitika kusangana pabonde uye inofanira kunge iri nhaurirano inoenderera. (Heano maitiro ekubvunza mumwe wako kana vaine bvunzo dzeSDD.)

Polyamorous hukama *haisi* yekuzvipira-phobes

Pane fungidziro yekuti kuve polyamorous kwakafanana ne "yakaipa pakuzvipira." Ndiyo hogwash. Muchokwadi, Taylor anoti poly inoda aton yekuzvipira-kwauri uye kune vanhu vauri kuona. "Funga nezvazvo: Kuve muhukama nevanhu vakawanda kunoda kuzvipira kune vanhu vauri kufambidzana navo kana kuona nekuvakudza uye miganhu yehukama hwako."

Muchokwadi, kana ukatanga kufambidzana polyamorously chaizvonekuti unotya kuzvipira, hukama hwako hungangokundikana, anodaro Powell. "Izvo zvinowanzoitika ndezvekuti vanhu vanoguma vaunza kuzvipira-kwavo-uye nenyaya dzinouya nazvo-muhukama hwakawanda, panzvimbo pehumwe chete." Shinda.

Kana iwe uchida kuyedza polyamorous kufambidzana, unofanirwa kuita tsvagiridzo yako

Zvichida iwe wagara uchida kuongorora polyamory. Pamwe zvakatumirwa naStanely zvine rudo kune vamwe vake mushure metsaona yebhasikoro ("Ndiri kunzwawo f * cking ndichionga vamwe vangu uye nzira yavakandibata nayo mumwe nemumwe nezuro manheru / mangwanani ano") zvakakonzera kufarira kwako. Kana kuti zvimwe unongoda kuziva nezveremangwana. Chero chingave chikonzero, kana iwe-kana iwe nemumwe / muchida kuyedza polyamory, iwe unofanirwa kuita tsvagiridzo yako.

Kudos, chinyorwa ichi chakakosha. Asi kana urichaizvoizvo kutarisa kufambidzana polyamorously, hazvina kukwana. "Kuita tsvakiridzo nezvehukama hwepolyamorous, miganhu mukati mehukama ihwohwo, uye zvauri kutsvaga kubva ku polyamorous kufambidzana kwakakosha," anodaro Grabert.

Nezve izvo, nyanzvi dzakabvunzwa dzine mazano anotevera:

• Multiamory Podcast
• Kana Mumwe Munhu Waunoda Ari Polyamorous rakanyorwa naElizabeth Sheff, Ph.D.
• Kuvaka Hukama Hwakavhurika: Maoko Ako-PaNhungamiro Yekuswinging, Polyamory, & Beyondrakanyorwa naLiz Powell, Psy.D.
• Ethical Slut: Inoshanda Inotungamira kuPolyamory, Kuvhura Ukama, uye Dzimwe Rusununguko rakanyorwa naJanet W. Hardy naDossie Easton
• Zvinopfuura Zviviri: Nhungamiro kune Ethical Monogamy naFranklin Veaux naEve Ricket
• Iyo Poly.Land blog
• Iyo SoloPoly blog

Ongororo ye