Vadiwa Vabereki, Kushushikana muVana Chinetso Chakakomba

Zvemukati

• Kune vamwe vana vari kurarama nekushushikana nhasi?
• Sei vana vachishushikana zvakadaro?
• Kubatsira mwana wako kutsungirira kusagadzikana kusagadzikana
• Batsira nekushushikana
  

Holly, * anokanda mumiririri muAustin, Texas, aive nedambudziko rekusununguka mushure mekusununguka nemwana wake wekutanga, Fiona, ave nemakore mashanu. Nhasi, Holly anotora mishonga kuti agadzirise kushushikana uye kushushikana. Asi zvakare anonetsekana kuti kufunganya rimwe zuva kuchabata mwanasikana wake - nemwanakomana wake, izvozvi 3.

Holly anotsanangura kuti Fiona anogona kunyara uye kunamatira. "[Ini] ndakanga ndisina chokwadi kana izvo zvaive zvakajairika maitiro emwana kana chimwewo chinhu," anodaro Holly.

Zvakare, pakanga paine izvo zvino zvinodaidzwa naHolly "chiitiko." Mavhiki mashoma kukireshi gore rino, Fiona akarwadziwa panhandare pazororo uye akatumirwa kuna mukoti.

"Ndinofunga anga ari ega kwechinguva chidiki, uyezve haana kubvumidzwa kudzokera kuzororo," Holly anoyeuka. “Ndinofunga akanzwa asingachadzoreki, izvo zvakabva zvaratidza sekuti,‘ Ini handidi mukoti. ’Ipapo akange asingade kuenda kuchikoro, ndokutanga kudududza munzvimbo dzinoverengeka. Akange asisade zvekuenda kuchikoro chekubika, ndokutamba kirasi. Mazuva ese, kuenda kuchikoro kwakava kushungurudzwa, kuchema, kuchema. Zvakatora nguva kuti adzikame, ”anodaro.

Holly nemurume wake vakataura nemudzidzisi waFiona nemukoti. Asi mushure memavhiki mashoma, Holly akabvuma kuti iye haana maturusi akakodzera ekugadzirisa mamiriro acho ezvinhu. Akaendesa Fiona kuna chiremba wake, uyo akabvunza mwana mibvunzo yakati wandei. Chiremba wevana vake akabva apa zano amai vake achiti: "Ane zvimwe zvaanozvidya mwoyo nazvo."

Holly akawana kuendeswa kuna chiremba uye akatanga kutora Fiona kushanyo dzevhiki nevhiki. “Murapi ainakidza nemwanasikana wedu, uye aindifadza. Akandipa maturusi ekuti ndigone kutaura nemwanasikana wangu uye kundibatsira kunzwisisa zvaiitika, ”anodaro Hollys. Holly naFiona vakaramba vachiona murapi kwemwedzi mitatu, uye Fiona akaita shanduko inoshamisa nekuzvidya mwoyo kwake, anodaro Holly.

Achifunga nezvehutano hwake hwepfungwa hwepwere, Holly anoyeuka kuti, “Ndaivenga kukireshi. Ndakachema ndikachema ndikachema, uye chimwe chikamu changu chinoshamisika, Chii chandakaita kuti ndigadzire izvi? Akazvarwa nenzira iyi kana kuti ndiri kumuita anopenga? ”

Kune vamwe vana vari kurarama nekushushikana nhasi?

Holly haasi ega. Ndakabvunzurudza vabereki vanoverengeka avo vakagara nekuzvidya mwoyo, vana vavo vakaratidzirawo kuzvibata kunetseka.

Kuzvidya mwoyo muvana kunofungidzirwa kuwedzera zvakanyanya izvozvi kupfuura zvazvaive chizvarwa chakapfuura, anodaro Los Angeles-based mhuri Therapist Wesley Stahler. Anowedzera kuti pane zvakawanda zvakasiyana zvinhu zvinokachidza, kusanganisira genetics. "Vabereki vanowanzouya vachizvishora ivo pachavo nekuda kwemajini," anodaro Stahler. Asi muchokwadi, kune zvimwe zvirikutamba. "Pane mamiriro enhoroondo, achienzaniswa neepataive tiri vana," anotsanangura kudaro.

Wedzera kune izvo kukakavara pamusoro pezvematongerwo enyika kupatsanurana- uye kusarudzwa, uye kushushikana nhasi kunoratidzika kunge kwave kwakapararira nyaya yemhuri. Chiri kunyanya kukosha kuziva ndechekuti kusagadzikana kwekushushikana ndiko kwakanyanya kurwara nepfungwa muUnited States.

Kushushikana kunotsanangurwa sekusakwanisa kutsungirira kusagadzikana, Stahler anotsanangura, uye nekuona zvinhu zvisiri kukuvadza chaiko sekutyisidzira. Stahler anowedzera kuti 1 muvana vasere uye 1 muvakuru vana vane kushushikana. Kuzvidya mwoyo kunoratidzira munzira dzepanyama uye dzepfungwa, kusanganisira maronda, kuruma kwembambo, kusachinjika, uye kuoma nekuchinja.

Vanhu vanoona kurwira-kana-kupindura mhinduro kune izvo zvinoonekwa kutyisidzira. Kazhinji kushushikana muvana kunoonekwa zvisizvo sekushomeka kwekutarisa, anodaro Stahler, anogona kutaridzika sevana vasingagone kumira. Fidget spinner, chero ani?

Rachel *, mudzidzisi wegiredhi rechina-Los Angeles, anoti akapupurira chakakosha mukushushikana nekushushikana pakati pevadzidzi vake mumakore mashanu apfuura.

Nekuda kweizvozvo, Rachel achinja achiziva mazwi ake uye nzira dzekubata nadzo mhuri.

“Munguva yakapfuura, ndingadai ndakashandisa mazwi akaita sekutya, kunetseka, kubatikana kutsanangura kuti mwana angave akakurirwa sei mukirasi pamusoro pemamaki avo kana maonero avo ekuti vamwe vanovaona sei. Zvino, izwi kushushikana kunounzwa kune hurukuro nemubereki. Vabereki vanotaura kuti mwana wavo anochema, kwemazuva, dzimwe nguva, kana kuramba kutora chikamu, kana kutadza kurara, ”anotsanangura kudaro Rachel.

Brooklyn-based child psychologist Genevieve Rosenbaum akaona kuwedzera kwekushushikana pakati pevatengi vake pamusoro pemakore, futi. Gore rakapera, anodaro, "Ndanga ndine vashanu vepachikoro chepakati, vese vakateedzana, vese vaive nehutano hwekuita nezvechikoro. Ivo vese vaive neyakaipisisa huwandu hwekutya nezve kunyorera kuchikoro chepamusoro. Chaizvoizvo stereki. Inoratidzika kunge yakaipa zvakanyanya kupfuura zvayaiva pandakatanga kuita. ”

Sei vana vachishushikana zvakadaro?

Iwo ekutanga sosi yekushushikana, anodaro Stahler, zvakapetwa kaviri: hurembere wiring uye kuva mubereki. Taura zviri nyore, humwe huro hwakakomberedzwa nekuzvidya mwoyo kupfuura vamwe. Kana chiri chikamu chemubereki, pane hutachiona.

Kuzvidya mwoyo kunodzokera kumashure kusvika kuzvizvarwa zvitatu, anodaro Stahler, uyezve kune vabereki vemuenzaniso varikuratidzira vana vavo, sekushandisa zvakanyanya kwekuchenesa ruoko kana kubata nemajemusi.

Uyezve, nekuda kwekuwedzera kwe "tiger parenting uye kuwedzeredza, vana nhasi vane nguva shoma yekutamba - uye ndiwo mashandiro anoita vana zvinhu," anowedzera Stahler.

Ann, mubatsiri wezve musangano muPortland, Oregon, uyo ane makore gumi-ane kuzvidya mwoyo achitenderedza chiremba uye chiremba wemazino kushanya pamwe neane makore manomwe-ane kushushikana munharaunda, akaedza kudzora izvozvo nekutumira vana vake kuWaldorf Chikoro, chine mashoma midhiya uye nguva yakaringana pakati pemiti.

“Vana havasi kuwana nguva yakakwana mukusika. Vari kupedza nguva yakawandisa pazvigadzirwa, izvo zvinoshandura chimiro chehuropi, uye nyika yedu nhasi inogara ichingoputika njere, "anodaro Ann. "Hapana nzira iyo mwana anonzwisisa anogona kufamba pazvinhu zvese zvinouya kwavari nguva dzese."

Ann ane nhoroondo yekuvhunduka uye anouya kubva ku "mutsetse murefu wevanhu vanoziva," anotsanangura. Akaita basa rakawanda pakushushikana kwake - izvo zvakamubatsira kubata ake evana.

"Apo patakanga tiri vana, pakanga pasina mutauro wakakomberedza izvozvi," anowedzera Ann. Akatanga, uye anochengetedza, iyo hurukuro nevana vake kuti vasimbise kutya kwavo uye vabatsire kuvadzinga. “Ndinoziva zvinobatsira mwanakomana wangu kuziva kuti haasi ega, kuti ari kusangana nechiitiko chaicho [panguva yekushushikana]. Kwaari, zvinoshanda, ”anodaro.

Lauren, stylist wefashoni muLos Angeles, anoti akatsvaga uye akagamuchira rubatsiro rwakanyanya rwemhizha kumwanakomana wake wemakore gumi, uyo ane kushushikana. Pa3, akagashira kuongororwa kwekuve pane autism spectrum. Anoti, zvisinei nezvakakomberedza mamiriro ezvinhu, mwanakomana wake anogona kunge aigara achigashira chirwere ichi. Asi pane imwe nguva munhoroondo, anogona kunge asina kuwana rubatsiro rumwe chete rwaaida.

SaAnn, Lauren anotsanangura anogara achingwarira. “Kuita kwemhuri yangu kwagara kuri, uko kwaanoenda, achinyanyisa zvakare! Vabva vanzwisisa izvi zvakaoma, ”anodaro.

Mushure megore rapfuura nemudzidzisi mutsva, asina ruzivo uyo "akasimudzira mwanakomana wangu" - akapedza nguva yakati wandei muhofisi yemukuru wechikoro mushure mekuhwanda kakawanda pasi petafura yake - Mhuri yaLauren yakashandisa mhando dzakasiyana dzetsika nemimwe nzira yekurapa, kusanganisira neurofeedback, pamwe nekufungisisa uye shanduko yekudya. Mwanakomana wake akagadziridzwa zvirinani gore rino.

"Ini handigone kuita kuti mwana wangu atonhore, asi ndinogona kumudzidzisa maitiro ekugadzirisa," anodaro Lauren. Rimwe zuva gore rino apo mwanakomana wake akarasikirwa nechikwama chake, Lauren anoyeuka zvaive "sekunge ndanga ndazivisa mhuri yake yese kuti yauraiwa. Ndakamuudza kuti tinogona kuenda kuChivavarira ndomutorera imwe nyowani, asi aive ari mumuviri mukutya. Pakupedzisira, akapinda mukamuri rake, akaridza rwiyo rwake rwaanofarira pakombuta, ndokubuda ndokuti, 'Amai, ndave kunzwa zviri nani izvozvi.' "Icho chaive chekutanga, anodaro Lauren. Uye kukunda.

Kubatsira mwana wako kutsungirira kusagadzikana kusagadzikana

Mushure mekubvuma kuti nyaya dzemhuri dzakasiyana, Stahler anoti pane maturusi ekurwisa aanokurudzira vabereki vane vana vanoratidza zviratidzo kana kuti vakawana chirwere chekushushikana kwepfungwa.

Batsira nekushushikana

• Gadzira tsika dzezuva nezuva paunotarisa kugona kwevana vako.
• Ziva hushingi uye bvuma kuti zvakanaka kuti utye uye uite chimwe chinhu zvakadaro.
• Simbisazve tsika dzako dzemhuri. Semuenzaniso, "Mumhuri iyi, tinoedza chimwe chinhu chitsva mazuva ese."
• Wana nguva yekuzorora mazuva ese. Cook, verenga, kana kutamba bhodhi mutambo. Usatore nguva yekuvhara.
• Rovedza muviri nguva dzose; Stahler anosimbirira maminetsi makumi maviri esipo rekumira cardio inogona kugadzirisa mafungiro ako.
• Tsvaga rubatsiro rwehunyanzvi pazvinenge zvichidikanwa nemumwe munhu anogona kukurukura kuti mishonga ingangokodzera mwana wako here.

Kuti uwane rumwe rubatsiro pamusoro pekushushikana uye kushushikana, shanyira Kushushikana uye Kushushikana Association yeAmerica. Nguva dzose tsvaga rubatsiro rwehunyanzvi usati watanga chero marapirwo.

Mazita akachinjwa kuchengetedza zvakavanzika zvevanopa.

Liz Wallace is an Brooklyn-based munyori uye mupepeti uyo akaburitswa munguva pfupi yapfuura muThe Atlantic, Lenny, Domino, Architectural Digest, uye ManRepeller. Mavhidhiyo anowanikwa pa elizabethannwallace.wordpress.com.