Uri wega here kana kuti wakasurukirwa?

Zvemukati

• Ongororo ye

Hazvishamise kuti vazhinji vedu tinozviwana tiri toga kusurukirwa. Hatizive vavakidzani vedu, tinotenga nekushamwaridzana paInternet, hatimboita senge tine nguva yakakwana yeshamwari dzedu, tinoshanda takasununguka takapfeka mahedhifoni anoita kuti nyika ibude, tinosvetuka kubva pabasa kuenda kune rimwe basa, guta neguta.

"Vanhu vazhinji nhasi vari kupedzisira vasurukirwa," anodaro Jacqueline Olds, MD, mutevedzeri wepurofesa wezvepfungwa paHarvard Medical School uye munyori webhuku. Kukunda Kusurukirwa Muhupenyu Hwezuva Nezuva (Birch Lane Press, 1996). "Chokwadi chekuti vanhu vanofamba zvakanyanya uye vane nguva shoma yekushandisa kuchengetedza hukama hwavo hunopedzisira hwave rudzi rwenjodzi."

Isu tinotogara isu pachedu: Muna 1998, gore razvino uno iro data riripo, 26.3 mamirioni eAmerica akararama vari vega - kubva pamamirioni 23 muna 1990 uye 18.3 mamirioni muna 1980. Tsika yedu yekuAmerica inosimbisa kukosha kwekuzvimirira, kuzvimiririra. , kuzvivimba. Asi pamutengo upi? Aya ndiwo maitiro akafanana anogona kutungamira kune kushoma kubatana nevamwe vanhu.

Nhasi, Olds vanoti, vazhinji vedu tinoita setiri kutambura nekunyanya kuzvimirira. Semuenzaniso wakanyanyisa, anotaura vechidiki vaviri vakaisa Columbine High School pamepu. Mumwe nemumwe wavo airatidzika sevanhu vakasurukirwa, anodaro, "uye vaigara vari pamupendero, hapana kana munhu akambovabvuma."

Chinhu chinowanzoitika ndeichi: Paunenge uri kusekondari uye kukoreji, unenge wakakomberedzwa nevakawanda vangangove shamwari dzako. Kwese kwaunotarisa, iwe unowana vanhu vezera rako vane mamiriro akafanana, zvavanofarira, zvinangwa uye zvirongwa. Hushamwari uye kushamwaridzana vane nguva yekuita jell. Asi kana ukangosiya ruzivo rwechikoro kumashure wopinda munyika yevakuru -- dzimwe nguva muguta idzva, nebasa idzva, rinoshungurudza pakati pevanhu vatsva - kutsvaga shamwari kunowedzera kusimba.

Chiseko chekusurukirwa

"Hapana munhu anoda kubvuma kuti vakasurukirwa," anodaro Olds. "Kusurukirwa chinhu vanhu vanoshamwaridzana nevanokundwa." Kunyangwe vari voga pachirongwa chekurapa, Vakwegura vanoti, varwere vake havadi kubvuma kuti vanonzwa kusurukirwa. "Vanhu vanouya pakurapwa vachinyunyuta nezvekuzviremekedza, kana dambudziko iri kusurukirwa. Asi havadi kuzvibhadharisa zvakadaro nekuti vanonyara. Ivo havangamboda kuti chero munhu azive kuti vanga vakasurukirwa, uye ivo handina kana ruzivo rwekuti vamwe vanhu vazhinji vanonzwa kusurukirwa, futi. "

Kusurukirwa chiseko chakadai, zvekuti vanhu vanozozvibata musarudzo dzisingazivikanwe, asi kana vakumbirwa kuti vataure mazita avo, vanosarudza kubvuma panzvimbo yekuti ivo vanozviriritira, kwete kusurukirwa. Nekudaro, kubvuma kuti uri wega - uye kuziva kuti kusurukirwa kwakanyanya - rinogona kuva danho rekutanga kugadzirisa dambudziko. Nhanho yako inotevera ndeyekuedza kusangana nevanhu vaune chimwe chinhu chakafanana navo.

Isu takanyanya kusurukirwa, asi zvakadaro hatisi toga

Kugadzira kubatana kutsva semunhu mukuru hakusi nyore sezvazvaive paunenge uri mudiki, saCarol Hildebrand weWellesley, Mass., Anopupura. Makore mashoma apfuura, paakanga ari mumakore ake ekutanga makumi matatu, Hildebrand akazviwana achinzwa kusurukirwa sezvo vazhinji veavo vaaifamba navo uye vaidzika musasa vaive vachiroora uye vachiita vana.

"Shamwari dzangu dzakange dzisisina nguva yekuenda kunodzika musasa munguva yechando," anodaro Hildebrand, mupepeti wemagazini yehunyanzvi hwebhizinesi munzvimbo yeBoston. "Hupenyu hwavo hwakanga hwachinja. Ndakanga ndichipererwa neshamwari dzaive dzisina kuroora uye dzaive nenguva neni," Hildebrand anodaro.

Vazhinji vedu mumakore edu makumi matatu takava nechiitiko chakafanana. Asi hazvigoneke kuita shamwari nyowani - iwe unofanirwa kungoziva kwekutarisa. Heano mamwe mazano ekuti ungabatana sei nevamwe uye maitiro ekuita hukama hwauinahwo hwakadzama:

1. Kumbira kubatsirwa kudiki. "Vazhinji vekuAmerica vanonzwa kusema kukumbira zvakanaka uye kutanga nzira yekudzokedzana yekubatsirana," inodaro Old Harvard. Asi kana iwe, uchiti, "kwereta shuga" kubva kune muvakidzani wako, iye achange achinyanya kukukumbira kuti udiridze mbeu dzake paanenge asipo. Nekufamba kwenguva, iwe unozouya uchivimba kune mumwe nemumwe kune zvimwe zvakanaka (kukwira kuenda kuairport?) Uye hushamwari hunogona kuumbwa.

2. Pamwe murume kana murume wako kana shamwari yako haifanirwe kunge iine makore makumi maviri nemasere, koreji-yakadzidza, isina kuroora, husiku hwehusiku zizi inoda Lyle Lovett, chikafu cheVietnamese uye kayaking yegungwa, senge iwe. Kuzvimisikidza iwe kune kopi yekabhoni yako zvinogona kureva kupotsa dzimwe shamwari huru. Iva akazaruka kuhushamwari nevanhu vemamwe mazera, vezvitendero, madzinza, zvaunofarira, zvaunofarira uye zvebonde.

3. Vakadzi vazhinji vanonzwa kusurukirwa nekuti havana zvavanofarira kupedza nguva yavo vega. Tora hobby iwe yaunogona kuita wega - kupenda, kusona, kushambira pamakumbo, kuridza piyano, kunyora mubhuku, kudzidza mutauro wekunze, kukwira makomo, kutora mifananidzo (munhu wese anofarira kuita chimwe chinhu) - kuti unzwe zvakanyanya kugadzikana kana uri wega. Uye yeuka izvi: Kana ukava nezvinhu zvakawanda zvokuzvivaraidza nazvo, unowedzera mukana wokugoverana zvinhu zvakafanana nevamwe uye uchawedzera kufarira shamwari itsva.

4. Chero chirongwa chakagovaniswa chinogona kutungamira kune hushamwari, saka sarudza chikonzero chaunotenda uye wotanga kuronga. Joinha mushandirapamwe wezvematongerwo enyika kana boka rezvakatipoteredza; fund-kusimudzira kwechipo; kuronga 10k; gadzira mubatanidzwa wekuchengeta vana nevamwe vanaamai; kuzvipira kubatsira munharaunda senge kudzidzisa vana kuverenga kana kuchenesa mapaki enzvimbo. Iwe unogona kuita hukama hwakadzama kana ukatenderedza vanhu vane pfungwa dzakafanana.

Rangarira izvi zvakare: Kuita shamwari kunotora nguva, saka sarudza chirongwa chenguva refu. (Unogonawo kutora kirasi kana kujoina kirabhu - hunyanzvi, mutambo, mitambo, tenesi, chero - kwaunosangana nevanhu vanogovana zvaunofarira.)

5. Bvunza mumwe munhu mukirasi yako yeyoga (kana hofisi kana chivako chefurati ... ) kunze kwekofi. Kana akati kwete, bvunza kana angade kuenda imwe nguva. Kana akati akanyanya kubatikana, usafunga kuti arikupa tuzvikonzero nekuti haakudi. Anogona kunge akabatikana zvakanyanya kuti awane shamwari nyowani. Enda kune mumwe munhu, uye usatora kurambwa uku pachako. Chero zvaungaita, zvakadaro, tanga zvidiki - usakoka mumwe munhu wawakangosangana naye kuti aende kuchikepe pamusoro pevhiki.

"Zviri nyore kwazvo kune wese munhu anobatanidzwa kana zvikafamba zvishoma," anodaro Mary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A., mudzidzisi wehutano hwepfungwa uye munyori we Bhuku Rekusurukirwa (Nyowani Harbinger Mabhuku, 2000). "Vanhu vakawanda vane nyaya dzekuvimbana. Vakambokuvadzwa neimwe nzira nemumwe munhu, saka vanodzokera kubva kune hushamwari huri kukura nekukurumidza."

6. Pane boka retsigiro remunhu wese -- vanaamai vatsva, vabereki vasina murume, zvidhakwa, varidzi vemabhizinesi madiki, vane chirwere cheshuga nevanodya zvakanyanya, kungodudza vashoma. Join one. Kana paine boka rinotsigira zvaunoda kana zvaunofarira, edza. Vakweguru vanopa maToastmasters, ayo ane zvitsauko mune angangoita mataundi ese muUnited States. Vatori vechikamu vanoungana pamwechete kugara vachidzidzira kutaura kwavo pachena. Toastmasters inokwezva vanhu veese mazera uye ese mafambiro ehupenyu, uye haina mutengo.Unogona kusangana nevanhu vakanaka nenzira iyi, Vakwegura vanodaro. Tarisa paWebhu; kana kuti kana usingakwanisi kuwana boka rakakodzera, funga kutanga rako.

7. Tsvaga murapi kuti uvake kuzviremekedza kwako. "Vanhu vanonzwa zvakashata pamusoro pavo vanowanzova nenguva yakaoma kusvika uye kuita shamwari uye kuva nevanhu, saka vanowanzove vakasurukirwa," Copeland anodaro. Kana uriwe iwe, tsvaga murapi anogona kukubatsira kuti uzvione wega zvakasiyana.

Kana ari Carol Hildebrand, akatsvaga kubatana kutsva munzvimbo mbiri. Kutanga, akabatana neAppalachian Mountain Club, iyo inotsigira mikwikwi uye zvimwe zviitiko zvekunze. Akatanga kutora nzendo - senge yekukwira gomo kwemazuva masere kuburikidza neMutungamiri President Range muNew Hampshire - kwaakasangana nevanhu vaaive navo zvinhu zvakawanda, kusanganisira rudo rwekunze kwekunze, zvakafanana.

Gare gare, iye akatora basa kungoitira kunakidzwa naro achishanda husiku hushoma pane yekunze-giya uye chitoro chembatya. Pakupedzisira, haana kungoita shamwari nyowani dzekufamba-famba (uye kuwana zvikwereti zvakakura pamagear), asi akaita hushamwari nemumwe munhu aigovana naye musasa munguva yechando - uye akazopedzisira ave murume wake.

Hutano hwako: Mari dzemweya wakasurukirwa

Vakadzi vese vanoda shamwari nevadikanwi vavanovimba navo, vokuudza, kunzwa vakasununguka chose. Pasina izvi zvakakosha kubatana kune vamwe vanhu, haisi mweya yedu chete inotambura; hutano hwedu hwepanyama hunodzikira, zvakare.

Tsvagiridzo yakaratidza kuti vanhu vane hukama hwemagariro husingasviki mana kusvika matanhatu (nemhuri, shamwari, mukwanyina, vavakidzani, vashandi pamwe navo, nezvimwewo) vane mukana wakapetwa kaviri wekubata dzihwa uye kakapetwa kana mukana wekuva nechirwere chemoyo.

Izvi zvinodaro nokuti kusurukirwa kunogona kukonzera kuchinja kwemakemikari mumuviri wako, zvichiita kuti uwedzere kurwara, anodaro Jeffrey Geller, MD, muongorori wekusurukirwa uye mutungamiriri wemishonga inobatanidza paLawrence Family Practice Residency Program muLawrence, Mass. Muviri wakasurukirwa uchasunungura. kushungurudzika mahormone (senge cortisol) ayo anodzvinyirira immune system.

"Kushaikwa kwerubatsiro rwemagariro kunowedzera kuisa munhu panjodzi yekurwara zvakakomba pamatanho akaenzana nekusvuta, kufutisa uye kushomeka kwekurovedza muviri," anodaro Ronald Glaser, Ph.D., purofesa we molecular virology, immunology uye yekurapa genetics kuOhio State University Medical Center.

Kana iwe wakasurukirwa, heino nzira iyo muviri wako - nepfungwa - zvinogona kutambura:

Iwe unenge usisina kugona kurwisa hutachiona nezvirwere zvakaita sehwahwa, furuwenza, maronda anotonhora, herpes uye mamwe hutachiona.

Uchave nehutachiona hwakanyanya hwehutachiona uye pamwe nekenza.

* Unogona kutambura nekuora mwoyo.

* Unonyanya kubata doro zvisina mwero uye kuzviuraya.

Ongororo ye