Vakadzi Vatema Vakasimba Vanotenderwa Kuva Nekushushikana, Zvakare

Zvemukati

• ‘Vanhu vatema havaore moyo’
• Kusuruvara kusingaperi
• Kugamuchirwa pakuraira
• Tora woenda nazvo

Ndiri mukadzi Mutema. Uye kazhinji, ini ndinoona ndiri kutarisirwa kuve nesimba risingagumi uye kusimba. Iyi tarisiro inoisa kumanikidza kukuru kwandiri kuti nditsigire iyo "Strong Nhema Mukadzi" (SBWM) persona iwe yaunowanzoona ichiratidzwa mune pop tsika.

Iyo SBWM ndeyekutenda kuti Vakadzi vatema vanogona kubata chero chinhu chinouya nenzira yavo chisina kuva nekukanganisa kwepamoyo pavari. Iyo SBWM inodzivirira vakadzi vatema kuratidza kusagadzikana uye inotiudza kuti "tisiyire pamusoro payo" uye "tiite" zvisinei nebasa repfungwa nepanyama.

Kusvikira nguva pfupi yadarika, zvakachengeteka kutaura kuti nzanga haina kubhadhara kutarisisa kune hutano hwepfungwa hwevanhu vemuAfrica -America. Asi nharaunda dzeVatema pamwe nenharaunda dzisiri dzeVatema dzakakonzera dambudziko iri.

Ongororo ichangoburwa inoratidza kuti iri boka rine gumi muzana muzana mukana wekurwira nehutano hwakakomba nenyaya dzevachena vasiri veSpanish. Pamwe pamwe nekwaniso yepamusoro yezvinhu, vatema vekuAmerica vanotaurawo mamwe emazinga epasi ekurapwa kwehutano hwepfungwa. Zvimiro zvetsika sekushorwa, masystemic senge kusaenzana kwemari, uye zvisaririra zvakaita seSBWM vese vanoita chinhanho mumatanho akaderera ekurapa pakati peVatema vekuAmerica.

Vakadzi vatema vanobata nezvakawanda zvakasarudzika zvemagariro zvinhu zvinogona kukanganisa hutano hwepfungwa. Semukadzi Mutema anoona nezve kushushikana uye kushushikana, ini ndinowanzo kunzwa "ndisina simba" nekuda kwekushomeka kwepamoyo. Asi sezvo ini ndichikura zvakanyanya mukunzwisisa kwangu kwehutano hwepfungwa, ndakaona kuti kurwira kwangu hakuregerere simba rangu.

Uye, zvakanyanya kukosha, kuti handifanirwe kugara ndakasimba. Kutaura kusagadzikana kunotora simba. Ini ndinogamuchira izvi nhasi, asi rwanga rwuri rwendo rurefu kusvika pano.

‘Vanhu vatema havaore moyo’

Ndakaziva kuti ndaive ndakasarudzika kutanga. Ndagara ndichigadzira uye ndagara ndiri mukutsvakisisa kweruzivo nguva dzose. Zvinosuruvarisa, semamwe magadzirirwo mazhinji munhoroondo, ini ndinowanzozviwana ndatarisana neakaora moyo. Kubvira paudiki, ini ndagara ndichiita kusuwa kwakanyanya. Kusiyana nevamwe vana, kusuruvara uku kwaiwanzoitika kamwe kamwe uye kusagadziriswa.

Pazera iro, ini ndaive ndisina kunzwisisa kwekushungurudzika, asi ndaiziva kuti zvainge zvisina kujairika kuchinja pakarepo kuti unzwe wakasununguka uchienda kune vega. Ini handina kunzwa izwi rekuti kushushikana kekutanga kusvika ndazonyanya kukura.

Hazvina kutora nguva kuti ndione kuti rakanga risiri izwi randaitarisirwa kuti ndizive naro.

Mushure mekuona kuti ndinogona kunge ndakaora mwoyo, ndakatarisana nehondo nyowani: kugamuchirwa. Wese munhu akandikomberedza aiedza nepese paigona napo kuti anditadzise kuziva.

Uye yaiwanzoteverwa nenhungamiro yekuverenga Bhaibheri. Ndanzwa "Ishe havangatipe zvakawanda zvekutarisana nazvo kupfuura zvatinogona kutsungirira" nguva zhinji kupfuura chero munhu angatarisira. Mukati memharaunda yeVatema, kana iwe uchinzwa zvakashata kwenguva refu, unoudzwa kuti chimwe chinhu chaunofanira kushanda zvakanyanya kuti unamate kubva mauri. Saka, ndakanamata.

Asi apo zvinhu pazvisina kuvandudzika, ndakatarisana nemirangariro yakashata zvikuru. Iyo yakanaka iyo vakadzi vatema vasingatambure nayo kwese munhu manzwiro anopfuudzira pfungwa yekuti hatipindike.

Uye kunyepedzera kunge tiri vanhu vanopfuura vevanhu kuri kutiuraya, anodaro Josie Pickens mune yake chinyorwa "Kushungurudzika uye iyo Black Superwoman Syndrome." Ndichiedza kusangana neiyi yakanaka, ndakazviwana - zvakare - inotsanangurwa neiyo stereotype yezvavanoita uye hazvireve kuve Mutema.

Kusuruvara kusingaperi

Kudhererwa kuchikoro kwakaita kuti zvinhu zviwedzere kuipa. Ini ndakanzi "mumwe" ndichiri mudiki. Mafungidziro mamwe chete airambidza hurukuro dzehutano hwepfungwa akandiita ndakadzingwa.

Ndakadzidza kurarama nekusiyana nevamwe uye nekudzivisa vanhu vazhinji. Asi kunyangwe makore mushure mekushusha kwakapera, kushushikana kwakasara ndokunditevera mukoreji.

Kugamuchirwa pakuraira

Yunivhesiti yangu yakakoshesa hutano hwepfungwa hwevadzidzi vayo uye yakapa mumwe nemumwe wedu zvikamu gumi nemaviri zvekupa mazano zvemahara pagore rechikoro. Sezvo mari yakanga isisiri chipingamupinyi, ndakapihwa mukana wekuona chipangamazano pasina kunetseka.

Kwenguva yekutanga, ini ndaive mune imwe nharaunda isingagumise nyaya dzehutano hwepfungwa kune rimwe boka. Uye ini ndakashandisa mukana iwoyo kutaura nezve nyaya dzangu. Mushure memasangano mashoma, handina kuzonzwa "mamwe" zvekare. Kuraira kwakandidzidzisa kugadzirisa zvandinosangana nazvo nekushushikana uye nekushushikana.

Sarudzo yangu yekuenda kunopihwa kuraira kukoreji yakandibatsira kunzwisisa kuti kutambura kwangu nekushushikana uye kushushikana hakuna kundiita ndakaderera pane chero mumwe munhu. Kusviba kwangu hakundiregerere kubva kunetseka kwehutano hwepfungwa. Kune veAfrica -America, kuratidzwa kune systemic rusaruraganda nekusarura kunowedzera kudiwa kwedu kwekurapwa.

Hapana chakaipa pandiri kuve munhu akashushikana- uye munhu anogara achizvidya moyo. Zvino, ini ndinoona hutano hwangu hwepfungwa sechimwe chinhu chinondiita ndakasarudzika. Ini ndinowana kurudziro huru muangu "pasi mazuva," uye angu "kumusoro mazuva" ari nyore kukoshesa.

Tora woenda nazvo

Kugamuchira kutambura kwangu hazvireve kuti ivo havana kuomera kubata nazvo munguva. Pandinenge ndiine mazuva akaipa kwazvo, ndinoisa pekutanga kutaura kune mumwe munhu. Izvo zvakakosha kuti urangarire zvakashata zvinhu zvaunonzwa uye kunzwa nezvako pamusoro pako panguva yekuora mwoyo zvisizvo hazvisi zvechokwadi. VaAfrica -America, kunyanya, vanofanirwa kuyedza kutsvaga rubatsiro rwehutano hwepfungwa.

Ndakaita sarudzo yekugadzirisa zviratidzo zvangu pasina mushonga, asi ndinoziva vamwe vazhinji vakasarudza mishonga ichavabatsira zvirinani kubata zviratidzo. Kana iwe ukazviwana iwe uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchitora Ziva kuti iwe uri kwete iyo "imwe" uye iwe uri kwete oga.

Matambudziko ehutano hwepfungwa haasarure. Zvinobata munhu wese. Zvinotora hushingi, asi pamwe chete, isu tinogona kuputsa zvimiro zvinotenderedza hutano hwepfungwa kumapoka ese evanhu.

Kana iwe kana mumwe munhu waunoziva ari kusangana nezviratidzo zvekuora mwoyo, unogona kuwana rubatsiro. Masangano akaita seNational Alliance yeMental Illness anopa mapoka ekutsigira, dzidzo, nezvimwe zviwanikwa kuti vabatsire kurapa kushushikana nezvimwe zvirwere zvepfungwa. Iwe unogona zvakare kufonera chero eanotevera masangano nerubatsiro, zvakavanzika rubatsiro:

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (yakavhurika 24/7): 1-800-273-8255
• VaSamaria 24-Hour Crisis Hotline (vhura 24/7, kufona kana kunyora): 1-877-870-4673
• United Way Crisis Helpline (inogona kukubatsira iwe kuwana murapi, hutano, kana zvakakosha zvinodiwa: 2-1-1

Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez munyori akazvimiririra uyo anonyanya kugadzirisa hutano, zvemagariro, uye kurera. Anoshandisa nguva yake kuverenga, kuda pamhuri yake, uye kudzidza nzanga. Tevedza zvinyorwa zvake paari peji remunyori.