Iko Kutarisa Nei Nei Hukama Huchinja Mushure mekunge Une Mwana

Zvemukati

• Mwana mutsva, mutsva iwe, nyowani zvese
• “Kana pasina chamunoita, hukama hwacho hunobva hwadzikira - munenge muri vabereki vemubereki muchiitisana nharo pamusoro pemabasa. Unofanira kuisa basa muhukama hwayo kuti igare yakadaro, uye shanda nesimba kuti uvandudze. ”
• 1. Kutaurirana kunova kuchinjika
• 2. Iwe unosuwa hunhu hwechisimba hweako yekare (uye zvakanaka)
• 3. Mucheche blues ndeyechokwadi - uye vanoita kuti zvinhu zvose zviome
• 4. Bonde - bonde ripi?
• 5. Kupatsanura Respibilities haisi nyore
• 6. Kushayikwa kwe ‘Ini’ nguva
• 7. Mhando dzakasiyana dzekurera vana inogona kuwedzera kunetseka
• 8. Asi hesi, iwe wakasimba nezvazvo

Asi hazvina kuipa zvese. Hedzino nzira dzave-ipapo-dzakaitwa-idzo vabereki vawana kuburikidza nezvinhu zvakaoma.

“Ini nemurume wangu Tom tisati tava nemwana, zvechokwadi hatina kurwa. Takazoita mwana, tikarwa nguva dzese, ”anodaro Jancee Dunn, amai uye munyori, uyo akazonyora bhuku rakanzi" How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids. " Kana chero chikamu chenyaya yaDunn chichiita sechizivikanwa - kurwa kana kuvengana - hausi wega.

Mwana mutsva, mutsva iwe, nyowani zvese

Kuva mubereki kunogona chaizvo chinja hukama. Mushure mezvose, iwe unonetsekana, hauna hope, uye haugone kuisa hukama hwako pakutanga - zvirinani kwete paunenge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge uchinge

"Isu tinoziva kubva kutsvagurudzo kuti hukama husina kupihwa kutarisisa huchawedzera," anodaro Tracy K. Ross, LCSW, murume nemukadzi varapi vemhuri kuRedesigning Relationships muNew York City. Anowedzera kuti:

“Kana pasina chamunoita, hukama hwacho hunobva hwadzikira - munenge muri vabereki vemubereki muchiitisana nharo pamusoro pemabasa. Unofanira kuisa basa muhukama hwayo kuti igare yakadaro, uye shanda nesimba kuti uvandudze. ”

Izvo zvinonzwika senge zvakawanda, kunyanya kana iwe uchitotarisana neshanduko yakawanda. Asi zvinobatsira kuziva kuti dzakawanda nzira idzo hukama hwako huri kuchinja huri hwakajairika uye kuti pane zvinhu zvaunogona kuita kuti ushandise kuburikidza nazvo.

Idzi ndidzo dzimwe nzira dzakajairika hukama hwehukama hunochinja mushure mekunge vaviri vava vabereki.

1. Kutaurirana kunova kuchinjika

"Ini nemurume wangu taifanira kuchinjana kurara, saka… tanga tisingataure tese," anodaro Jaclyn Langenkamp, ​​amai muHillard, Ohio, avo vanobloga kuAne Vakaropafadzwa Amai. “Apo isu vaive kutaura kune mumwe nemumwe, kwaive kuti, 'Enda unditorere bhodhoro' kana kuti 'Inguva yako yekumubata ndichigeza.' Nhaurirano dzedu dzaive dzakadai sekuda, uye isu tese tanga takatsamwidzana. "

Paunenge uchichengeta mwana anoda kuberekwa, iwe hauna nguva nesimba rekuita zvinhu zvese zvinoita kuti hukama husimbe.

"Hukama hunokura panguva inopedzwa pamwe chete, wakabata mumwe munhu iyeye mupfungwa dzako uye uchibatana nekuteerera kwavari," anodaro Ross. “Unofanirwa kuzviisa pekutanga - kwete mavhiki matanhatu ekutanga ehupenyu hwemucheche - asi mushure meizvozvo unofanirwa kuwana nguva yemumwe wako, kunyangwe iri shoma nguva yekutarirana musingataure nezvemwana. ”

Izvi zvinogona kureva kumwe kuronga kwehurongwa, sekuwana kugara, kuva nenhengo yemhuri kutarisa mwana, kana kuronga kushandisa imwe nguva pamwe chete mushure mekunge mwana adonhera husiku - kana vachinge varara pane imwe nguva inofungidzirwa, ndiko kuti.

Iyi ndiyo nzira iri nyore kutaurwa pane kuzviita, asi kunyangwe kufamba kupfupi uchitenderedza chivharo pamwe chete kana kudya dinner pamwe chete kunogona kutora nzira yakareba mukubatsira kuti iwe nemumwe wako mubatanidzwe nekutaurirana.

2. Iwe unosuwa hunhu hwechisimba hweako yekare (uye zvakanaka)

Kugadzira iko kubatana kuchazotaridzika kwakasiyana zvakanyanya mushure mekuve nemwana. Iwe ungangove waingoerekana waenda pahusiku hwemasikati kuyedza iyo restaurant nyowani kana kupedza kupera kwevhiki uchikwidza musasa pamwe chete.

Asi ikozvino, pfungwa yekuzvibata iyo inowanzo chengetedza hukama hwayo inonakidza iri kunze kwehwindo. Uye kungo gadzirira kuenda kunoda kuronga kuronga uye kugadzirira (mabhodhoro, mabhegi emuchira, vanochengeta vana, uye nezvimwe zvakawanda).

"Ini ndinofunga zvakanaka kuti uve nenguva yekuchema mauri kuonekana neupenyu hwako hwekare, hwetsoka," anodaro Dunn. “Uye ronga zano rekufunga nezvenzira dzekubatanidza, kunyangwe munzira diki, kune hwako hwekare hupenyu. Ini nemurume wangu tinotora maminetsi gumi nemashanu zuva rega rega kuti titaure nezvazvo chero chinhu kunze kwemwana wedu uye zvekushambadzira senge chokwadi chekuti isu tinoda mamwe mapepa emapepa. Isu tinoedza kuita zvinhu zvitsva pamwe chete - hazvidi kuti uve muchadenga, zvinogona kunge zviri kuyedza resitorendi nyowani. Kuyedza zvinhu zvitsva kunoyeuka hupenyu hwedu hwepamberi pemwana. ”

Uye zvakanaka kuchinja mafungire ako ekushandisa nguva pamwe chete uye uve rudzi rwevanhu vanoronga kumberi zvakanyanya. Heck, ronga nguva yemumwe nemumwe pakarenda kuti unamatire pairi.

"Iva nepurani, asi iva nepfungwa chaiyo," anodaro Ross. "Zviyeuchidze kuti muri vanhu vakuru vaviri vanoshandisa nguva pamwe chete nekuti munofarira kupedza nguva muri pamwe chete."

Langenkamp anoti iye nemurume wake zvakare, nekufamba kwenguva, vakafunga nzira yekuita vaviri vaviri nguva kushanda nemwana.

"Nepo nguva yedu yemhando pamwe ingangodaro isina kufanana neyaive mwana wedu asati ave mumufananidzo, tinoedza kuve nechinangwa chekuwana nguva yake," anodaro Langenkamp. “Panzvimbo pekuenda kunopera kwevhiki, tine kupera kwevhiki‘ kusina mabasa. Panzvimbo pekuenda kunodya uye bhaisikopo, tinoraira kudya kwemanheru mukati, uye nekuona bhaisikopo yeNetflix. Hatisiye mabasa edu ekurera vana, asi tinotonakidzwa nawo - kana dzimwe nguva kungozvipedza - pamwe chete. "

3. Mucheche blues ndeyechokwadi - uye vanoita kuti zvinhu zvose zviome

Uye isu tinogona kufadza kutaura nezvemashure mekusununguka manzwiro? Kunyangwe iwe usina postpartum kushushikana kana kushushikana, iwe ungangodaro uchinzwa kutenderera kwekushushikana kwemanzwiro - kurovera makumi masere kubva muzana emadzimai ekuzvitakura anowana mwana blues. Ngatirege kukanganwa nezvevabereki vanogona kuwana kusununguka kwepashure kwekubereka zvakare.

"Ndinoshuva dai mumwe munhu akandidhonza padivi ndokundiudza, 'Teerera, zvichakuomera chaizvo kuti utame kufamba," anodaro Amna Husain, MD, FAAP, anova amai vemwana mudiki uye muvambi wePure Direct Pediatrics.

"Wese munhu anokugadzirira iwe kwekurara husiku asi hapana anoti," Haa, muviri wako unozonzwa kumonyoroka kwechinguva. 'Zvichava zvakaoma kuenda kuchimbuzi. Zvichanetsa kusimuka. Zvichava zvakaoma kupfeka bhurugwa. "

Saka pakati pekuchinja kwehormone, kushaya kwekurara, uye kunetsekana kunouya nemwana achangozvarwa, hazvishamise kuti iwe ungazozviwana uchirovera kune mumwe wako uye uchizviisa pazasi pechinhu chako chekutanga.

Ziva kuti izvi zviratidzo zvinofanirwa kunge zviri zvenguva pfupi - kana zvikaratidzika kunge zviri kuvandudza, taura nachiremba wako ipapo ipapo. Uye panguva ino, ita zvaunogona kuyedza kutaurirana nemutsa kune mumwe wako.

4. Bonde - bonde ripi?

Kana zvasvika pabonde, iwe une zvese zvatakataura nezvazvo kusvika zvino zvichipesana newe. Hauna nguva, muviri wako wakasviba uye unosvotwa nemumwe wako.

Uyezve, kuvharwa nekupfira-uye nekuchinja manapukeni ane tsvina gumi nemaviri pazuva hakunyatso kukuisa iwe mumood. Kana iwe uchiyamwa, iwe unogona kusangana nekutsi kwemukadzi kuoma zvinoreva kuti chishuwo chako chingangove chakashoma. Asi bonde inogona kuve nzira yakanaka yekubatanidza zvakare uye kupedza nguva shoma nemumwe wako.

Rangarira: Kana zvasvika pabonde hazvina kunaka kuzvitora zvishoma. Kungoita kuti chiremba akakupa mwenje mutema hazvireve kuti unofanirwa kumhanyira mukati.

"Imwe nzira yevakaroorana yekuona kuti kushaya bonde hakuite zvachose ndeyekuita nemaune hukama hwehukama huve pekutanga," anodaro Lana Banegas, LMFT, wekuroora uye wezvekurapa wemhuri anoshanda kuThe Marriage Point muMarietta, Georgia.

Iyi ndiyo imwe nzvimbo iyo yese iyo yauri kushanda yauri kuita pakutaurirana nemumwe uye kushandisa nguva pamwe chete kwakakosha.

Fran Walfish, PsyD, mhuri uye hukama psychotherapist uye munyori we "The Self-Aware Parent," anoyambira kuti "kuderera kwepabonde, kumberi, uye kusangana kunowanzo chiratidzo chekusawirirana kwekutaurirana uye zvishoma nezvishoma wedhizaina anogona kuvaka pakati pevaviri ava."

Kuti adzokere munzira yekurara, anokurudzira vakaroorana kuti vawane nguva yebonde uye vatsvage nzira dzekuzviita kana mwana wavo ave pamba, senge panguva yekuzorora.

Uye zvirokwazvo isa mari mune imwe lube.

5. Kupatsanura Respibilities haisi nyore

Muhukama hupi nehupi, mumwe munhu anogona kunzwa kumanikidzwa kuita mamwe mabasa ekurera vana kupfuura mumwe. Izvi zvinogona kusiya munhu iyeye achitsamwira mumwe.

Paaitsvaga bhuku rake, Dunn akawana kuti "vanaamai vazhinji vanoshatirwa murume wavo paanohon'era apo mwana anochema usiku." Asi kutsvagisa kwekurara kunoratidza ichi chiitiko chekushanduka-shanduka.

MuNational Institutes of Health, "Ongororo dzebongo dzakaratidza kuti, mumadzimai, maitiro ehuropi akachinja nenzira yekungwarira pavakanzwa kuchema kwechecheche, nepo urume hwevarume hwakaramba hwakazorora. "

Izvi zvinoita zvine musoro.

Saka nepo mumwe mudiwa angave asiri kuyedza kusiira rimwe basa kune mumwe munhu - sekumuka nemwana pakati pehusiku - zvinogona kuitika. Apa ndipo pakajeka uye ane mutsa kutaurirana kwakakosha. Kuve nekugara-pasi chats kusarudza kuti ungabata sei mabasa evabereki kunogona kubatsira zvakanyanya uye kudzivirira nharo.

Kurova mumwe wako nepiro kuti amuke pakati pehusiku, apo achiedza, hazvibatsiri.

"Ini ndinofunga zvakakosha kuti ukurumidze kubuda," anodaro Husain. "Ndinofunga tinogona kuva nemhosva yekufungidzira kuti mumwe munhu ari kuverenga pfungwa dzedu." Iva nehurongwa asi zvakare shanduka, nekuti haisi mamiriro ese ezvinhu anotarisirwa, anodaro.

Semuenzaniso, Husain anoti mwana wake akazvarwa paanenge achipedza kugara kwake, izvo zvaireva kuti aigaro danwa sachiremba. "Murume wangu airara padyo nekamubhedha kemwana ini pandakafona," anodaro. "Nenzira iyoyo, ndiye anotanga kumuka nekumuchengeta."

Husain anoti aigara achinzwa akasungirirwa pachigaro paanenge achiyamwa, kunyanya kana mwana wake achifamba nekukura uye kuyamwa kazhinji. Munguva idzodzo, zvaive zvakakosha kwaari kuti murume wake atore mabasa aaisakwanisa.

Iye zvakare anoratidzira vanoshanda vanamai vanopomba vanokumbira vavakaroorana navo kuti vachengete kugeza iwo mapombi, nekuti kuzvipomba pachako kunogona kunetsa uye kutora nguva kubva pazuva rake rakabatikana - ndiro rimwe basa rine hukama iro mumwe wako anogona kutora kurerutsa mutoro wake.

“Zvakakosha kuti muchengetane, kuyedza kuve kugona pamunokwanisa. Zvitarise saizvozvo, ”anodaro Ross. “Hausi kungokamura mabasa epamba chete. Zvitarise sekuti, 'Tiri mune izvi pamwe chete.' ”

6. Kushayikwa kwe ‘Ini’ nguva

Haingori chete kuti nguva yako pamwe chete inochinja kana uchinge waita vana, yako nguva pane yako wega inotaridzika zvakare Muchokwadi, iwe unogona kunge usina chero.

Asi Ross anoti zvakakosha kubvunzana nguva yamunofanira kuzvitarisira pamwe nekubatsirana kuipana.

"Zvakanaka kuda nguva yako wega, yekuenda kujimu kana kuona shamwari kana kungoenda kunogadzira zvipikiri zvako," anodaro Ross. "Vabereki vatsva vanofanirwa kuwedzera chikamu kuhurukuro: 'Tichava sei nekuzvitarisira? Tichazvitarisira sei mumwe nemumwe? '”

Iko kuzorora uye nguva yekunzwa zvakanyanya senge yako pre-mwana kuzvimiririra kunogona kuenda nenzira yakareba mukukuita iwe vakaroorana vakanaka uye vabereki vakanaka.

7. Mhando dzakasiyana dzekurera vana inogona kuwedzera kunetseka

Iwe unogona kuona kuti iwe nemumwe wako mubereki zvakasiyana uye izvo zvakanaka, anodaro Ross. Iwe unogona kutaura nezve chero kusabvumirana kukuru uye woita sarudzo yekuti muchashanda pamwe sei sechikwata, kungave kuri kuwana kuwiriranisa pane imwe nyaya, kuenda nenzira yemubereki mumwe, kana neruremekedzo uchibvuma kusawirirana.

Kana mutsauko uri chinhu chidiki, iwe ungangoda kungoisiya.

"Pane chiitiko chakajairika apo vakadzi vanoda kuti mumwe wavo aite zvakawanda asi micromanage uye musavape nzvimbo yekuzviita," anodaro Ross. “Kana muchida kubatana mubereki, regai mumwe nemumwe aite zvinhu uye musaite micromanage.

Pamwe pane zvimwe zvinhu zvausingakwanise kumira kuti waita neimwe nzira uye wotaura nezve izvo asi tarisa pakurega izvo zvinhu iwe unokwanisa mira. "Kana mumwe mubereki anenge aripo, inguva yavo yekurera."

8. Asi hesi, iwe wakasimba nezvazvo

Kunyangwe paine kurova kwakaomarara uko hukama hunogona kutora mushure mekuita mwana, vanhu vazhinji vanotaura chisungo chavo chichiwedzera kusimba uye kudzika. Mushure mezvose, hausi chete vaviri, iwe uri mhuri ikozvino, uye kana iwe ukakwanisa kushanda kuburikidza nezvinhu zvakashata, unenge uri kuvaka hwaro hwakasimba kuti ikubatsire iwe kusangana nemamiriro ekumusoro nekudzika kwekuva mubereki.

"Patakangoita mashandiro matsva - ayo zvakare aisanganisira musangano unofinha-asi-unodiwa vhiki nevhiki - hukama hwedu hwakakura zvakanyanya," anodaro Dunn.

“Takabatana murudo rwedu kumwanasikana wedu, zvinova zvinowedzera chimiro muhukama hwedu. Uye isu takave nani pane manejimendi wenguva uye nekutsamwa takagadzirisa zvinhu zvaitinetesa. Pane chikonzero nei vanhu vachiti kuva nevana ndicho chinhu chakanakisa chavakaita! "

Elena Donovan Mauer munyori uye mupepeti anoongorora mumisoro yaanogara uye yaanoda: kuva mubereki, mararamiro, hutano uye hutano. Pamusoro peHealthline, basa rake rakaonekwa muVabereki, Kurera vana, Iyo Bump, CafeMom, Chaiyo Chakareruka, Kuzvibata, Care.com uye nezvimwe. Elena ariwo amai venhabvu, anowirirana purofesa, uye anofarira taco, anogona kuwanikwa kushambadzira zvekare nekuimba mukicheni yake. Iye anogara muHudson Valley yeNew York nemurume wake nevanakomana vaviri.