Kin neMania: Iyo Bond Yandinonzwa Nevamwe Bipolar Vanhu Hazvitsanangurike
Zvemukati
Isu tinosanganisira zvigadzirwa zvatinofunga zvinobatsira kuvaverengi vedu. Kana iwe ukatenga kuburikidza nehukama pane ino peji, isu tinogona kuwana diki komisheni. Heano maitiro edu.
Akafamba seni. Ndozvandakatanga kuona. Maziso ake nemaoko zvakatanga paakataura - zvekutamba, acerbic, yekutsamwa.
Takataura past 2 am, kutaura kwake kufema, kuputika nemafungiro. Akatora imwe hit kubva pajoini ndokuidzosera kwandiri pasofa suite pasofa, hama yangu payakarara pabvi rangu.
Vanun'una vakaparadzaniswa pakuberekwa vanofanirwa kunzwa nenzira iyi pavanosangana sevanhu vakuru: kuona chikamu chako mune mumwe munhu. Mukadzi uyu wandichati Ella aive nehunhu hwangu, giddiness, uye hasha, zvekuti ndakanzwa kuti taive takabatana. Kuti isu tinofanira kugovana zvakajairika majini.
Hurukuro yedu yakaenda kwese kwese. Kubva kuhip hop kuenda kuFoucault, Lil Wayne, kusvika pakuchinja kwejeri, mazano aElla akabatanidzwa. Mashoko ake aive ane simba. Aida nharo uye akazvitora kuti zvifadze, seni ini. Muimba ine rima, kana magetsi akasungirirwa kumakumbo ake, vaitamba. Saizvozvowo iye, akakomberedza suite yaakagovana nemunin'ina wangu, uye gare gare, padanda mune taproom yekirabhu yekambasi.
Wandaigara naye mukoma akandipa kumbomira nezvangu. Ndakawana Ella achifadza, asi anonetesa - akajeka asi asina hanya, ane. Ndakashamisika, kutya, kana ndiwo manzwiro aiita vanhu nezvangu. Mimwe yemafungiro aElla airatidzika seane hyperbolic, zviito zvake zvakanyanyisa, sekutamba asina kupfeka pakoreji yakasvibira kana kudzima mota dzemapurisa. Zvakadaro, iwe unogona kuvimba naye kuti aite. Kuita.
Aive nemafungiro, kana kanenge kunzwa, nezve zvese. Akaverenga zvine mutsindo uye aisatya iye. Aive nemagineti.Zvakandirovesa nehana kuti hama yangu nemweya wake wakadzikira, unoshanda, hushamwari, waiwirirana naElla, aigarika, ane hunyanzvi, uye asina hanya.
Hapana mumwe wedu aizviziva husiku ihwohwo ndakasangana naElla muPrinceton, asi mukati memakore maviri iye neni taizogoverana chimwe chinhu: kugara muchipatara chepfungwa, mishonga, uye kuongororwa kwataizoita kweupenyu hwese.
Ndega, pamwe chete
Vanorwara nepfungwa vapoteri. Kure nekumba, kunzwa rurimi rwaamai ndiko kusununguka. Kana vanhu vane bipolar disorder vakasangana, tinowana hukama hwevatorwa, kubatana. Isu tinogovana kutambura uye mufaro. Ella anoziva mwoto usingadzokere pamusha wangu.
Tinofadza vanhu, kana kuti tinovagumbura. Ndiyo nzira yemanic-inoshungurudza. Hunhu hwedu hunhu, sekufara, kutyaira, uye kuvhurika, zvinokwezva uye zvinoparadzanisa kamwechete. Zvimwe zvinokurudzirwa nekuda kwedu kuziva, maitiro edu ekutora njodzi. Vamwe vanodzorwa nesimba, iyo ego, kana nharo dzinogona kukanganisa mapato emabiko. Tiri kudhakwa, uye hatigone.
Saka isu tine kusurukirwa kwakajairika: kurwira kuti tizopfuura isu pachedu. Kunyara kwekuedza.
Vanhu vane chirwere chebipolar vanozviuraya kazhinji pane vanhu vane hutano. Handifunge kuti izvi zvinongoitika nekuda kwekuchinja kwemamiriro, asi nekuti manic mhando dzinowanzo kukanganisa hupenyu hwavo. Kana iwe uchibata vanhu zvakashata, ivo havangade kuve padyo newe. Tinogona kudzoserwa nekutarisa kwedu kusingachinjiki, yedu isingashiviriri hasha, kana kwedu kushingairira, iyo egocentric positivity. Manic euphoria haina kusarudzika pane kushushikana. Kana iwe uchidavira kuti chako chakanyanya charismatic iine ngozi mirage, zviri nyore kusahadzika kuti rudo rwuripo. Redu kusurukirwa chaiko.
Asi vamwe vanhu - vakaita semukoma wangu, ane shamwari dzinoverengeka nedambudziko iri, uye vakadzi vandakambodanana navo - havana basa bipolarity. Rudzi urwu rwemunhu rwunokweverwa kuhunhu, simba, hushamwari hwepedyo hwakajeka kune vanhu vane bipolar kusagadzikana sezvo kuri kunze kwekutonga kwake. Hunhu hwedu husina kudzivirirwa hunobatsira vamwe vanhu vakachengetedzwa kuvhura. Tinomutsa dzimwe mhando dzakanyorovera, uye dzinotidzikamisa nekudzoka.
Vanhu ava vakanakira mumwe nemumwe, seanglerfish uye mabhakitiriya anovaramba vachipenya. Iyo manic hafu inoita kuti zvinhu zvifambe, inomutsa gakava, inoshatirisa. Iyo yakanyarara, inoshanda hafu inochengeta zvirongwa zvakavakirwa muicho chaicho nyika, kunze kweTechnicolor insides yepfungwa yebipolar.
Nyaya yandiri kutaura
Ndapedza koreji, ndakapedza makore mumaruwa eJapan ndichidzidzisa chikoro chepuraimari. Anenge makore gumi gare gare muNew York, brunch ine shamwari yakachinja maitiro andakaona mazuva iwayo.
Mukomana uyu, ini ndinomudaidza kuti Jim, akashanda basa rakafanana muJapan pamberi pangu, achidzidzisa kuzvikoro zvimwe chete. Sempai, Ndaimudaidza muchiJapan, zvichireva mukoma. Vadzidzi, vadzidzisi, uye vanhu vemutaundi vakataura nyaya pamusoro paJim kwese kwandaienda. Aive ngano: konzati yedombo yaaiita, mitambo yake yekuzorora, nguva yaakapfeka saHarry Potter weHalloween.
Jim aive ramangwana ini randaida kuve. Asati asangana neni, akange agara hupenyu hwemonoki kumaruwa eJapan. Aizadza mabhuku emabhuku nekudzidzira kanji - mutsara mushure mevarwere mutsara wevatambi. Aichengeta rondedzero yezuva nezuva yemazwi pane kadhi renongedzo muhomwe yake. Jim neni tese takafarira ngano nemumhanzi. Isu taive nechido mune anime. Isu tese takadzidza chiJapanese kubva pakutanga, pakati peminda yemupunga, nerubatsiro kubva kuvadzidzi vedu. Mumaruwa eOkayama, isu tese takadanana uye takagumburwa nemoyo nevasikana vakakurira nekukurumidza kupfuura isu.
Isu taive zvakare takanyanyisa, Jim neni. Tinokwanisa kuvimbika kunotyisa, tinogona zvakare kuvharirwa, kusimba, uye huremo nenzira inotonhodza hukama hwedu. Patainge tavimbisana, taive takabatikana zvikuru. Asi isu patakange tiri mumisoro yedu, isu taive kune nyika iri kure, isingasvikike.
Pabhurocha mangwanani iwayo muNew York, Jim akaramba achibvunza nezve thesis yatenzi wangu. Ndakamuudza kuti ndainyora nezve lithiamu, mushonga unorapa mania. Ndakati lithiamu munyu, wakacherwa kubva kumigodhi muBolivia, asi unoshanda zvakavimbika kupfuura chero mushonga unodzikamisa mweya. Ndakamuudza kuti manic depression inonakidza sei: yakasimba, isingagumi kushushikana kwepfungwa iyo episodic, inowanzoitika, asi zvakare, yakasarudzika, inorapwa. Vanhu vane chirwere chepfungwa vari panjodzi yepamusoro yekuzviuraya, pavanotora lithiamu, kazhinji havadzokere zvakare kwemakore.
Jim, ave kunyora screenwriting, akaramba achisunda. "Inyaya yei?" Akabvunza. "Chii chinyorwa?"
"Zvakanaka," ndakadaro, "Ndine chirwere chemafungiro mumhuri yangu…"
"Saka urikushandisa nyaya yaani?"
"Ngatimbobhadharai bhiri," ndakadaro, "ndichakuudza tichifamba."
Kumusoro
Sayenzi yatanga kutarisa bipolar kusagadzikana kuburikidza neiyo lens yehunhu. Twin uye mhuri vanoratidza kuti manic kushungurudzika ingangoita 85 muzana inokosheswa. Asi hapana shanduko imwechete inozivikanwa nekodhi yechirwere ichi. Saka kazhinji tarisa pachinzvimbo chehunhu hunhu: kutaura, kuvhurika, kusagadzikana.
Aya maitiro anowanzoonekwa mune yekutanga-degree hama dzevanhu vane bipolar kusagadzikana. Iwo mazano ekuti nei "magene enjodzi" echimiro ichi achimhanya mumhuri, uye haana kubviswa nesarudzo yakasikwa. Muzviyero zvine mwero, hunhu senge dhiraivha, simba rakakwira, uye kufunga kwakasiyana kunobatsira.
Vanyori paIowa Writers 'Workshop, saKurt Vonnegut, vaive nemitengo yakakwira yekushushikana kwepfungwa kupfuura huwandu hwevanhu, imwe ongororo yechinyakare yakawanikwa. Vaimbi veBebop jazz, vane mukurumbira Charlie Parker, Thelonius Monk, naCharles Mingus, zvakare vane chirwere chepfungwa, kazhinji bipolar disorder. (Rwiyo rwaParker "Relaxin 'kuCamarillo" nderwekugara kwake kunzvimbo yekutizira kuCalifornia. Monk naMingus vese vakaiswa muchipatara, zvakare.) Bhuku "rakabatwa neMoto" nachiremba wepfungwa Kay Redfield Jamison akadzokororazve kuongororwa vazhinji maartist, vadetembi, vanyori, uye vaimbi vane bipolar kusagadzikana. Hupenyu hwake hutsva, "Robert Lowell: Kuisa Rwizi Pamoto," inotsanangura hunyanzvi uye kurwara muhupenyu hwanyanduri, uyo akarapwa muchipatara mania kakawanda, uye akadzidzisa nhetembo kuHarvard.
Izvi hazvireve kuti mania inounza hunyanzvi. Izvo zvinokurudzira mania inyonganiso: kunyengera kuvimba, kwete nzwisiso. Iyo ramble inowanzo kuve yakawanda, asi isina kurongeka. Rokugadzira basa rakagadzirwa nepo manic, mune yangu ruzivo, inonyanya kuita narcissistic, ine yakasarudzika kuzvikoshesa uye kusava nehanya kwevateereri. Izvo hazviwanzo kununurwa kubva kune yakashata.
Tsvagurudzo inoratidza kuti zvimwe zvezvinonzi "hunhu hwakanaka" hwebipolar kusagadzikana - kutyaira, kusimbisa, kuvhurika - mune vanhu vane chirwere kana vapora uye vari pamushonga. Ivo vanogara nhaka mamwe emajini anowedzera hunhu hwemurume, asi hazvina kukwana kuti akonzere kusanzwisisika, kusvetuka-simba, simba rekurara, kana kusadzikama kwegiddy kunotsanangura kushushikana kwemurume pachawo.
Hanzvadzi konama
"Uri kundiseka," Jim akadaro, achiseka nekutya, sezvaakanditengera kofi musi iwoyo muNew York. Pandakanga ndambotaura kare kuti vangani vanhu vane hunyanzvi vane kusagadzikana kwepfungwa, iye ainongedzera - aine kuseka padivi - kuti andiudze zvakawanda nezvazvo kubva pane zvaakaona. Ndakanga ndisina kubvunza kuti airevei. Asi apo isu tichifamba tichikwira anodarika makumi mabhuru kuenda kuPenn Station kubva kuBond Street, akandiudza nezvegore rake rakaputika.
Kutanga, paive nehookups nevakadzi vaaishanda navo. Ipapo bhutsu akazadza kabhodhi rake ne: gumi nemaviri emaviri mapairi, anodhura mateki. Ipapo yemitambo mota. Uye kunwa. Uye mota yaparara. Uye ikozvino, mwedzi mishoma yapfuura, kushushikana: flat-line anhedonia yakanzwika kujairira zvakakwana kutonhora musana wangu. Ainge aona kudzikira. Aida kuti atore meds, akati aive nebipolar. Anga achiramba label. Izvi zvaizivikanwawo: ini ndaizodzivisa lithiamu kwemakore maviri. Ndakaedza kumuudza kuti anofara.
Makore gare gare, chirongwa chitsva cheTV chakaunza Jim kuNew York. Akandikumbira kumutambo we baseball. Isu takatarisa maMets, erudzi rwe, pamusoro peotdogs uye doro uye kugara uchitaura. Ini ndaiziva kuti pamubatanidzwa wake wechigumi neshanu wekoreji, Jim aive asanganazve newaimbova mukirasi. Pasina nguva, vakanga vava kufambidzana. Haana kumuudza pakutanga kuti akavigwa pasi pekushushikana. Akadzidza munguva pfupi, uye akatya kuti aizoenda. Ini ndainyorera email kuna Jim panguva iyoyo, ndichimukurudzira kuti asazvidya moyo. "Anonzwisisa," ndakasimbisa kudaro, "Vanogara vachitida nekuda kwezvatiri, kwete kunyangwe hazvo."
Jim akandipa nhau kumutambo: iyo mhete, hongu. Ndakafananidzira zororo remuchato muJapan. Uye ndinovimba, mune izvi zvakare, izvo sempai akange andipa rumbonera ramangwana rangu.
Kupenga kwemhuri
Kuzviona iwe mune mumwe munhu zvakajairika zvakakwana. Kana iwe uine bipolar kusagadzikana, iyi pfungwa inogona kuve yakatonyanya kusanzwisisika, sevamwe hunhu hwaunoona hunogona kukufananidza newe sechigunwe chemunwe.
Hunhu hwako hwakagara nhaka, sekuumbwa kwemapfupa nekureba. Iko kusimba pamwe nezvikanganiso zvakasungwa nazvo zvinowanzo kuve mativi maviri emari imwe: vavariro yakasungirwa kushushikana, kunetseka kunouya nekusachengeteka. Iwe, sesu, wakaomarara, uine kusagadzikana kwakavanzika.
Izvo zvinomhanya muropa rebipolar haisi chituko asi hunhu. Mhuri dzine yakakwira mwero yemanzwiro kana psychotic kusagadzikana, kazhinji, imhuri dzevanowana zvakanyanya, vanhu vakasika. Vanhu vane kazhinji vane IQ yepamusoro kupfuura huwandu hwevanhu. Uku hakusi kuramba kutambura uye kuzviuraya zvichiri kukonzerwa nekusagadzikana mune vanhu vasingapindure kune lithiamu, kana avo vane comorbidities, vanoenda zvakanyanya. Kana kudzikisira iyo kurwa ichakatarisana nerombo rakanaka, seni, mukuregererwa kwezvino. Asi ndeye kuratidza kuti chirwere chepfungwa, kazhinji, chinoratidzika kunge chibereko chehunhu hwakanyanya hunowanzo kuve hwakanaka.
Kuwanda kwedu kwandinosangana nako, pashoma pandinonzwa kunge munhu achinja. Nenzira iyo shamwari dzangu dzinofunga, kutaura, uye kuita, ndinozviona ini. Havasi kufinhwa. Kwete kugutsikana. Ivo vanoita. Yavo imhuri yandinodada kuva chikamu chayo: kuda kuziva, kutyairwa, kudzingirira zvakaoma, kuva nehanya zvakanyanya.
Taylor Beck munyori anogara muBrooklyn. Asati ari mutapi venhau, aishanda mumaragi achidzidzira ndangariro, kurara, kurota, uye kuchembera. Bata iye pa @ taylorbeck216.
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