Ndakapedza Mimba Yangu Ndakanetseka Kuti Handidi Mwana Wangu

Zvemukati

• Ko kana ndaisada mwana wangu?
• Sei wanga uchiedza kana iwe usina chokwadi kuti unoda mwana?
• Ndiri munhu mumwe chete, uye handisi

Makumi maviri emakore bvunzo yangu yepamuviri isati yadzoka yakanaka, ndakatarisa apo mwana aichema wandakanga ndichichengeta mwana akakanda chimedu chake pasi pamasitepisi, uye ndakashamisika kuti sei munhu ane pfungwa dzakanaka angade kuita vana.

Vabereki vemusikana mudiki vaive vandivimbisa kuti, kunyangwe angave akatsamwa pavanoenda, iye aizodzikama pasi chaipo nekupihwa dhiri rose remakeke akananga kubva muchirongo.

Mushure mekukundikana kuri pachena kweiri zano, ndakapedza maawa akawanda ndichiedza kumuvhiringidza nemakatuni, kuseri kwemuti weshure, nemitambo yakasiyana siyana, zvikashaya basa. Akachema asingamiri uye akazorara pasi pasi pemubhedha wake. Handina kuzombodzokera.

Ko kana ndaisada mwana wangu?

Musikana mudiki iyeye, pamwe nevamwe vana vazhinji vandakatadza kufadza mukati memazuva angu ekurera vana, aive mupfungwa dzangu kekutanga chiremba wangu paakandikoka zvakajeka kuti ndibvunze mibvunzo nezve nhumbu yangu. Ini handina kukwanisa kutaura kunetseka chaiko kwakandipedza: Ko dai ndisingade mwana wangu? Ko kana ndanga ndisingade kuve amai?

Kuzivikanwa kwandakanga ndasakurira pamakumi maviri emakore apfuura kwakanangana nekubudirira muchikoro nebasa rangu. Vana vaive vari kure pamwe, vakachengeterwa ramangwana risingafadzi. Dambudziko rekuita vana nderekuti ndaifarira kurara. Ini ndaida nguva yekuverenga, kuenda kumakirasi eyoga, kana kudya chikafu chine runyararo muresitorendi isina kuvhiringidzwa nemucheche ari kuchema, kacheche kakachekacheka, kachichema pakati. Pandaive nevana veshamwari, iye mucheche wechidiki achiri kuyaruka asina zvaanoziva akabuda zvakare - hunhu hwesimba hwevabereki hapana kwaungawanikwa.

"Zvakanaka, uchaona," munhu wese akandiudza. "Zvakasiyana nevana vako."

Ndainetseka kwemakore kana icho chaiva chokwadi. Ndakagodora chokwadi chevanhu vaiti kwete - kana hongu - kuva nevana uye havana kuzombozununguka. Hapana chandakaita kunze kwekuzeya. Pfungwa dzangu, mukadzi haadi vana kuti ave munhu akazara, uye ini handina kumbonzwa sekunge ndaishaya zvakanyanya.

Uye zvakadaro.

Iyo iri kure zvimwe yekuve nevana yakatanga kunzwa senge izvozvi kana kusamboita sezvo wachi yangu yekuzvarwa ichiramba ichitenderera pamwe chete. Ini nemurume wangu patakapfuura makore manomwe emuchato, pandakanga ndasvika pazera rezvinotyisa zvinonzi "nhumbu yekuzvimba" - makore makumi matatu nemashanu - ndakazeya ndichibuda mufenzi.

Pamusoro pezvinwiwa uye kenduru rakadzima mubhawa rakasviba padyo nepamba pedu, ini nemurume wangu takataura nezvekuchinjisa kuzvarwa kwemavhitamini epamuviri. Isu takanga tatamira kuguta nyowani, padyo nemhuri, uye yaitaridzika seyakakodzera nguva. "Handifunge kuti ndichazombonzwa ndakagadzirira zvachose," ndakamuudza, asi ini ndaive ndakuda kutora mukana wacho.

Mwedzi mina gare gare, ndakanga ndabata pamuviri.

Sei wanga uchiedza kana iwe usina chokwadi kuti unoda mwana?

Mushure mekuratidza murume wangu iro diki pink pamwe nechiratidzo, ndakadonhedza iyo nhumbu yekuedzwa ndakananga mumarara. Ndakafunga nezve shamwari dzangu idzo dzave kuyedza mwana kwemakore maviri uye zvisingaverengeke kutenderera kwekurapa kwekubereka, nezve vanhu vanogona kuona icho kuwedzera chiratidzo nemufaro kana zororo kana rutendo.

Ndakaedza, ndikatadza, kuzvifungidzira ndichichinja manapukeni nekuyamwisa. Ndakanga ndapedza makore makumi maviri ndichiramba munhu iyeye. Ini chete ndakanga ndisiri "amai."

Isu takamboedza kuve nemwana, uye isu tanga tine mwana: Zvine musoro, ndakafunga, ndinofanira kufara. Shamwari dzedu uye mhuri vese vakapururudza nekushamisika uye nemufaro patakatsemura nyaya kwavari. Amwene vangu vakachema misodzi yekufara yandakanga ndisina kukwanisa kuunganidza, shamwari yangu yepamwoyo yakamhanyira pamusoro pekunakidzwa kwaaiita neni.

Yese nyowani "makorokoto" ainzwa senge imwe mhosva yekusavapo kwangu kwega rudo kune bundle remasero muchibereko changu. Kushingairira kwavo, kwaida kukumbundira uye kutsigira, kwakandisundira kure.

Nderudzii rwamai ndingatarisira kuva kana ndisina kutsamwa kuda mwana wangu asati aberekwa? Ini ndaikodzera mwana iyeye zvachose? Pamwe ndizvo zvauri kushamisika izvozvi. Pamwe mwanakomana wangu aifanira kuve akatemerwa mumwe munhu aiziva pasina kazevezeve kwekusava nechokwadi kuti vaimuda, vakamuda kubva panguva yavakadzidza kuti aripo. Ndakafunga nezvazvo mazuva ese. Asi kunyangwe ndisina kunzwa chinhu nezvake, kwete pekutanga, kwete kwenguva yakareba, aive wangu.

Ini ndaichengeta zvakawanda zvekushushikana kwangu zvakavanzika. Ndakatozvinyadzisa nekuda kwemanzwiro aipesana nepasirese inowanzo rosy maonero epamuviri uye amai. "Vana chikomborero," tinodaro - chipo. Ndaiziva kuti handaizokwanisa kumira mukutsoropodzwa kwaiuya kunobva pakutarisa kunyemwerera kwachiremba wangu kuchipera kana kuona kunetseka mumaziso eshamwari dzangu. Uye ipapo paive nemubvunzo wairehwa: Sei wanga uchiedza kana iwe usina chokwadi kuti unoda mwana?

Yakawanda yekufungidzira kwangu kwakabva mukuvhunduka. Kufunga zvekuyedza mucheche kwaive surreal, ichiri chikamu chenguva yangu yemberi isingafadzi, mazwi chete akachinjaniswa pamusoro pemwenje unopenya. Kuziva kuti isu taive nemwana iyeye yaive yakasimba dosi yezvokwadi yaida nguva yekugadzirisa. Ndakanga ndisina mamwe makore makumi maviri ekufunga zvakare hunhu hwangu, asi ndakafara kuve nemimwe mwedzi mipfumbamwe yekugadzirisa pfungwa yehupenyu hutsva. Kwete chete mwana ari kuuya pasi, asi achichinja chimiro cheangu hupenyu kukwana iye.

Ndiri munhu mumwe chete, uye handisi

Mwanakomana wangu ave negore rimwe ekuberekwa izvozvi, "bhinzi diki" inobata, sekumudaidza kwatinoita, uyo akachinja nyika yangu. Ini ndashungurudzika kurasikirwa neupenyu hwangu hwekare ndichigadzirisa nekupemberera iyi nyowani.

Ini ndinoona izvozvi kuti ini kazhinji ndinowanikwa munzvimbo mbiri panguva imwe chete. Kune "amai" divi rangu, chimiro chitsva chekuzivikanwa kwangu chakabuda nekwanisi rwekuda rudo rwaamai handina kumbobvira ndotenda kuti zvinogona. Ichi chikamu changu chinotenda nenguva ye6 am yekumuka (pachinzvimbo cha4: 30am), inogona kupedza maawa ndichiimba "Row, Row, Row Boat Yako" kungoona kunyemwerera kumwe uye kunzwa kumwe kutapira, uye inoda mira nguva yekuchengeta mwanakomana wangu mudiki nariini.

Zvino kune rimwe divi rangu randagara ndichiziva. Iye uyo anorangarira neruchiva mazuva ekurara kunonoka pakupera kwevhiki uye anoona vakadzi vasina vana mumugwagwa neshanje, achiziva kuti ivo vaisada kurongedza mapaundi zana egiya revana uye kurwa nemutyairi vasati vabuda kunze kwemusuwo. Uyo anoshuvira hurukuro yevakuru uye haagone kumirira nguva iyo mwanakomana wangu ati kurei uye achizvimiririra.

Ndinovambundira ivo vaviri. Ndinoda kuti ndakazviwana ndiri sa "amai" uye ndinotenda kuti pachave nezvakawanda kwandiri kupfuura kuve amai. Ndiri munhu mumwe chete, uye handisi.

Chinhu chimwe ndechechokwadi: Kunyangwe kana mwanakomana wangu akatanga kukanda magaka, ndichagara ndichimudzokera.

Pakati pebasa rake renguva yakazara rekushambadzira, kunyora kwakazvimirira padivi, uye kudzidza mashandiro saamai, Erin Olson achiri kunetsekana kuwana iro risinganetsi basa-hupenyu huremu. Anoenderera mberi nekutsvaga kubva kumba kwake kuChicago, nerutsigiro rwemurume wake, katsi uye mwana mukomana.