9 Ngano Dzekurambana Kuti Urege Kutenda

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NaAmanda Chatel for YourTango

Kune manyepo akawanda pamusoro pekurambana anoramba achikanganisa nzanga yedu. Kutanga, kunyangwe zvatakanzwa, mwero wekurambana hausi 50 muzana. Muchokwadi, iyo nhamba ndeyechokwadi iyo yaifungidzirwa zvichibva nenyaya yekuti zviyero zvekurambana zvaive zvichikwira muma1970 nema1980.

Chokwadi, maererano nechidimbu che New York Times uno waZvita wapfuura, ndewekuti mwero wekurambana urikudonha, zvichireva kuti "tinofara nekusingaperi" ingangoita mukana wakanaka.

Takataura nachiremba Therapic Susan Pease Gadoua uye mutori wenhau Vicki Larson, vanyori vebhuku rinovhura maziso Izvo Idzva Ndinoita: Kugadzirisazve Kuroora kweVanenge Vanyengeri, Vazvokwadi uye Vapanduki, kuti vawane zvavanoda pawanano yemazuva ano, ngano dzechatanuro, uye zvinotarisirwa uye chokwadi chinouya nezvose zviri zviviri. Hezvino izvo Gadoua naLarson vaifanira kutiudza.

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1. Mumwe muwanano mbiri anoguma mukurambana

Sezvandakanyora pamusoro, iyo 50 muzana nhamba yaive yakavakirwa panhamba yakafungidzirwa iyo yakarebesa. Ma'70s aive makore makumi mana apfuura, uye zvakawanda zvachinja kubva ipapo. Nepo huwandu hwekurambana hwakawedzera muma1970 nema1980, ivo vakangodonha mumakore makumi maviri apfuura.

Iyo New York Times vakawana kuti 70 muzana yemichato yakaitika muma1990 yakazosvika pagore ravo regumi nemashanu remuchato. Nhamba dzinoratidzawo kuti, nekuda kwevanhu vanochata pave paya, kukura kuri kubatsira kuchengeta vanhu vari pamwe kwenguva refu. Pamwero wezvinhu zviri kufamba, pane mukana wakanaka wekuti zvikamu zviviri muzvitatu zvemichato zvigare pamwe chete uye kurambana kunenge kusingabviri.

Saka kana mwero wokurambana usina 50 muzana, chii? Zvinoenderana nekuti vakaroora kana kuroorwa, anotsanangura Vicki. “Vasingasviki 15 muzana yevaya vakaroorana mumakore ekuma2000 vakarambana, asi vakawanda vevakaroorana ivavo vangave vasati vava nevana—vana vanowedzera kunetseka kumuchato. Pane vaya vakaroorana kuma1990, 35 muzana vakaparadzana. "

2. Kurambana kunokuvadza vana

Maererano naGadoua, kurambana kunogona kunetsa vana, asi kwete zvakanyanya zvinokuvadza. Chii chinonyanya kukuvadza vabereki kurwa pamberi pevana.

"Funga nezvazvo. Ndiani anofarira kuva pedyo nekukakavadzana nguva dzose? Kushungurudzika kunotapukira uye vana kunyanya havana zvishandiso kana zvidziviriro zvekugadzirisa kupesana kwehasha kubva kuvabereki vavo, "anotsanangura kudaro Gadoua. "Pane kutsvagurudza kwakawanda kuratidza kuti izvo zvinoda vana kupfuura chero chinhu inzvimbo inogadzikana uye ine runyararo. Izvi zvinogona kunge zviri nevabereki vanogara pamwe chete, asi zvinogona zvakare kuitika kana vabereki vachigara vari vega. Chinokosha ndechekuti vabereki vagarisane. "

3. Wanano yechipiri ingangoguma nekurambana


Kunyange nenhamba ichi chiri chokwadi, Kurarama Kuparadzana Pamwe Chete (LAT) michato uye zvinhu zvakaita sekuziva kusabatana zviri kuchinja izvo nekupokana nemaitiro akajairwa ekuti wanano inofanira kunge yakaita sei uye nekupa dzimwe sarudzo dzekuti vanhu vakaroora vangararama sei hupenyu hwavo.

Gadoua naLarson vanokurudzira vakaroorana kuti vaongorore izvo sarudzo zvizere. "Tese tiri vedu muchisarudza muchato weLAT-kana kupanana nzvimbo muchato chenyu chiripo - nekuti zvinokupa iwe nemumwe wako izvo chaizvo zvaunoda: kubatana uye kushamwaridzana nerusununguko rwakakwana rwekunzvenga claustrophobia iyo inowanzouya nekugara pamwe chete 24/7 uyewo chero chii chinoita kuti vanhu vakawanda vaonane sechinhu chisina basa, vangava vakaroorana kana kuti vakagarisana,” vanodaro.

4. Kurambana kwakaenzana "kutadza"

Hapana nzira. Kungava kuroorana kwokutanga (wanano inopera mukati memakore mashanu uye isingazoiti vana) kana kuti muchato wakamirira muedzo wenguva, kurambana hakurevi kuti wakundikana.

“Chiyero chatinofanira kuona kuti muchato unobudirira here kana kuti kwete ndechokuti unogara kwenguva yakareba sei. Asi, kune vanhu vakawanda vane utano hwakanaka, upenyu huri nani pashure pokurambana. uye ikozvino ivo voda kutora imwe nzira muhupenyu hwavo. Sei iko kuri kutadza? Tarisa Al naTipper Gore. Vezvenhau vaishevedzera kuti vape mhosva kumwe kunhu, zvakadaro pakanga pasina munhu uye hapana chekupa mhosva.Muchato wavo wakangopera. nezvikomborero zvavo zvese, "vanodaro Gadoua naLarson.

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5. Saizi yemuchato uye mutengo zvinoenderana nekureba kwemuchato

Kutanga mwedzi uno Iyo New York Times akabudisa chidimbu pamusoro pekubatana pakati pehukuru uye mutengo wemuchato uye zvazvinoita pakureba kwemuchato. Kunyange vanyori vechidzidzo ichi, Andrew Francis-Tan naHugo M. Mialon, vakati mari yemuchato uye nguva yekuroora zvinogona "kuenderana," vakatadza kuona kuti ndeupi muchato, unodhura kana usingadhuri, ungave nemukana wakakura wekurambana. .

Gadoua naLarson vakabvuma, nenzira yokutenderera. Kudhura kwemari pamhete yekuvimbisana uye muchato zvinogona kureva kuti muchato uchatanga nechikwereti chakawanda, uye hapana chinonetsa vakaroorana kupfuura mari, "Zvinodzidziswa nezvidzidzo zvedu uye izvo zvinoonekwa nevamwe zvinoratidza kuti hunhu-kuva netsitsi, nerupo. , kuonga, zvichingodaro.-uye tarisiro dzakaenzana zviyero zviri nani zvikuru zvokuziva kana roorano ichagara ichifara,” vakatsanangura kudaro.

6. Unogona (uye unofanirwa) kurambana-kuratidza imba yako

Sekunyora kwakaita Larson mune rondedzero yeDivorce360, "haugone kufambidzana- kana kurambana-chiratidzo chemuchato nekuti haugone kudzora hunhu hwemumwe munhu, iwe unogona kungozvidzora wega."

Patakamubvunza nezvenyaya iyi, akatsanangura achiti: "Iwe haugone kudzora maitiro emumwe wako uye kana uchikwanisa izvozvo zvinogona kuva nenjodzi! Unogona kuva mukadzi akanakisa uye ita zvinhu zvese zvinokurudzirwa nehukama-kubva kudanana nemumwe wako kusvika "kuita bonde rakakura uye rinowanzoitika kuti uve murume anotsigira, anokoshesa - uyezve uchizoguma warambana."

Larson akawedzerawo kuti haufanirwe kutomboda kurambana-chiratidzo muchato wako, nekuti dzimwe nguva zvine hutano kurega uchienderera mberi.

7. Kugara pamwe chete musati maroorana kunoderedza mukana wokurambana

Zvagara zvichitaurwa kuti avo vanogara pamwe chete vasati varoora vane mukana wekurambana, asi ongororo dzichangobva kuitwa dzinoti hachisi chokwadi.

Chidzidzo chegore ra2014 na Associate purofesa Arielle Kuperberg anobva kuYunivhesiti yeNorth Carolina kuGreensboro akawana kuti, zvinopesana nengano, kugara pamwe chete kana kusagara pamwe chete musati maroora hazvinei nekuti hukama hwenyu hunopera here kana kuti kwete . Mukutsvagurudza kwake, Kuperberg akawana chinonyanya kutora chinzvimbo ndechekuti idiki sei vanhu ava vanosarudza kugara pamwe chete, nekuti "kugara pasi zvakanyanya ndiko kunotungamira kurambana."

KUROORANA kwemazuva mashoma zvakare kuri kukanda chipanera muhukama pakati pekugara pamwe nemhedzisiro yaro pakurambana. Vakaroorana, kunyanya vakura, vari kusarudza kugara vari voga, asi vanokwanisa kuchengetedza michato yavo ichifara, ine hutano, uye iri mhenyu.

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8. Kusavimbika kunoputsa michato.

Kunyange zvazvo zviri nyore kutaura kuti kusavimbika ndicho chisakiso chikuru chokuparara kwemichato, handizvo zvinoitika nguva dzose.

SaEric Anderson, nyanzvi yezvematongerwo enyika yekuAmerica kuEngland University yeWinchester uye munyori we The Monogamy Gap: Varume, Rudo, uye Chokwadi chekubiridzira, akaudza Larson, "Kusavimbika hakuputse michato; itarisiro isina musoro yekuti muchato unofanira kudzora bonde rinoputsa muchato… Ndakaona hukama hwakareba kwenguva refu hwakaputsika nekuda kwekuti mumwe akaita bonde kunze kwehukama. "Kunzwa kushungurudzwa haisi mhedzisiro yekuita bonde zvisina kujairika kunze kwehukama, hunhu hwehukama."

9. Kana musina mufaro pane imwe nguva muwanano yenyu, mucharambana

Kuroora hakusi nyore. Chinhu chinoda simba rakawanda, kunzwisisa, uye kunyanya kutaurirana. Kusafara pane imwe nguva hakurevi kuti kurambana hakudzivisiki—wanano yose ine chigamba chakashata.

Asi kana chigamba chakashata chinopfuura chigamba uye wakanyatsozvipa zvese, kusanganisira kuenda kunoraira vakaroorana kwemwedzi yakati wandei kana gore ("zvikamu zvitatu kana zvina hazvina kukwana," anodaro Gadoua), zvichida nguva yekuzvipedza. Zvisinei, yeuka, kusagadzikana kwenguva pfupi hakurevi kupera.

Ichi chinyorwa pakutanga chakaonekwa se 9 Kurambana Ngano Unofanira Kuregeredza (Uye Zvekuita pachinzvimbo), Zvakare pane YakoTango.com.

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