Iwo Anogona Mireza Tsvuku Muhukama Chaunofanira Kuziva Nezve

Zvemukati

• Anogona Mireza Tsvuku Muhukama
• Vanoda kuva nemi mose kwavari.
• Vanoratidzika sevasingayeuki ndangariro dzinofadza dzeukama hwako norudo.
• Ivo havasi kuzvitarisira ivo pachavo kana vaine zviwanikwa.
• Wakamira kuita kupokana.
• Havadi kutaurirana.
• Wakamira kuita bonde - uye hausi kutaura nezvazvo.
• Ivo vanogara vachitaura nezve mari shoma yavanayo - asi ivo vanoshandisa zvakanyanya.
• Chii Chaunofanira Kuita Kana Ukaona Tsvuku Mureza Muhukama
• Ongororo ye

Kunyangwe iwe uri muhukama hunotanga kana hwakasimbiswa, shamwari dzako dzinangwa dzakanaka, dzinodzivirira uye nhengo dzemhuri dzinogona kukurumidza kudaidzira boo "matsvuku mireza." Mumeso avo, kuramba kwako kutsva kwekugezesa machira kanopfuura kamwe pamwedzi kana kuomerwa nemudiwa wako kubata basa kungave zviratidzo zvakajeka zvekuti unofanirwa kusiya zvese nekupedza hukama, stat.

Asi hunhu hunoonekwa semireza tsvuku haufanire kungoonekwa sezvikonzero zvekuparadzana, anodaro Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, chiremba wezvepfungwa, muchato une marezinesi uye murapi wemhuri, uye nyanzvi pabonde nehukama. "Mureza mutsvuku unogona kuva [mucherechedzo] icho chinhu chingori kure - kwete hazvo mureza mutsvuku waunofanira kumhanya neimwe nzira," anodaro. Muchokwadi, mureza mutsvuku - kunyangwe iwo unonzwa uchinetseka panguva ino - unogona zvakare kuve mukana wekukura, anowedzera Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., Toronto-based sexologist uye mukuru we Zvepabonde naDr Jess podcast. "Unogona kuzvishandisa kushanda pakutaurirana, kubatana, kana hukama hwakazara," anotsanangura kudaro. (FTR, maitiro anoshusha uye mamiriro ezvinhu anosarudzika, anodaro O'Reilly. Kana iwe uchidavira kuti uri muhukama hunoshungurudza kana iwe ukaona zviratidzo zvakajairika - senge mumwe wako achikutadzisa kuita sarudzo dzako, kudzora mari dzese pasina nhaurirano, kukutyisidzira, kana kukumanikidza kuita bonde, kushandisa zvinodhaka, kana kunwa doro - bata National Domestic Violence Hotline kuti ubatsirwe.)

Uyezve, pfungwa yemunhu wese yezvinokodzera semureza mutsvuku muhukama zvakasiyana, anodaro Wright. Semuenzaniso, pfungwa yemunhu ane murume mumwe chete yemureza mutsvuku inogona kunge yakasiyana neyemunhu ane polyamorous, anotsanangura kudaro. "Havasi vese, uye hazvina basa kana mumwe munhu achifunga kuti mureza mutsvuku kana zvakanaka newe."

Zvakadaro, kune mamwe mabhegi matsvuku anogona kunge ari chikonzero chekunetsekana kana chikonzero chekuongororazve hukama hwenyu - uye kwete chete yepedyo, ngano-yakafanana naTaylor Swift anoimba nezvayo. Vaviri Wright naOreilly vanocherekedza kuti iwe unogona kucherechedza mireza tsvuku mune chero mhando yehukama, inosanganisira aya ane shamwari, nhengo dzemhuri, vatinoshanda navo, uye nezvimwe. Pano, Wright naO'Reilly vanogovana mireza matsvuku muhukama (kunyanya yerudo) inogona kunge yakakosha kutarisa mukati, uye zvakanyanya kukosha, zvekuita kana ukaona imwe yacho. Spoiler: Usabva wangokanda tauro. (Zvakabatana: Maitiro Ekuita Nehushamwari Hwedivi Rimwechete)

Anogona Mireza Tsvuku Muhukama

Vanoda kuva nemi mose kwavari.

Kana mumwe wako achishora zvakanyanya shamwari dzako nemhuri, akaedza kutyaira pakati pako neshamwari dzako dzepedyo, kana kuyedza kukubvisa pamagariro ako, maitiro avo anogona kunge ari chikonzero chekunetseka, anodaro O'Reilly. "Zvichida vanoratidza kuti vanokuda zvakanyanya uye kuti vari kuedza kukudzivirira, [kana] pamwe vanoti wakanyanya kunaka kune mumwe munhu," anowedzera kudaro. "Iva nehanya newaunogona kudzora mudiwa uyo anoona kuedza kwavo kukupatsanura seinonzi rudo." Izvi zviito zvekuzviparadzanisa zvinogona kuva mureza wakatsvuka muhukama, sezvo zvichizotangira maitiro anogona kushungurudza pasi pemugwagwa, sekudzora zvinoitwa nemumwe wako, waanoona nekutaura naye, kwaanoenda - uye kushandisa godo kuzviruramisa zvese . Aya ese matinji anogona kushandiswa nemunhu ane hutsinye kuchengetedza vakabatwa muhukama, sekureva kweNational Domestic Violence Hotline. (BTW, ndicho chiratidzo chimwe chete iwe unogona kunge uri muukama hunotyisa.)

Vanoratidzika sevasingayeuki ndangariro dzinofadza dzeukama hwako norudo.

Kana mumwe wako achifunga kumashure kune imwe nguva inofadza iyo inogona kuburitswa kunze kweye rom-com kana zuva rerufaro senge remuchato wako, vanorirangarira zvine rudo here kana nekuvava kana kusuwa? Kana ndangariro dzekare dzaifadza dzave kusvibiswa kwavari, inogona kunge iri mureza mutsvuku kuti chimwe chinhu hachina kunyatsokwana muhukama. Hunhu hwako hunogona kunge huri hwekukurumidza kudaidza kuti hunopera, kunyanya kana moyo wako weSO usingaite kunge urimo, asi kutanga, "ungangoda kutaura nezve manzwiro auri kuita muhukama," anodaro O ' Reilly. "Hazvireve kuti hukama hwaparara, asi zvinogona kuda dzimwe nzira nyowani [kureva kurapwa kwevaviri]."

Ivo havasi kuzvitarisira ivo pachavo kana vaine zviwanikwa.

Iyi inogona kuve tsvuku mureza muhukama inogona kunge iri chiratidzo chako S.O. havazvikoshese, anodaro Wright. "Uye icho chinhu chingazouya gare gare sechinhu chakaratidzirwa uye nyaya yehukama." Sarudzo yako boo yekurega kuenda kumisangano yechiremba kana kusapuruzira mazino avo husiku hwoga ingaratidza kuti havasi kukoshesa hutano hwavo senge iwe - uye kana icho chisiri chinhu iwe chauri kuda kutaura pachena uye kubvuma (kana kubvumirana pane), zvinogona kukonzera kutsamwa kune mumwe wako pasi pemutsara. nyaya dzehutano, dzakadai sekuora mwoyo, maererano neNational Alliance pamusoro peMental Illness yeKenosha County. Dudziro: Iyo inonzi yakatsvuka mureza inogona kunge isingareve kuti iwe unofanirwa kurambana, asi panzvimbo pezvo tanga hurukuro yakatendeseka navo nezve chero matambudziko ehupenyu hwavanogona kunge vari kusangana nawo. (Zvakafanana: Mirira, Ko Cavities uye Gum Disease Inotapukira Nekutsvoda?!)

Wakamira kuita kupokana.

Zvingaita sekunge kusambopopotedzana is a kugona chinhu (uye, mune dzimwe nguva, zvinogona kuva), asi kudzivisa kukakavara nokuti iwe wakasiya zvachose kutaura pamusoro pezvinhu zvinokosha zvinogona kuva mureza mutsvuku muukama, anodaro O'Reilly. Kuti uone kana kushaikwa kwako kwekukonana kungave kuri chikamu chedambudziko rakakura, O'Reilly anokurudzira kuzvibvunza mibvunzo iyi:

• Uri kudzivisa kutaura nezvenyaya dzezvinhu zvakakosha uye uchivabvumira kuti vakure, kana kuti urikungonhonga hondo dzako uye uchirega zvinhu zvidiki zvichitsvedza?
• Wakarega kufambidzana nokuti hausisina basa nazvo here, kana kuti wangobvuma kuti haugoni kugadzirisa nyaya dzose?
• Wakarega kutaura nezve nyaya dzinopisa nekuti iwe unonzwa kuti mumwe wako haaterere kana kukoshesa maonero ako?

Ingorangarira, "mamiriro akakosha, ndosaka mireza mitsvuku isingawanzo kuwanikwa," anowedzera. Semuenzaniso, kana iwe nemumwe wako mukapopotedzana kwevhiki rese nenzira yakanangana ne "yakanakisa" yekugadzika mbichana asi usingakwanise kugadzirisa nyaya, kusiya kusawirirana, uchivabvumira kuronga mahwendefa akasviba nenzira yavanoda, uye pachinzvimbo chekutarisa pane izvo zvinonyanya kukosha (semuenzaniso mari yako, yako dzidzo, nezvimwewo) inogona kuve chinhu chakanaka.

Havadi kutaurirana.

Kana iwe ukasairega ichitsvedza kana BFF yako ichikupumha uye uchifuratira zvinyorwa zvako kwemazuva ekupedzisira, nei uchibvumira izvo muhukama hwako hwerudo? "Kana zvichikosha kuti iwe uve nehukama nemunhu anogona kutaura newe, asi iye achivhara uye asingataure, ipapo inenge iri mureza mutsvuku," anodaro Wright.

Chiyeuchidzo: Hazvina mhosva kuti unoziva sei mumwe wako, haugone kuverenga pfungwa dzavo, uye pasina kutaurirana pachena uye kwechokwadi pamusoro pezvaunoda, zvido, uye zvinotarisirwa, kusanzwisisana kunokuvadza uye nharo zviri kuwedzera kuitika. Uyezve, kutaurirana kwakashata ndicho chikonzero chakajairika nei vanhu vakaroorana vachitsvaga kurapwa uye inofungidzirwa kuti ndiyo inokuvadza zvakanyanya pahukama, sekureva kwechidzidzo chakaburitswa mu Zvinyorwa zveKuroora neMhuri.

Wakamira kuita bonde - uye hausi kutaura nezvazvo.

Zvinhu zvekutanga kutanga, zvakangonaka kuti umbomira pazviitwa zvako zvepakati-mapepa, anodaro O'Reilly. "Vamwe vanhu vanofara kutora nguva yekuzorora, asi kune vamwe, ndiko kunokonzera kusagadzikana nekukonana," anotsanangura kudaro. Kana iwe nemumwe wako mukawira muboka rekupedzisira uye imi mese muchiita kunge iri NBD, zvinogona kukonzera kushatirwa panguva iyoyo uye zvobva zvadzika pasi, sekutadza kuita kupokana kwakanaka. (Shandisa mazano aya kuti utaure nemumwe wako nezvekuda bonde rakawanda.)

Ivo vanogara vachitaura nezve mari shoma yavanayo - asi ivo vanoshandisa zvakanyanya.

Iyi ingangodaro mutsvuku muhukama muhukama zvese zvinodzikira pakudimbura pakati peizvo mumwe wako ari kutaura uye nemabatiro avari kuita. Asi paunotanga kuzviona, zvakakosha kuona zviito zvavo nekunzwira tsitsi, anodaro Wright. “Zvinogona kungova kuti munhu wacho ari kunyara,” anodaro. "Pamwe vakangobhadhara mari hombe yekurapa uye vari kunzwa kusachengeteka panguva ino. Hatimbozive zviri kuitika, saka ndosaka mureza mutsvuku kwandiri uri wekukoka kuita hurukuro, kwete chikonzero chekutiza." " Kana iwe uine iyo convo uye woona kuti mumwe wako haana zano rezvemari manejimendi uye haana kuronga kutora matanho anodiwa kuti vavandudze mashandisiro avo emashandisirwo, saka unogona kuziva kuti hukama hausi hwako, anowedzera.

Chii Chaunofanira Kuita Kana Ukaona Tsvuku Mureza Muhukama

Muchiitiko chekuti hauna kuibaya pamwechete, haufanire kubuda kunze kwechipiri iwe paunoona mureza mutsvuku muhukama hwako. Kutanga, zvibvunze kuti uri kunzwa sei uye fungisisa nezvazvo: "Unonzwa sei nezvemaitiro avo? Chii chaunoda? Nyaya iyi ine basa kwauri here? Nei zvine basa?" anodaro O'Reilly.

Zvino, kana iwe uchinzwa wakachengeteka uye wakasununguka kuita kudaro, zvinyoronyoro taura nemumwe wako nenzira ine rudo, mutsa, uye inoda kuziva - kwete kunetsana, anodaro Wright. Semuenzaniso, pachinzvimbo chekutaura zvine hungwaru kuti, "Haumbokwesha mazino ako usiku uye zvinondinetsa," Wright anoratidza achiti, "Ndinonzwa kutya nenyaya yekuti iwe hausi kukwesha mazino ako husiku hwakawanda, nekuti zvazvinoreva kwandiri ndeyekuti hauna hanya newe, uye ndinoda kuita hurukuro nezvazvo. Ungave wakasununguka kune izvozvo?

"Iva akatendeseka pamusoro pemanzwiro ako anotambura - semuenzaniso kutya, kusagadzikana, kusuruvara," anowedzera O'Reilly. "Hukama hunogona kugadziriswa muzviitiko zvakawanda, asi kana iwe ukavanza manzwiro ako echokwadi (semuenzaniso bvisa kuti usanzwe uchinetseka), ungangoita kuti dambudziko riwedzere." Funga nezvazvo nenzira iyi: Kana ukasaita kuti mumwe wako azive kuti sei, toti, kushaikwa kwekukurukurirana kunoita kuti unzwe uye nei zvakadaro, unogona kunge usiri papeji imwe chete nezve kusimba kwenyaya - uye nekudaro. vane dambudziko rekurigadzirisa zvizere.(Onawo: Mavakirwo Ehukama hwepedyo neMudiwa Wako)

Kubva ipapo, mese munogona kusarudza kana mureza mutsvuku chiri chinhu chamunogona kukunda kana kubata pamwe chete kana chiri chiratidzo chekuti munoda kuongorora zvakare hukama hwenyu. Uye kana iwe usati uine chokwadi chakazara, funga kuona nyanzvi chipangamazano kana murapi anogona kukubatsira kugadzirisa nyaya, anodaro O'Reilly. Zvisinei nenyaya yacho, ziva kuti idzi hurukuro dzinogona kunge dzisiri nyore - asi izvozvo zvakanaka. "Zvinogona kusagadzikana, uye kusagadzikana hazvireve zvakaipa," anodaro Wright. "Ndiwo kukura kwatinoita. Isu tinongokura chete kana tisisina kugadzikana. Hazviwanzoitika kuti tinokura kubva pahunhu."

Ongororo ye