Heano maitiro andakadzidza kuti ndaive mune Codependent Friendship

Zvemukati

• Handina kuzviziva panguva iyoyo, asi hushamwari hwangu "hwakakwana" hwaitokonzeresa homwe diki dzekusurukirwa muhupenyu hwangu.
• Kuziva zita repateni
• Kuregeredza matambudziko muhupenyu hwangu
• Never zvachose kukanganisa kwemunhu mumwe chete
• Nhanho yekupedzisira: Kubvunza daro

Handina kuzviziva panguva iyoyo, asi hushamwari hwangu "hwakakwana" hwaitokonzeresa homwe diki dzekusurukirwa muhupenyu hwangu.

Apo shamwari yangu yepamwoyo paakandiudza kuti aive achinetseka kubuda pamubhedha, kupedzisa mabasa enguva dzose, uye kupedzisa mafomu ake ekugara, chinhu chekutanga chandakaita kutarisa kumusoro kwendege. Yakanga isiri kunyange gakava kumagumo angu.

Panguva iyoyo, ndaigara muKarachi, Pakistan. Aive kuchikoro chekurapa muSan Antonio. Ini ndaive wekuzvimiririra munyori aine zvakakwana kuchinjika. Aindida. Uye ndakave nenguva.

Mazuva matatu gare gare, ndakanga ndiri mundege yemaawa gumi nemana, uye ndichivhura runyorwa rwangu kuti ndinyore mutsara kubva mubhuku randaive ndichiverenga. Ndipo pandakaona mutongo wandakanga ndanyora pasi pegore.

Iyi yakanga isiri nguva yangu yekutanga kusiya zvese kuti ndimubatsire kubuda. Pandaivhura mapeji ejenari yangu, ndakatanga kuona kuratidzwa uku kwaisave chinhu chechipiri kana chechitatu chinhu. Ini pandakanga ndichizvipa zvangu chose kwaari, ini neimwe nzira ndaigara ndichisara kumashure kana hupenyu hwake hwapora kubva mukuita mushe.

Kuziva zita repateni

Handirangariri pandakatanga kuona kuti hukama hwedu hwakanga husina kugadzikana. Chandinogona kurangarira, zvakadaro, kudzidza kuti paive nezita reizvo zvatiri: codependent.

Sekureva kwaSharon Martin, chiremba wezvepfungwa muSan Jose, Calif., Uyo anoziva nezvehukama, hukama hwehukama hauzi kuongororwa. Hukama husina kushanda apo munhu mumwe anozvirasika mukuyedza kwake kuchengeta mumwe munhu. Pane imwe nzvimbo pasi pemutsara, kana kubva pakutanga, munhu mumwe anova "anozvimirira" uye anofuratira zvavo zvavanoda uye nemanzwiro. Ivo zvakare vanonzwa vane mhosva uye vane basa rekugadzirisa matambudziko emumwe munhu uye kugadzirisa zvinovanetsa.

Kugonesa kunowanzoitika netsaona, asi kazhinji, pachinzvimbo chekubvumidza vavakaroorana navo kuti vadzidze kubva pazvikanganiso zvavo, ivo vanopinda mukati vo "gadzirisa" zvese, vasingatenderi mumwe munhu kuti anyatsoona pasi pasi.

Izvi zvinonyanya kupfupisa hukama hwangu neshamwari yangu yepamwoyo.

Kuregeredza matambudziko muhupenyu hwangu

MuKarachi, ndaisuwa, ndichishushikana nehupenyu hwandakanga ndasiya kuUnited States. Ndasuwa kugara mumakofi shopu nekunwa mumabhawa neshamwari pakupera kwevhiki. MuKarachi, ndainetseka kusangana nevanhu vatsva uye kujairana neupenyu hwangu hutsva. Panzvimbo pekuyedza kuverengera pamusoro pematambudziko angu, ndaishandisa nguva yangu yese kuyedza kugadzirisa nekugadzirisa hupenyu hweshamwari yangu yepamwoyo.

Hapana munhu akandikomberedza anga ambotsanangudza kuti hushamwari hunogona kusagutsa uye husina hutano. Ini ndaifunga kuve shamwari yakanaka kwaireva kuratidza chero zvodii. Ini ndaizodzivirira kuita mamwe marongero nedzimwe shamwari dzaigara munzvimbo yakafanana neni kuti ndivepo kwaari. Nguva zhinji aindidzikisira.

Dzimwe nguva ndaizogara kusvika na3 a.m kuitira kuti dai aida kutaura neni, asi ndaingopedza nguva iyoyo ndichinetsekana nezvakakanganisika. Asi hapana imwe yeshamwari dzangu aishandisa mari yake kugadzirisa hupenyu hweumwe munhu. Hapana munhu akafunga kuti vaifanira kuziva kwaive neshamwari yavo yepamwoyo nguva dzese dzezuva.

Hana yeshamwari yangu yaiitawo kukanganisa zuva rangu rese. Paakavhiringidza, ini ndainzwa kuve nehukama - sekunge ndaifanira kunge ndichigona kuzvigadzirisa. Zvinhu izvo shamwari yangu yaigona uye yaifanira kunge ichizviitira iye, ndakamuitira.

Leon F. Seltzer, chiremba wezvepfungwa, uye munyori weEvolution yeSelf blog, akatsanangura kuti "cod codent" inogona kunge iine yavo nyaya iyo inowanzo kudzikiswa muhukama uhu.

Zvese izvi zvinofanirwa kunge zvaive zviratidzo zvekunyevera, uye nerubatsiro rweimwe nhambwe, ndinokwanisa kutarisa zvese izvi zvine chinangwa uye ndigozviziva sehunhu hunonetsa. Asi ini pandakanga ndiri muhukama, ndichinetseka nezve shamwari yangu yepamwoyo, zvaive zvakaoma kuona kuti ini ndaive chikamu chechinetso.

Never zvachose kukanganisa kwemunhu mumwe chete

Munguva yeshamwari yakawanda kudai, ndakanzwa kutya ndiri ndega. Izvi, ndakadzidza, inowanzo kunzwa. Martin anobvuma kuti, "Vanhu vanozvimirira vanogona kunzwa kusurukirwa, kunyangwe muhukama, nekuti havasi kuwana zvavanoda." Anotaura zvakare kuti haina kumbobvira iri mhosva yemunhu mumwe.

Hukama hwehukama hunowanzoitika kana paine mubatanidzwa wakakwana wehunhu: Mumwe munhu ane rudo uye ane hanya, anoda zvechokwadi kutarisira vanhu vakavakomberedza, uye mumwe wacho anoda kuchengetwa kwakawanda.

Vazhinji vanodzvinyirira havana izvo, uye semhedzisiro, vanoguma vanonzwa kusurukirwa, kunyangwe panguva yehukama. Izvi zvakanditsanangura zvakakwana. Pandakangoona kuti hushamwari hwangu hwakanga husisina kugadzikana, ndakaedza kuzviparadzanisa nekumisikidza miganho. Dambudziko raive rekuti isu shamwari yangu neni, taimbojaira kuti zvinhu zvaimbove sei, takapotsa tangoregedza miganhu yataizoisa.

Nhanho yekupedzisira: Kubvunza daro

Pakupedzisira, ndakaudza shamwari yangu kuti ndaida kuitazve. Akaita kunge anonzwisisa kuti ndainetseka chaizvo, saka takawirirana kuti taizotora nguva takaparadzana. Pave nemwedzi mina kubva tataura nemazvo.

Pane nguva dzandinonzwa kusununguka zvachose, ndisingaremerwe nematambudziko mazhinji aakatarisana nawo muhupenyu hwake. Asi pane dzimwe nguva pandinosuwa shamwari yangu yepamwoyo.

Izvo zvandisingarasikirwe, zvakadaro, ndeyekuti aindida zvakadii, uye chikamu chikuru chehupenyu hwangu chaakatora. Kuputsa shamwari yangu kwakandipa iyo nzvimbo yekuita shanduko dzinodiwa zvakanyanya muhupenyu hwangu. Kunyanya, ndinoshamiswa nehusimbe hwandinonzwa kusurukirwa.

Handina zano kana tichazombodzokera pakuva shamwari. Zvese zvachinja. Martin akatsanangura kana munhu akatsigira akadzidza kumisikidza miganho, havachapedzwa nematambudziko emumwe munhu. Nekuda kweizvozvo, iko kwese kutungamira kwehukama kunochinja.

Ndichiri kudzidza kunamatira kumiganhu yangu, uye kudzamara ndiine chivimbo chekuti handizodzokere mumaitiro angu ekare, ndinotya kusvika nekutaura kushamwari yangu.

Mariya Karimjee munyori anoshanda akazvimirira anogara muNew York City. Iye zvino arikushanda pachirangaridzo naSpiegel naGrau.